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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask you if you have a favorite?

113 replies

my2centsis · 07/02/2012 20:29

Dc?

Dps parents quite clearly have a favorite, they have 5 children between them and I have Hurd them admit to having a favorite which they make time to see at least once a week were as their other children they see once a month!

Recently 3 different people have also admitted to me they also have favorite kids??

Is this normal? I have 2 dc and love them both more then words, I don't favor 1 over the other and love different things about each of them.

What are your thoughts?

OP posts:

sheeplikessleep · 07/02/2012 21:50

Gawd, having favourites? Really?

Bewilderedmum · 07/02/2012 22:06

I love both of them the same. To the moon and beyond...

At various points in their lives though, I have found it slightly easier to relate to one than the other. Two years ago, I found Ds2 easier than Ds1.

Now, Ds1 is 14, (and a half!) and absolutely fascinating! I love seeing him grow into being a young - sometimes truculent- sometimes very lovely - young man :o

The younger one is still my little boy (he's 8) and he's very engaging, snuggly and gorgeous :o There isn't too much change going on for him at the moment - he's well stable, lots of mates, settled etc- at the mo...

what I want to say is that for various reasons and at different times, some stages and aspects of their personality are more interesting, easier to relate to, than others

I get periods of stability, times of interesting change, periods of them acting like neaderthals for whatever reason, and me wanting to tear my hair out, and also times when I am so proud of them I can't speak!- and none of them coincide with each other for either child Ds1 is very like his dad - ds2 is very like me - they both have lovely (and less lovely) qualities - But I wouldn't say I have a favourite.

historyrepeats · 07/02/2012 22:11

My parents have two favourites not me

aquashiv · 07/02/2012 22:17

Yes the dog!

Maryz · 07/02/2012 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissMogwi · 07/02/2012 22:21

The cat's is my favourite. She doesn't answer back.

MissMogwi · 07/02/2012 22:21

cat

pictish · 07/02/2012 22:24

I used to say (of my brother) "You love HIM more than ME!"
My brother used to say (of me) "You love HER more than ME!"

My mother used to say "I've obviously got something right!"

Anyway - I have three, and they are ALL my favourites!

StepfordWannabe · 07/02/2012 22:37

My father used to always say he and mam were doing OK when we all thought that we were the favourite (I KNEW I was though, he was just humouring the other two...)

sunshineandbooks · 07/02/2012 22:40

When I was pregnant with my twins, I used to worry about this (although not a lot TBH because I am not one of nature's worriers). Five years later, I have no idea why I worried about it. Children are so different you cannot possibly compare them. They each have their unique characteristics that I love about them (and their less desirable traits that drive me insane ). I love them differently because they are different people, but it's the same amount. And it increases with every day. I love my children more now than at any previous point in their lives.

Beamur · 07/02/2012 22:44

Yes, but I have only the one.
DP has 3 and I'd say he loves them all very much but differently, but I think he does have a special kind of affection for his first born.

rhondajean · 07/02/2012 22:49

I really genuinely do not have a favourite. I love,them both for their differences and where dd1 is thoughtful sometimes narky and quit quiet and deep, and can have long meaningful chats, dd2 is full of fun and bouncy and always makes me smile.

Dd1 has told me she thinks she is my favourite. DH thinks dd2 is my favourite. Dd2 is too busy prancing to notice.

blackoutthesun · 07/02/2012 22:54

my mum always told my 2 sisters and i who the favorite was

it was always the dog

LeQueen · 07/02/2012 22:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

overthehillmum · 07/02/2012 23:04

Hmmm.. We do the who would you save first on a boat that was sinking....or who would you save if a gun was pointed at them and you had to choose.....my answer normally revolves round who hasn't been doing what I asked of them that week...... My partner normally comes after the kids, my daughters best friend, the cat and then possibly my new car.....he knows his place...

And maryz is right, I do different things for my kids depending on what they need.

corlan · 07/02/2012 23:05

I grew up in a family where my mother made it very clear who her favourite child was. The damage it caused to all of us, including my mother, was huge.

She still does it now and makes it very clear who her favourite grandchild is.

Cathycat · 07/02/2012 23:08

Definitely not. I often think that ds1 is reliable and responsible. And that ds2 is imaginative and has a great sense of humour. And that dd is friendly and happy. And that ds3 is chatty and confident. But then they often surprise me and all show these traits.

DizzyCow63 · 07/02/2012 23:32

I only have one DS of my own (9 months), but have DSD (14yrs) too, I can honestly say I love her to pieces but obviously don't have quite the same bond as with DS, although we are extremely close, but I make a real point to make sure I treat them both equally and show no favourite.

My sis is absolutely my mum's favourite and has caused me huge issues personally which I still struggle with in regards to self-esteem/self-confidence etc.

springydaffs · 07/02/2012 23:58

We do the who would you save first on a boat that was sinking....or who would you save if a gun was pointed at them and you had to choose..... oh dear God I am traumatised just thinking about that, I couldn't possibly answer it.

No favourites, adore them all totally (even if they are total shits at the moment). It's amazing how we love our kids really, the depth, the totality of it. It's like magic.

I jsut can't comprehend it when people say so-and-so child is their favourite. That's not love!

Aribura · 08/02/2012 00:08

"It's like magic."

It's like a biological function to ensure we don't eat our young (sorry)

I respect people who have the balls to admit that they do have a favourite, I don't think they should be vilified so much as long as they don't cause any harm and flaunt it about.

springydaffs · 08/02/2012 00:22

cheers Aribura

have the balls to admit they love themselves over and above any child they bear? YOu make it sound noble.

Spermysextowel · 08/02/2012 01:07

Yep; I have a favourite, but that doesn't mean I love myself more than either if them & I don't think anyone's said that?

springydaffs · 08/02/2012 01:10

If you love one child more than the others, that is about you , not about your children.

springydaffs · 08/02/2012 01:11

I should say, if you 'love' one child etc - because it's not love.

WillCrossThatBridge · 08/02/2012 01:18

springydaffs tbh, I don't think having a favourite, in my case, is about loving one more than the other, I definitely love them both enormously and beyond measure but I tend to enjoy DD more than DS 'cause of the stage of life she is at at the moment.

Yes, that is about me but I am not being selfish about it and there is no way I could choose between them to save one. I recognise that my "favourite" could and will change as time goes by.

I think to say that someone doesn't "love" their child 'cause they say that they prefer one is ridiculous!

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