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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to leave my 12 yr old home alone for 2 (short) days in the school holidays so I can work?

66 replies

lottielou39 · 09/02/2012 23:10

she's 12. She'd be home alone for 2 short days (8.30-2.30) and is too old for holiday clubs and point blank refuses to consider idea of childminder. This would only be in school holidays and only 2 days. Is she too young? My friends are in 2 camps- those who think it's fine and those who think she's too young to be left home alone for 6 hours. I don't know what to do, is far easier arranging childcare for my baby!

OP posts:

BackforGood · 09/02/2012 23:12

Of course it is.

Denj33 · 09/02/2012 23:13

My 13&14 DCs will be home during holidays, they have been doing so for the last couple of holidays but they will be together, not sure how I would feel leaving an only child?

Sorry, I know that's actually no help but I sympathise, there are no over 11 holiday clubs.

DioneTheDiabolist · 09/02/2012 23:13

If you think she is sensible enough, I see no problem.

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 09/02/2012 23:14

There will be two camps here too.

Only you know best. And there are plenty of 12 year olds who could be left like this and there are plenty who couldn't.

How does she feel about it?

Can you check up on her to reassure yourself?

What will she be doing in that time?

UmmOfUmbridge · 09/02/2012 23:16

I agree it's really difficult at that age with regards to childcare. I have a 13 yo and wouldn't do it. My 15 yo I would leave... it's not that I don't trust her, she's very sensible, but I'd worry about things that will probably never happen like fires and burglars. I think you kind of have a sense when they are ready.

Does she not have a friend's house she can go to?

goingmadinthecountry · 09/02/2012 23:16

Sounds fine to me (my older 3 are 18, 16 and 15 and still thriving despite being left alone on occasion).

Would she be happy - ie enjoys films etc? Do you have neighbours nearby she can call on in very unlikely situation? Are there people around? Can she cook beans on toast etc without burning the house down? If yes to most of the above, no worries. Children are far too wrapped in cotton wool these days.

BUT I'd probably spoil her by doing something nice and grown up with her during the week.

FlouncyMcFlouncer · 09/02/2012 23:18

Not so long ago she'd have been going to work herself!

ash6605 · 09/02/2012 23:18

I would leave my 12yr old DS for that long as long as I'd made lunch for him to heat and gone through the "don't touch, don't do, be careful...." list with him

hmc · 09/02/2012 23:18

Totally depends on the child - you know whether she is sensible enough or not

CotesduRhone · 09/02/2012 23:20

My mum went back work when I was 12 and I loved it - every afternoon to myself, getting the fire on, starting the dinner, real independence. It was wonderful. But again, you'll know your daughter bess

BellaVita · 09/02/2012 23:20

Of course it will be ok.

goingmadinthecountry · 09/02/2012 23:23

Ash, you're good! I'd expect mine to get their own lunch. I think ds was 13 when I left him alone all night (he had a friend round with friend's mum's knowledge and permission). He did same at said friend's house when his mum was away.

Honestly, now they are older teenagers I really am seeing the benefits of giving them some tiny bits of responsibility at a younger age.

missnevermind · 09/02/2012 23:26

Mum used to leave us in the holidays. But she was home earlier than you. I think about midday, she also started earlier. My sister and I were asked to stay in bed as long as possible, with a book then, maybe a console now or the Tv.
Give instructions as to what is allowed and is not.
Try it once and see how comfortable you both are about it.

Busyoldfool · 09/02/2012 23:36

I do and have been for a while. As long as you have back-up systems in place, (phone numbers, neighbours' numbers, "what to do if..." routines,) it should be fine. My kids love it.

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 09/02/2012 23:41

YANBU at all. Surely this is normal?

keepingupwiththejoneses · 09/02/2012 23:49

If she is anything like my 12 year old I would say yes. It is the school holiday so I very much doubt she will get up before 10.30ish so only really leaving her for 4 hours. I doubt there is anything else you can do, I am sure if you insisted on childcare it would be more hassle than it is worth, she would go mad. I would agree with busy have a list of phone numbers by the phone and an 'if happens, do _' type of list. She will be fine. You will worry for the first day, but as long as you see she is OK you will be fine after that. With ds1, now 19, I had to do it too.

bruffin · 10/02/2012 00:02

I did from secondary school age, but I was only 15min walk down the road.

squeakytoy · 10/02/2012 00:04

Do you really think she will be out of bed when you get home from work???

justonemorethread · 10/02/2012 00:06

I was on my own after school (from about 2.00) until my dad came home from work at the age of 12. He worked 10 min walk away and called me regularly to see what I was up to. I had to call him if I even wanted to go and get an ice cream.

I don't remember it being an issue at all.

marriedinwhite · 10/02/2012 00:13

If your daughter's happy about it, it will be absolutely fine. Mine are 17 and 13 now but dd has been left on her own in the holidays since she was 11. OK has a big bro in and out but their holidays don't always coincide. Both very sensible and made a joint decision when dd went to senior schoo that they did not want any more au-pairs.

My mum used to leave me when I was five or six for an hour to go to the shops. She thought I was better at home with the tv on than out in the freezing cold. I survived but I do remember the day she went bonkers because I had rearranged all the furniture - the sofa, chairs, coffee tables, etc. !

PessimisticMissPiggy · 10/02/2012 00:17

I had a key to my house from being 11. I let myself in after school most nights. I would be alone in the holidays until I went out to visit friends or pop around to my GPs on the bus. DM would call regularly.

My 12 nephew is alone after school twice a week for 2.5 hours. He loves it. He even puts the oven on for his mum and unloads the dishwasher. Fantastic child I've told him he can have a key to my house if he likes!

AnonyMaw · 10/02/2012 00:44

I was left alone at that age, and I enjoyed just being able to potter about and do totally my own thing. I remember my mum would go to the effort of preparing meals that only needed re-heating, then get annoyed with me because I hadn't bothered to eat them. My vague recollection of it was that I mostly spent my time doing nothing much at all, just watching TV or reading. My mum would call home once or twice a day. I think it was good for me to have that independence.

As I got older we were left for longer, to the point that my mum would work a late shift, then do a sleepover followed by an early shift (she was a carer), so we wouldn't see her for perhaps over 30 hours at a time. This started when I was 13, initially my Mum had a friend's teenager over to babysit us. I have an older brother and as soon as he turned 16 he was left officially in charge, but he took the opportunity to go off galavanting when mum wasn't around - it's funny but my mum is a proper old-school sexist, and didn't worry a jot about him because he was male, but he was definitely the least sensible of us, and used to get up to all kinds of inappropriate things, however if I'd dare to do as much as leave the house, if I wasn't around to answer the phone, I'd be in all sorts of trouble!

I didn't get up to anything terrible, at least not until I was perhaps 17 or so, and still completely unsupervised, but I look back on it all fondly!

Matches · 10/02/2012 00:51

I'll be the one to go against the grain and say I think she's too young to be home alone that young, especially if she's never done it before.

I think people's examples of two siblings being left together or one child being left for 2.5 hrs rather than 6 are totally different. I'd leave a 12 year old home without an adult in both those scenarios. But not the OP's.

tigerlillyd02 · 10/02/2012 01:46

if you trust her, it's fine :)

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/02/2012 07:54

at 12 she would have been possibly travelling to school via bus/train by herself for the past year (secondary school) esp if you work

sure she will be fine, if possible get a friend or neighbour to check on her and ring her once to reassure you

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