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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

HV seemed appalled I was back at work.

61 replies

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 07/02/2012 11:03

Took 1 year old dd to the HV for a weigh in. She commented it had been a while since I had taken her 3 (months). I explained that was when I returned to work.
She asked me what days I didn't work (assumed I was part time). I said Saturday and Sunday, I work full time. She looked appalled at this and wanted to know why work had not allowed me to go back part time.

Surely it can't be all that uncommon to go back full time at 9 months.

OP posts:
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 07/02/2012 11:04

Of course its not, she is being a dick!!

Being a f/t working mother is a massive guilt trip as it is, dont let her add to it! :)

lukewarm · 07/02/2012 11:05

Course not. Some hv seem to have taken a course in complete lack of social skills and common sense though.

eurochick · 07/02/2012 11:05

It's her problem, not yours. Ignore the silly woman.

valiumredhead · 07/02/2012 11:06

Is your name Amanda Holden Wink

Do what is right for you and don't worry about daft comments from the HV :)

WeShouldOpenABar · 07/02/2012 11:06

her experience is limited purely because the people available to go to see her are sahm or part timers she probably never meets full time working mothers so thinks they dont exist - narrow world view

missnevermind · 07/02/2012 11:07

Must be my area then.
My HV was horrified that DH works - we have 4 DC - and told me he should give it up as we would get more on benefits.

trustissues75 · 07/02/2012 11:07

I don't think it's really any of her business.

mumblechum1 · 07/02/2012 11:08

Depends on the demographic, I guess. Certainly I went back when ds1 was 3 months old, 4 days a week, which wasn't unusual at that time and in an area with mostly professional people.

In an area where perhaps women tend to be quite low earners, and childcare would eat up their salary, not going back may be the norm.

Lueji · 07/02/2012 11:09

I went back to work full time at 4 months.

Nobody ever asked or said anything.

Pagwaatch · 07/02/2012 11:11

Hvs are just people and, rightly or wrongly, they bring their own prejudices and shit to work with them.

Her opinion is just that, her opinion.
Just ignore her. You are happy with your choice. Ignore

Original poster
WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 07/02/2012 11:12

Thank you. Will ignore ignore ignore.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 07/02/2012 11:13

Missnevermind
Beyond shocked at your HV.

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 07/02/2012 11:14

My midwife was dismayed i was still at full time work when 34 weeks pg! I don't think they mean to criticise your choices as such - they just have certain expectations and sometimes put their foot in their mouth. Because maternity leave goes up to a year now it is much less common than it was to see mums returning before a year. Likewise with better flexible working legistlation more women do pick part time. I wouldn't worry about it.

shemademedoit · 07/02/2012 11:14

With my 1st and 2nd, I went back after 6 and 4 weeks. With my 3rd, 10 days. With my fourth: 6 years. Do what is right for you and your family, and know you are doing your best.

meravigliosa · 07/02/2012 11:16

None of her beeswax. You do what you want and/or need to do.

I am SE and having been working on and off since 6 weeks, now getting back to nearly full-time at 16 weeks.

Meglet · 07/02/2012 11:17

When I was having problem with DS my HV was shocked I was working as LP. The kids were 3 & 1 at the time.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 07/02/2012 11:17

She sounds like she lives in the dark ages with her judgey pants hoisted right up to her chin!

missnevermind · 07/02/2012 11:18

To be honest it wasnt even the worst thing she said.

I mentioned her at the surgery and was asked what I had thought of her, I just said at least she would be retiring soon. The nurse said that it spoke volumes as she knew her and asked me to have an informal chat about her visit with another -younger - HV

Original poster
WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 07/02/2012 11:22

You guys are great. Was feeling really guilty before posting, much better now.

OP posts:
missnevermind · 07/02/2012 11:37

Rule of MN - Never feel guilty about a HV

Not the first rule but maybe about 4 or 5

cheekyseamonkey · 07/02/2012 11:39

I on the other hand was criticised for NOT going back to work as id be putting pressure on my DH & setting a bad example to my dd! Now about o sprig with second, dd us 2.1. I intend to go back full or almost full time when they're both at school.

She should mind her own bloody business, I think I'd still be standing there rooted to the spot with shock if I were you!

cheekyseamonkey · 07/02/2012 11:40

Found out yesterday that my fav community midwife just left to be a HV, not sure if that's good or bad!

CMOTDibbler · 07/02/2012 11:47

I went back ft when ds was 4.5 months old. My HV was nothing but supportive, wheras the local NCT bf counsellor (I was asking about continuing to bf when working) was very judgey about it.

thinneratforty · 07/02/2012 11:54

You must have the same HV as me. Same comment when I asked if there were any vaccination clinics at the beginning or end of the day to make it easier for working parents. Apparently she'd never met anyone who had gone back to work full time so quickly (it was seven months). Silly cow!

stealthsquiggle · 07/02/2012 11:54

Absolutely ignore her. I was back full time when DS was 4mths old. Judgey HV's were offset by nice sensible working mother GP. DC2 hardly saw HVs at all, thus depriving them of the chance to judge Grin

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