To want to become a midwife?

[CoralRose]

I'm 28. I have three DC 5 and under. My husband is self employed and works long hours to make ends meet.

I have no qualifications (except GCSE's) and would need to be in full time education for at least 4 years (I think) before I could start work.

It will cost us a fortune and I will see little return (in terms if money).

It will be tough, and I won't get to be Sahm to the 3 dc anymore.

AIBU, should I forget it and get a part time retail job when the DC are all at school?

Thank you for all the comments- definitely will be re reading them all. I'm still BF and my HV has asked me if I'd like to help out with bf support... Will be giving her a call I think

Great post, worriedsilly

Worriedsilly- thank you so much for your post. Amazing insight, and I'm truly thankful.

Could you "follow" a midwife for a few days, to see what a "typical day" is like?

Also, it sin't now or never. you are still young and could start in a year, or 2 years. Maybe do some volunteering (as a BF consultant or so)?

it doesn't have to be all or nothing.

If you really have a passion for a career, and it is something you have thought about long and hard, then go for it. If it is something that only has come into your head recently, give the idea some time to mature.

You haven't actually said why you want to be one?

I know a lot of women who suddenly, (don't know if the vocation- because for me anything medical is a vocation- suddenly hits them, or because they suddenly have children themselves, or because of the sudden plethora of TV shows on having-babies) "want" to become midwives.

Most of the ones I know seem to fall into the second category, almost as if having had one yourself gives you some sort of advantage,which I find odd. If you didn't yearn to be on before having children , then why after? As othrs hav said, it surely has to be (along with other on-call medical jobs) one of the least family-happy jobs around? One girl I know did the training, became a midwife, was shocked when she found out she'd have to do shifts, jacked it in and had 3 more children herself instead.

If you genuinely have a vocational yearning for it,then go for it,it will be hard, but yes,very worthwhile. But don't go for it for the sole reason that suddenly all-things-babies seem to be speaking to you.

Sorry!

We all know how magic it all is though don't we? We all get that being with a family and helping even one little bit is just amazing.

The reality is that drop out rates are pretty high, and midwives leave all the time.

I forgot to mention the shifts. Oh the shifts!! You will miss christmasses and easter fairs and school nativities. It is inevitable.

But...if it is your vocation, it is something you just do. You sign up for a way of life and that is because you have the vocation and it is almsot what you have to do.

One of our local uni's had 1200 applications for 18 places. Bonkers. I'm convinced 90% of those people had no idea what they were applying for.

What about being a doula instead/first? Birth doulas are fantastic - I had one (well, two different ones as we moved area before DC3) for all three of my births and can't praise them enough. You could look at the Doula UK website for details of how to become one. Not high earnings, but more flexibility with how much work you take on (e.g. you could avoid taking on women with due dates during summer hols etc.) You might get more of the satisfaction of helping women have successful births (and successful start to BF - my doula was key in that).

I am a midwife and I am about to leave to have my third baby. My advice to you is to wait until you have three children at school who can be a little bit self suficient before you start. The hours are not at all child care friendly and not even part time during the training and then of course there is lots of essay writing etc to do on top of the shift work. It is very very rewarding and an enoourmous privilege to be a midwife but it is also very stressful.

I trained with a lady who was nearly 50 and whose children had just gone off to university and she was the star student so don't worry about leaving it too late. Maybe look into midwifery assistant work in the meantime to get a taster. You would still have to do all the shift working but at least not much studying and you could be part time and it would help you get onto the very competitive course when the time is right.

Good luck

I want this too!! 28 and 3 dc under 4 here...

My plan is just to go for it sept 2013 with a full time access course. The 2 older dc will both be at full time school then and dc3 will be almost having 15hrs free nursery. Then apply for midwifery degree!

My dh works mon-fri 7-5 so childcare only needed around those times, of which his parents would probably be very helpful. It would be hard for everyone, but it's something I desperately feel I need to do.

I currently do voluntary breast feeding support at children's centre. When dc1 starts school this sept and dc2 has 15hrs at nursery I'm going to really concentrate on more voluntary work/experience.

Having read the downsides to midwifery...and I know there are a lot! I feel it's something I'm 'meant' to do! I would say go for it, but try and think about a time when it will be a bit more manageable, to increase your chance of success, good luck!

I wonder what effect 'Call the Midwife' will have on application rates....!

And OBEM

Another spot-on post from worriedsilly!

I'm a drop-out - left at the end of the second year (of three yrs). I have a lot of midwife friends.

For me the main reason for leaving was feeling that I wasn't getting nearly enough time with my DD - I felt like I was missing her growing up. The practicalities of childcare are really hard. How would you get childcare to cover nightshifts that won't allow you to be home in time for morning school run? How will you cover your on-calls, where you have to be able to go out at a moment's notice and be gone for many hours? Will your husband and children mind when you miss school events, aren't around at Christmas, birthdays etc? Are you capable of working 13 hour shifts (often without a break)? Exhausting rotas mixing day and night shifts?

Also, the responsibility is enormous - if you fuck up, a baby or woman could die - it really is that stark. For me, the joy of seeing the baby born safely never quite outweighed the anxiety I felt that something could go wrong. I was present at one traumatic occasion where something did go very wrong, so that probably coloured my experiences (and I'm naturally a worrier).

I'll post again later about the course itself - have to go out now.

What you haven't answered OP is why you want to become a MW?

Seven years ago I was in a similar situation to you, OP, young children, no money but really wanted to do something with my life. I did an access course, then BSc, PGCE and Masters and am going to do my PhD.

It's been ridiculously hard work, stressful, theres has been many tears, hundreds of all nighters getting essays finished but so worth it.

Go for it, just be realistic about what you will need to do and the sacrifices you will have to make but you won't regret it.

I want to do this. Have wanted to for about 8 years now but dc1 came along then dc2 and now am pg with dc3 (final dc!) I am trying to view it as a long term plan. I do feel I am mean to do it and will be happy if I achieve it one day even if I'm 40 by then for instance.

In the mean time I am doing part time care work. Have trained as a Breastfeeding peer supporter and am secretary for the Breastfeeding committee here. I am half way through an OU human biology course which will count as my access course (have checked with the Uni what they will and won't accept). My next plan is to try and get my NVQ 2 then apply for bank work at the local maternity unit as a healthcare assistant. Can't do this yet as the hours don't fit round the dc.

I plan to wait until all 3 dc are at school before considering applying, I'll be 35 by then so not too old

Baby steps and gathering experience is what I'll be doing whilst I wait. I was also planning on getting hold of the textbooks used on midwifery courses and reading them in advance.

Why?

I had my first DC at 21. Up until that point I'd dropped in and out of various a levels. Never really had a 'calling' to any career. I've had my Dc, and I'm consumed by babies/parenting/breast feeding. I've have a bookshelf full of books on babies:parenting and I consume them all, not necessarily for advice, but because it is fascinating. I follow numerous parenting/breast feeding/doula blogs and Facebook pages. It's not a normal obsession! I live and breath it, not just because of my own DC! Before Dc I was a birth partner to a friend, and for a couple of months after the birth I walked two miles up hill almost every day to help her, it just felt natural. I was 17. I would love to be able to do that again and again, to help in whatever situation. I feel I have alot to give. I think I would be great at it. I'd want me at my birth . My Grandma was a nurse all her life, and I couldn't be prouder, I want my Dc to feel that way about me. I really want a purpose beyond my own DC, and I feel this is 'right'. Midwifery, or possibly HV... I may try for a nursing degree and see where it takes me, I know I want to work with women and children though.

Sorry if that was a bit waffley, on phone!

I agree with everything worriedsilly has posted. I left midwifery a few years ago, after a fair number of years in post. The relief I still feel now to not be doing that job anymore is immense. Everyone says it is a wonderful job, and it can be, BUT it is massively stressfull, the management are, by and large completely unsupportive, many of the women and families you care for are unhappy because of the problems within the maternity system. You want to give good, research based care, but the reality of the conveyor belt system means that you can't. I don't know of any midwives who are truly happy in their jobs.

Think very, very carefully.

Could you look at working as an MHCA ? That would give you the same working environment but without the hideous outlay

AgathaFusty - my SIL is a midwife of some 8/9 years experience and she loves it.

For the reasons you give it sounds like you would be more suited to health visiting, as you have very little to do with babies and children being a midwife, it is all about women's health.

Health visiting does not have the shifts and unsocial hours, but you would still have to train as a nurse or midwife before you could be a Hv.

"I just feel this is the point that I might I might look back on in 10 years and say "why didn't I go for it?!" "

Well, I'd say that if you feel that then, you can still go for it then - then you will have fewer issues about the cost / practicalities of childcare, and if you want to you could do other, possibly less-fulfilling work in the interim to save up for the fees etc, and get some relevant experience if possible. You could also perhaps get some of the academic qualifications (A'Levels) under your belt without committing so much of yourself to studenthood through evening study. You are only 28 - the midwife with me for the birth of my first was superb, lovely, and newly qualified at 50-something. Time really does fly - 10 years is not such a long time! Good luck

Worriedsilly that is a great post, at the risk of hijacking the thread, thank you.

Coral I'd agree that the things you are interested in sound to be more about HV and post natal support than Midwifery. I'd certainly get back to your HV about the bf support and perhaps think about doing nursing. You can then go on to do a MW conversion or HV training depending. It will give you time to focus your ideas and see waht it is that you really want to do.

I wonder too about how many people apply because of OBEM and so on! And then I wonder how they separate us all out? I'm applying now, right in the middle of it all and while pregnant but this is something that has been growing on me for the past 51/2 years. I freely admit I never thought about it before I became pregnant with ds but my interest has grown from there and midwifery seems the only thing to do now.

I want to be a midwife too! And like OP have only GCSE's. I applied for the access course last year, and was sadly unsuccessful.

Since then I have asked at the local hospital for volunteer work, the person I spoke to their said they don't do that unless you are a student already. Later that week, my friend phoned, spoke to someone else, and is now volunteering there

There is an open evening at the college tonight so I am going to go to that. I am a qualified BfN advisor, but haven't done any work with them for 2+years, so am hoping it will still count for something.

If I get on the course, I then have to battle with the local council to keep my housing benefit, and find out what other help there is for living costs. I know there is a bursery, and some charities give grants to single parents!

Good Luck OP :)

Op, just to reiterate, midwifery is not the best career choice if you are into babies. Like others have said, health visiting or children's nursing with view to neonatal care may be better.

My friends laugh a me; a midwife who isn't desperately keen on babies! I am, however, obsessed with pregnancy and childbirth and the care of women. Midwife = with woman, not babies.

The job stresses you in ways you won't believe 'til you do it. As with any job dealing with people, helping people at a unique, stressful, unpredictable time can often bring out the worst in them, coupled with the fact that expectations are very high within an area of poor resources. I personally wouldn't do anything else but the drop out rate is really high because often we can't practice midwifery how we want to.

have been reading this with interest, as this yearning for midwifery too is something that im wrestling with at the moment, except i dont have the luxury of time on my side, as you do OP (in my 40th year ). you have given me lots to think about worriedsilly. i said to my DH the other night, i wished i had realised 20 years ago that this is what i would like to do - as i have to be honest it wasnt something i had considered until i was pregnant myself the first time (DS almost 5).

i have had a lot going on recently, vol redundancy and i am now a SAHM until youngest gets to school so i am rather all over the place as in 'what should i do next with my life' at the moment. i want to be sure that i definately want to pursue this before committing to spending out on the OU training etc. I wouldnt want to be one of the ones that dropped out (should by any miracle i get a uni place) if my family had supported me thus far. also this is a really silly question, but to the midwives - would having suffered PND in the past automatically exclude me from training? i know that medical records are required for some courses.

sorry for the rushed rambled post, but rushing out on nursery run. will check thread again later!