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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave my 12 yr old home alone for 2 (short) days in the school holidays so I can work?

66 replies

lottielou39 · 09/02/2012 23:10

she's 12. She'd be home alone for 2 short days (8.30-2.30) and is too old for holiday clubs and point blank refuses to consider idea of childminder. This would only be in school holidays and only 2 days. Is she too young? My friends are in 2 camps- those who think it's fine and those who think she's too young to be left home alone for 6 hours. I don't know what to do, is far easier arranging childcare for my baby!

OP posts:
cory · 10/02/2012 08:06

To me, this would be a normal situation, to some MNers it would not. I have left my 11yo for this kind of period, with a fiver to get himself some lunch.

My niece at the same age used to come home from school and did the food shop and had supper on the table when her mum came home. Not child labour- she genuinely enjoyed doing it (and has grown up a most capable young woman).

MrsHoarder · 10/02/2012 08:10

Are there friendly neighbours who will be around?

At the same age I used to love being left home alone during the working day (when my school had inset days) and used to just potter. But I knew that if anything went wrong to just walk out of the house and ring on one of the doorbells over the road to ask them to give me a hand (incedently I only had to do this once, aged 16 when I heard someone in the house. My youngest brother had somehow not gone to school...)

As long as there is responsible adult help within 30 seconds if there's a real problem then she'll be fine!

RevoltingPeasant · 10/02/2012 08:11

My mum left me alone when I was about 9/10 one afternoon week Confused

It was fine.

By 12, no problem. I am a bit bemused by all the 'make her a meal to heat up, go through what to do if' - can she not just make herself a sandwich for lunch?

If it had been my mum, she would've left a list of chores, not emergency numbers! Grin I'd do it and give her a small 'job' to do every day, then treat her at the end of the week for being so responsible.

Selyna · 10/02/2012 08:12

I was walking home from school alone by this age, and left alone in the house at my own request whilst parents went shopping every week. If you trust her then I would say go for it.

Hopstheduck · 10/02/2012 08:18

You know your 12 year old. My parents started going out without us on a weekend at this age though, I was 11 or 12 and I was looking after my younger brother who was 9.

I remember one summer day, I was 12 and my brother broke his arm deciding to skateboard down a hill,. This was before mobiles were really common and so they came home to find I had walked him to A&E, got his arm put in plaster, brought him home and dosed him up on paracetamol. The hospital never even blinked! Prob be different today though.

upahill · 10/02/2012 08:20

From the age of 11 I expected my boys to be left alone, make the beds when they got up, get the washing in and then in the dryer, have chill time by watching tv or whatever and have tea preped for when I get home.

I would phone to make sure there were no issues and they could phone me or their dad. We could get to them in minutes if needed.

BarmyBiscuit · 10/02/2012 08:21

Of course 12 is old enough. I was preparing the dinner for mum getting in from work at that age and it wasn't that long ago either. It's very good for helping them on the way to independence. Best thing that ever happened to me

AMAZINWOMAN · 10/02/2012 08:23

I completely agree that there is no childcare provision for 12 year old children. Not all childminders will take her either as it's only two days a week and they may prefer their vacancy to be given to a full time place.

At 12 she may sleep in until midday anyway, then it's only a few hours!!

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 10/02/2012 08:23

Good grief yes. I know every child is different but surely fostering a bit of independence is good for them . By 12 DS had been in high school for over a year and cycled 2.5 miles there and back each day, he gets himself up and sorts himself out with most things. OP YANBU

Maryz · 10/02/2012 08:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Northernlurker · 10/02/2012 08:27

I think it's fine.

LIZS · 10/02/2012 08:32

as long as she is happy, can reach you in case of problems and will keep to the rules then it is fine.

OnlyANinja · 10/02/2012 08:48

At 12 I would have been absolutely fine being in the house 8.30-2.30. Especially if I wasn't made to get up in the morning. If she only get out of bed at 10.30 then that's only 4 hours in the house alone :)

Make sure she knows that she is and is not allowed to eat/cook, the rules for if the doorbell rings (depends if she can see that it's a postman), whether she is allowed to go and call on friends (if they live nearby) or if she has to stay in the house.

seeker · 10/02/2012 08:53

Of course it is, so long as she is happy with it- and that she can say after the first time that she didn't like it and didn't want to do it again for a while.

Honestly, she's 12. She'll be fine.

maristella · 10/02/2012 08:56

If she's a responsible 12 year old (as most are) then as long as she can contact you, doesn't answer the door and can access food/drink etc then she'll be right as rain :)

I left my DS when he was slightly younger than your DD, it was that or face being replaced at work. He was fine! Felt really trusted :) He has a list of telephone numbers for emergencies on the wall, including neighbours, my office and relatives. He doesn't cook when I'm out (or when I'm at home...) but can do Chicago town pizzas, Pot Noodles, toast, sandwiches etc.

bubby64 · 10/02/2012 11:42

I'm reading this with interest, My 2 are now 11, and I am already wondering what to do in the Easter and summer holidays as they will then be too old for holiday club, they are whinging about going to it for 2 days next week already, saying they are "too old", but it is already booked and paid for in advance, and they have not been the most responsible of boys at times lately. I hope this will improve as they start to get a taste of High School towards the end of the school year. My 2 will be alone together from 8am - 12.15, when DH comes home for lunch, then again from 11pm - 3.15, when I get home, 2 days a week. We have several good neighbours/friends, and they have mobile and house phone, so I was going to give it a trial during the Easter hols.(they can go to a neighbour 4 doors up if it doesnt work)

rmfex2003 · 21/04/2012 12:58

Most of the respondents here seem to be breaking the NSPCC guidelines which say that under 12/13 are not o.k. to be alone for more than 15 minutes, and a 12 year old should not be looking after younger sibs. There do not seem to be any other guidelines. Should Mumsnet have its own attitude?

Sidge · 21/04/2012 13:09

I have left my DD1 home alone whilst I work for 5-6 hours, for the last year or so (she's 13.5 now).

She's sensible, capable and has contact numbers galore. I work locally so could get home quickly if needed.

By the time she heaves herself out of her pit, has some tea and toast and welds herself to the computer chair to play Minecraft for 4 straight hours without blinking I'm home Wink

I don't understand how anyone can expect teens to develop any sense of independence or capability unless you give them the opportunity to do so (safely of course, I appreciate some 12/13 year olds can't be left alone).

AnyFucker · 21/04/2012 13:11

yes, I do this with my 12yo

he doesn't get out of bed until I get home Smile (he is suddenly sleeping massive amounts...I predict a big increase in height soon)

AnyFucker · 21/04/2012 13:12

oops, I mean no, YANBU

wfrances · 21/04/2012 13:14

i wouldnt leave my 13 son ,for that length of time,i just wouldnt feel comfortable with it,
i do leave him for 30 mins at the very most if i pop to my mums and he doesnt want to come.
i will leave 15 daughter (but i check all doors and windows are locked) and remind her not to open the door.

DressDownFriday · 21/04/2012 13:16

Do you think she is sensible enough?

Is she happy to be left alone?

If yes to both - no problem.

Mrsrobertduvall · 21/04/2012 13:20

She will be fine...let her make her own lunch!!!
Wfrances...you check the windows are shut for your 15year old?
Is that to stop her falling out?

GreatGretzky · 21/04/2012 13:37

As long as she's sensible and happy with being on her own, I can't see why it'd be a problem