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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

HV seemed appalled I was back at work.

61 replies

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 07/02/2012 11:03

Took 1 year old dd to the HV for a weigh in. She commented it had been a while since I had taken her 3 (months). I explained that was when I returned to work.
She asked me what days I didn't work (assumed I was part time). I said Saturday and Sunday, I work full time. She looked appalled at this and wanted to know why work had not allowed me to go back part time.

Surely it can't be all that uncommon to go back full time at 9 months.

OP posts:
Firawla · 07/02/2012 12:01

some hv obviously have a very narrow experience of people so just ignore! you dont have to take your dc to be weighed anyway you can do it at home at your leisure.

Deliaskis · 07/02/2012 12:03

I felt like the only person going back at 6 months, and my HV was a bit Hmm but, honestly, it's none of their business, and they nothing of our financial situ, and my job situ. I do wonder whether there is still an expectation, particularly among older HVs, that women probably don't earn as much as men, so the loss of income whilst on SMP is not that big a deal. Totally wrong in a lot of cases and behind the times, and presumptuous!

D

NubblesStryverFlintwinch · 07/02/2012 12:09

I had something like this from my ds's teacher when he was 8 years old. She expressed surprise that I was never in the playground at pick up time.

duckdodgers · 07/02/2012 12:09

I agree with Delia, with us I earn more than my DH so had to go back to work when DS3 was 6 months, maternity leave might be a year but there was no way we could afford my salary to drop down to SMP only.

BumbleBee2011 · 07/02/2012 12:12

Not uncommon for them to make IMO very unfair value judgements.

I was at a baby massage class and the HV running it basically said people these days go back to work so they can "go on holiday"...I wish! Last time I went on holiday was my honeymoon...if she'd said "pay your mortgage" like that was a luxury then fine, but holiday?!

Sometimes I wonder if they live in the real world...

NichyNoo · 07/02/2012 12:34

Wonder how she would cope in Belgium where maternity leave is only 15 weeks!!!!!

DrCoconut · 07/02/2012 12:36

I had to go back to work when DS2 was 6 months as I'm our main earner. I was sad about it but luckily did not feel judged by HV. The woman in our local shop was horrified though and asked how I can drop him at nursery without feeling guilty and I resisted the temptation to say that making him homeless by no longer paying the mortgage would be worse.

kickingking · 07/02/2012 12:38

They tend to make assumptions based on what they are used to. Like they always assumed I was formula feeding because the vast, vast majority of mums do round here.

She sounds judgy though - no need for that.

christinabell · 07/02/2012 12:43

I was back at uni when my son was TEN days old - I wonder what she would have said to me! Ignore her Wink

MrsMumf · 07/02/2012 12:45

Honestly thought you were going to say you'd gone back the next day or similar. 9 months is not unusual here. You aren't getting SMP anymore so it's not ridiculous to go back to work, if the money is needed or even if money is ok but you are not for being a SAHP. Also, what is it to her unless you are leaving baby on their own all day?

OrmIrian · 07/02/2012 12:46

"I just reckon life's too short to press on with a book you're not enjoying"

Good lord, no it isn't!

When mine were born mat leave was about 14 weeks.

OrmIrian · 07/02/2012 12:47

"Surely it can't be all that uncommon to go back full time at 9 months."

ha! That was the quote I meant.... Hmm

TopazMortmain · 07/02/2012 12:50

You should have flicked her between the eyes

She sounds super helpful Hmm

Ignore

DottyDot · 07/02/2012 12:53

I'm the main wage earner, so went back to work full-time when ds was 5 months old. And that's that - no-one else's business Smile

CoffeeDog · 07/02/2012 13:47

My midwifes were all up in arms i was still working at 37 wks preg with twins.

I felt fine, pregnancy was easy going i worked in a non stressy job 'customer service ;) people MADE ME tea and brought in yummy things for me to eat and genrally cared about me i was booked in for a planned c-section at 38+4(breech and transverse) on the friday i left work at 6pm on the thursday in tears as i 'lost' the lovely support of my co-workers and had to start making my own tea.

Gave up the weigh ins after 3 months... HV would say after telling me she didnt know how i coped that the twins weight was different - um yes they are non idetical and they were 2lb different at birth so why would they all of a sudden weigh the same?

LordGiveMeStrength · 07/02/2012 13:54

I'm suddenly really happy with my HV. I went back at 6 months with both my kids and she's been amazing scheduling visit around my 4 day work week. Even came to my house on her day off to see us for one of my son's checkups because she knew i had recently returned to work and that I probably wasn't keen to take a day off after 6 months of mat leave.

Ignore her.

GetOrfMoiiLand · 07/02/2012 13:58

When dd was born the maternoty leave provision was 18 weeks - I took 6 weeks off prior to the birth (was told I had to [hmm) and then back at work FT at 3 months.

I don't know what the HV said as I never met her. Seeing her at a distance was enough for me to realise that she would have nothing of interest to say to me, and being a young single mother I had been judged enough. Sod 'em.

I really like "the first rule of mumsnet is never feel guilty about an HV"

dotandgertie · 07/02/2012 13:59

HV needs to do something to keep her awake, weighing healthy babies is pointless and beyond boring. I used to hate clinics, stopped being a HV as soon as I could find another job that paid £40,000 a year.
Healthy babies don't need to be weighed but they still kept coming, 40+ babies all in perfect health in 2 hours. Such a waste of time when child protection work gets left undone. It used to drive me demented, its hard to think of something meaningful to say after the first half hour, I used to switch off and spout rubbish like this just to get through the clinic.

lisaro · 07/02/2012 13:59

It can be 'little' judgemental comments that can tip someone over the edge. I should know, I would never trust a HV as far as I could spit them.

coraltoes · 07/02/2012 14:26

I hate hate hate HVs and any other medical staff who bring their stupid anecdotal lives into work wth them. Medicine is based on fact. Stick to it and leave your patient the hell alone to lead her life as she chooses.

molly3478 · 07/02/2012 14:38

As a poster said above I was back at uni when baby was 10 days old and I only had that long off as it was half term. The h/v never said anything about it, I just had to arrange appointments round my schedule.

parisianwife · 07/02/2012 16:45

How judgemental of her!

I wonder if she would have the same disapproval of your DC's dad going back to work fulltime at 9 months.

Oh wait, it's only mums that are meant to stay home, isn't it! DC's dad would be a good father for earning the bacon - silly me.

Ignore her - YANBU unless there's a medical reason why you specifically shouldn't be back at work.

catgirl1976 · 07/02/2012 17:38

I've been back part time since DS was 10 days old

Tell her to mind her own business Hmm

EssentialFattyAcid · 07/02/2012 17:41

Write a letter of complaint
This is totally unprofessional behaviour

TheParanoidAndroid · 07/02/2012 17:44

Don't write a letter of complaint, for fucks sake, just be a grown up and move on.

Some people must do little else than write letters of complaint.