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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH has started smoking a pipe

54 replies

LaCoccinelle · 10/02/2012 09:23

This is more of a 'is DH being unreasonable', because there isn't actually a lot I can do about it other than sulk. DH has got himself a pipe, he used to smoke the odd cigarette but has not done so since we have been together (he has asthma so it's a Very Bad Idea to smoke), I do not smoke, never have, and hate the smell, I am also a sneezy allergic type and get runny nose/eyes etc around smoke. We also have 2 young DCs, I don't want smoke around them.

He's mentioned he'd like a pipe before and I have said that I absolutely do not want it to happen in the house, if he must smoke he can do it outside, and he should bear in mind I will not come near him while he stinks of tobacco.

This morning his study smells very strongly of tobacco and there is a pipe on the desk. So what do I do - is he BU? Do I have to just accept this new 'hobby'? or should I leave the bastard?

OP posts:
rhondajean · 10/02/2012 09:24

Good lord how old is he? 85?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/02/2012 09:26

He is BU... Most smokers these days at least have the good manners to smoke outside - even when it's their own home. If you add his asthma, your allergies and 2 children to the equation he's not so much being 'U' as being 'moronic'

cheekyseamonkey · 10/02/2012 09:27

Does he look like Benedict Cumberbatch (in Sherlock, not as weird ginge in TTSP)? if so YABU. If not, YADNBU, but what age is he?

susiedaisy · 10/02/2012 09:29

Smoking in the home is outrageous especially with dc in it, and he is being an idiot to smoke with asthma

seeker · 10/02/2012 09:29

Can't help thinking this must be some complicated literary joke I'm too stupid to get, but if it isn't, there are some really nasty health risks associated with pipe smoking- get him to google, then he'll stop.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/02/2012 09:29

You know... pipe stems snap quite easily.

LizzieMo · 10/02/2012 09:32

Smoking a pipe in his study- does he wear tweed plus-fours and a monocle?? Sorry to be joking, but he sounds very 1934- or eccentric!! I would tell him to keep away from the children and you when he is smoking, but perhaps let him have his study with the window open as his smoking room. YANBU to think of the health implications though.

Original poster
LaCoccinelle · 10/02/2012 09:34

He's early 30's, intellectual type, I think he considers himself to be middle-aged. He claims not to believe that there is any proven link between smoking and cancer (his dad is a chain-smoker). I've never really listened his arguments on this one, I had always assumed he just said it to annoy me have a debate, he will usually pick the more disagreeable side of any debate and then defend it to the death.

OP posts:
Original poster
LaCoccinelle · 10/02/2012 09:34

Yes eccentric would describe him.

OP posts:
Grumpla · 10/02/2012 09:34

It's a no-smoking house. I think that's fairly non-negotiable and frankly in your position I'd bin it.

My DH very occasionally smokes (like three or four times a year) and he stands outside to do it.

seeker · 10/02/2012 09:36

Honestly, he can't be very intellectual if he doesn't think there's a link between smoking and cancer!

valiumredhead · 10/02/2012 09:37

The reason I have never smoked is because I took a puff of my dad's pipe when I was 4 and nearly choked myself to death! Grin

WilsonFrickett · 10/02/2012 09:39

He's clearly not intellectual if he believes there's no link between smoking and cancer FFS.

Maybe he'd like me to tell him what it was like to watch my darling aunt's life-support being switched off when she was 56? She had asthma and smoked. But your DH is right, her premature death leaving behind a devastated family of 4DCs probably had nothing to do with the fags.

Sorry OP, I am usually mega-sympathetic towards smokers who are addicted - I smoked myself and I know how hard it is to quit. But he's not addicted, he's deliberately decided to start smoking in his 30's. Words actually fail me.

sponkle · 10/02/2012 09:40

My father used to smoke a pipe. I can remember dancing around in the layers of smoke in the room as the sun shone through, thinking it smelled lovely! My Mother once caught me puffing on his pipe in his study even though there was nothing in it and it wasn't lit. I was about 8!

It's minging. Plain and simple.

I'd be worried why in this day and age your husband wants to smoke a pipe. Is it just tobacco that he his putting in it? At worst, if he really really wants to smoke, the odd cigar would be more appropriate? and outside the house.

TheCuntwormUnderfoot · 10/02/2012 09:41

Twatty sounds like it describes him better than intellectual type.

Seeing as he's being ridiculous, unfair on you and the rest of the family, and totally out of order, I'd probably aim to solve the problem with a similar type of response - pipe stem snapped every time I see one, and new house rule - no-one has sex with stinky stupid pipe smokers.

:)

Truckulentagain · 10/02/2012 09:41

You only found the pipe by sheer luck. Homes? No they shouldn't be smoked in.

cheekyseamonkey · 10/02/2012 09:41

Sounds like my fil, will argue the most ludicrous angle just to be different. YANBU, it's not just his house. Break every pipe you find.

My godfather, dad's best friend smoked a pipe in his 30s, it was after a bout of self discovery. He argued in a similar way, his wife told him she disbelieved in a link between lack of food & starvation, as he couldn't cook, he soon got the point.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/02/2012 09:41

"he will usually pick the more disagreeable side of any debate and then defend it to the death

Original poster
LaCoccinelle · 10/02/2012 09:42

His argument about the smoking/cancer link seems to be that smoking does not cause cancer in everyone, only people who are already susceptible (I don't listen when he talks about this, I smile and nod). So there is no causal link, or some such. He is not a scientist he is a philosopher, so intellectual/academic but not neccesarily sensible.

OP posts:
HipHopOpotomus · 10/02/2012 09:43

poor you - surely he has to smoke outside?
Pipe smoking indoors is grounds for divorce I reckon.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/02/2012 09:43

"he will usually pick the more disagreeable side of any debate and then defend it to the death"

So as well as being an overgrown Adrian Mole, in denial and insecure, he's also deliberately argumentative? What on earth do you see in this selfish pillock?

3point14 · 10/02/2012 09:45

Kids = no smoking. Without kids, do what the hell you want, especially in your own house.

Original poster
LaCoccinelle · 10/02/2012 09:47

I'm not really sure Cog, he used to be clever and fun and good-looking and charming. Now he's a miserable, argumentative, pipe-smoking, selfish twat, but I'm married to him so I feel a bit stuck really.

I'm thinking an unreasonable response like breaking all pipes might be the only answer to unreasonable behaviour like smoking a pipe in my house.

OP posts:
NoMoreMarbles · 10/02/2012 09:49

Take the pipe and shove it up his hole throw it in the toilet/in the binGrin as you explicitly said he MUST NOT smoke in the house I would be either making the pipe taste very disgusting or make the smoker miserable! Wink

Casmama · 10/02/2012 09:50

I get what he is saying about it not causing cancer in everyone but the major flaw in that arguement is that you have no way of knowing whether you are susceptible to cancer until you get it. He sounds like he is being a bit of a twat and I would not hesitate to tell him that if I was you and I woud also put his pipe in the bin and advise him that you will do what ever you can to sabotage this stupid habit until he comes to his senses.

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