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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is my dh BU to think we cant live on £45 grand a year?

160 replies

Bellstar · 09/02/2012 12:56

Inspired by the other thread re household incomes.

A lot of people thought 45 thousand was a very good income and I agree. It is roughly our household income.

Dh thinks that it is impossible to live on this amount and i constantly moaning about it.

Is he BU?

OP posts:

molly3478 · 09/02/2012 13:08

It depends if its betwen 2 people it probably isnt any good as you would have to pay for your own chidcare, whereas if you were on less between the 2 of you then your childcare is practically free so not something you have to worry about.

PushyDad · 09/02/2012 13:09

Oops, Meant to say that it was impossible for us to live on £45k

Original poster

Bellstar · 09/02/2012 13:09

Sorry to start another thread on this matter as I know people are sick to death of them.

I am just pissed off at always being told we have no money to do things-redecorate the house for example-kitchen and bathroom are 30 years old! or have a wee holiday-ffs surely a weekend in a caravan is doable on that salary?

Seems maybe dh is right and I am BU...

OP posts:

MotherOfSuburbia · 09/02/2012 13:10

pushydad School fees? Maybe for one child - any more than that and it's unlikely you'd be able to do it on that salary.

FredFredGeorge · 09/02/2012 13:10

PushyDad but you change where you live, and most of those go away. You would need to show there is no suitable housing within walking/cycling distance of your job that costs little and explain how your childrens school fees are required in a country where school education is "free". You can certainly claim with your choices you cannot live on it, but you cannot pretend you don't have other choices which would enable it.

LingDiLong · 09/02/2012 13:10

OP, take control here. Have a look at your outgoings yourself. Surely you know whether you have money to do these things?

FredFredGeorge · 09/02/2012 13:13

Bellstar You can trivially see if you can afford holidays etc. Look at the amount of money you have in the bank, and the costs over the year - if the money goes up, you can afford to spend more on your holidays etc. If it's going down, you can't.

If you can't, you can probably change some expenditure so that you can, there's basically more than enough money for the things you want, however you may be already spending them on things you want more (a house of a particular size/location, an expensive car, whatever).

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 09/02/2012 13:13

pushyDad, 45k minus tax etc is around 30k; isn't that around the price of having a couple of kids at a private secondary? Never mind the mortgage/bills yada yada?

Jins · 09/02/2012 13:14

Is your DH entirely in control of the bank account? Do you have no access to statements etc?

How on earth can you cope with not knowing what's in the account when you go shopping or need to buy clothes or shoes?

You should definitely have a look at outgoings and do a budget as well

Original poster

Bellstar · 09/02/2012 13:15

I am just venting really. I think that like a lot of posters said on the other thread that 45 thousand is alot of money to some people and its not BU to expect to live okish on that amount.

OP posts:

mamalovebird · 09/02/2012 13:15

I guess it depends what you're used to. My DH is like this at the moment. He acts like we're on the breadline when I have to constantly remind him we're far better off and luckier than a lot of people.

He's just not used to our level of outgoings at the moment what with my reduced hours, nursery fees and having to subsidise a flat that won't sell whilst renting a house that fits us all in. We go down to the wire every month and it's a position he's not used to so it unnerves him and he's always had spare money in his pocket and savings.

Do you have extra financial pressure all of a sudden?

cobwebthegrey · 09/02/2012 13:17

your DH is being very U... That's roughly our household income and we manage just fine on it! We don't have a mortgage, because we rent, our rent is just over a third of his take-home and we still have enough to run2 cars, for DD and I to ride twice a week, for her to have violin lessons, and go swimming every week, for me to go to an aerobics class and go out at least once a week, to eat well, heat the house nicely, and to have the occasional holiday...though we haven't in the last couple of years because we moved house last year and this year cause we wanted to use the money for something else. We keep to a budget, and have periods where we tighten our belts if we need to get bigger items, but I think we have a lovely life and consider that we are very, very lucky to have that to live on. We have in the past also managed on a LOT less and still been happy, but 45k is a very good household income IMO!

LingDiLong · 09/02/2012 13:18

Well you know what, if you can afford to eat well, keep your house warm and your kids clothed then you ARE living okish. Renovations and holidays are living more than okish if you ask me.

Original poster

Bellstar · 09/02/2012 13:18

Fred-you must have missed my post where I said that we live in a 2 bed council house in a shit area

I guess I am just pissed off because dh wont discuss finances properly with me and when I point out areas in which he could save money-takeaway every weekend for example-he wont listen. Yet I have to listen to him whinging for hours about how we have no money,blah,blah,blah....

OP posts:

FedUpOfTheBunfightsSeaCow · 09/02/2012 13:19

He is BU.

Bramshott · 09/02/2012 13:19

No-one can answer that for you, only you know what your outgoings are - although clearly as the average family wage is about £25k, the only logical answer is "yes, of course".

The problem is not your income, but that your DH is constantly moaning about it. Is that in a "I simply don't know where the money is coming from to pay this bill" sort of way, or in a "all my friends earn more than me" sort of way.

Sit down and list your incoming and outgoing expenditure (the tool on Money Saving Expert is good) and then you'll see if you REALLY are living beyond your means. The either tell your DH to shut up, or work out a way to decrease your outgoings or increase your income. Then tell your DH to shut up - moaning about money is so boring!

Kayano · 09/02/2012 13:19

Well in theory you can live well

But you say you have debt
And don't seem to know of incomings/ outgoing and it's only an issue when you ant something and DH says no we can't afford it

And we can't know if he is right or you are right without details of income and expenditure

LingDiLong · 09/02/2012 13:20

He WON'T discuss finances with you? Then he's being hugely unreasonable. I don't know how you can stand for that...

Original poster

Bellstar · 09/02/2012 13:20

Ling-when I talk about redecorating the house I am not meaning that I want to spend a fortune making it look like the Next catalogue.

I mean that my kitchen cupboards have no doors on them,bath leaks causing huge cracks in ceiling,tiles all falling off etc.

Oh and our house is not that warm either as boiler fucked and of course we cant afford a new one!

OP posts:

LingDiLong · 09/02/2012 13:21

And he's prioritising takeaways? Pfff. Serious words need to be had OP. SERIOUS words.

cobwebthegrey · 09/02/2012 13:22

Bell star, do you have access to your financial information? Because it comes across as yr DH controlling the accounts and finances...this is Ok if you are both happy with it. But it sounds to me like you NEED to know for yrself where the money goes. I have control of the finances in our house, as DH is crap with money, but he knows where our budget spreadsheet is and can access it at any time and see where all the cash goes, and we review it all together regularly so we can decide what to spend on longer term. Is this something you would like to do? Why not ask your DH about it?

cobwebthegrey · 09/02/2012 13:24

Sorry x post, him not letting you see the finances would ring HUGE alarm bells for me... You are in a partnership no??? It is your right to know what's happening financially!

Jins · 09/02/2012 13:24

well after tax your income is going to be below £30k for sure because £45k puts you into higher rate. Assume £600 a week and you won't be far away from the truth. If there's big debts they will eat into it and I assume you have no idea how much does on this sort of thing?

Do you have a budget for spending?

Original poster

Bellstar · 09/02/2012 13:25

I think another poster has hit the nail on the head when they say dh is comparing himself to his work mates.

All their wives are professionals and have a far higher earning potential than me. But I try and counter that by pointing out that they also must have far higher outgoings as their kids go to private school,they go on holidays a few times a year and live in mansions!-well compared to us-4/5 bedroom houses.

I dont give a shit about living in a mansion-would die happy if w had a 3 bed! a weekend in a caravan and were able to sort my house out so that I not shamed to invite friends round.

OP posts:

eurochick · 09/02/2012 13:26

The problem here is not the amount of money in the pot, it is the secretiveness.

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