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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

.. for not wanting house guests

70 replies

PushyDad · 06/02/2012 23:56

We have a relatively spacious four bedroom house that is 20 minutes fast train into London. Because of our location and the fact that we have a spare room we keep geting requests from relations who want to stay.

This ranges from young relations who want somewhere to stay overnight so that they can go clubing in London to a relation looking for a room for his 18 yr old DS who was about to start a degree course in London. Then there was the overseas relation who wanted us to accomodate his DS whom he wanted to do his GCSEs in the UK.

It seemed too petty to turn down the overnight requests so we don't but we've made it clear that we don't want any boarders as such.

I mentioned this to a few friends and they think IABU. They think nothing of offering up a room for a friend of a friend.

If you had a spare room, would you give it up for a few months if asked?

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 06/02/2012 23:58

YANBU.. it is your home, and unless you have a sign outside saying B & B, then you are well within your rights to be pissed off if people use you as one..

BluddyMoFo · 06/02/2012 23:58

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BluddyMoFo · 06/02/2012 23:59

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LadyHarrietDeSpook · 07/02/2012 00:00

yes, i think you should specifically to my au pair and her boyfriend. good practice for that retirement B &B.

kensukeskitchen · 07/02/2012 00:21

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kensukeskitchen · 07/02/2012 00:25

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manticlimactic · 07/02/2012 00:28

Your friends may think you ABU but I bet if they were in your shoes and had people asking quite often, they would soon change their tune.

Original poster
PushyDad · 07/02/2012 00:30

The relation (MrsPD's bro) managed to convince their mother to take the boy. Boy, is she regretting that now. Maybe I should let her know about MN. Watch out for a thread that goes - AIBU for kicking the shit out of a lazy ungrateful grandson? :o

OP posts:
Original poster
PushyDad · 07/02/2012 00:36

Actually the friends have an open house so they do regularly have people staying. They travel a lot (Double Income No Kids) They meet fellow travellers who invite them to stay when they are in their part of the world (Australia, NZ) Similarly when those traveller friends are in the UK they stay with them.

Being anti-social I usually hand out false email addresses to people I meet abroad :)

OP posts:
AfternoonDelight · 07/02/2012 00:36

YANBU. It's incredibly cheeky for people to assume that they can use you as a hotel just because you have a big house!

The occasional weekend or overnight stay, I get, but asking to stay for months on end?! I'd be laughing in their faces and then saying, "Oh, you were serious... cough... well, this is awkward..."

Grin
whatnoketchup · 07/02/2012 00:42

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ReduceRecycleRegift · 07/02/2012 00:46

there is a difference between asking and expecting! sounds like you think everyone who asks, expects! so YABU for that! not UR to say no (I'ld prob say yes, love having an open full house)

oreocrumbs · 07/02/2012 00:47

I hate house guests! I am a fully paid up anti social miserable bugger though and not many people are foolish enough to ask to stay Grin.

I do have house guests - of the fleeting visit sort, but I would never allow a long term lodger! I like my own space, I like the fact that DP works nights and I can slob out watching crap tv, mn and generally zoning out, and I would not want to play host long term.

I vant to be alone.....

SlinkingOutsideInFrocks · 07/02/2012 00:54

I was all set to come on here and say YABU, but actually, you're not.

I love having (our own) friends to stay - the more the merrier in my book - but some random's 18 year for weeks at a time? I don't think so...

Original poster
PushyDad · 07/02/2012 01:01

whatnoketchup - Indonesian actually

Going off topic a bit - I had a friend who had his niece stay with him in the US. The nieces's parents owned a business in Africa and wanted their daughter to study in the US.

Forget about having servants to bring you water, the niece, as a child, would literally be carried to the kitchen by servants. Well, at least she got her own water eh? :)

My friend couldn't really complain about the niece since her dad had loaned my friend the money to buy his business in the US.

OP posts:
startail · 07/02/2012 01:21

UANBU
I have my sister a couple of times a year and the DDs friends to sleep over occasionally at that's enough.
DH's DSIS is welcome, as are her DC's and even her DH. However, she isn't a great one for traveling.

lesley33 · 07/02/2012 01:25

Overnight or for a few nights no problem. But having a lodger no YANBU.

Winetta · 07/02/2012 03:38

YANBU, OP! As an expat, we always have heaps of house guests - that's our choice, and we love having them (for short visits, ha!). But they are our friends/family, not friend of friend or offspring of friend... would definitely say no in that instance.

sunnydelight · 07/02/2012 03:58

YANBU. We used to call Summer "French cousin open season" when we lived in London. DH's mother would regularly announce the arrival of some random niece or nephew, when we finally learnt to say no she was totally miffed.

Following the same woman's month long stay with us in Sydney (nearly three years ago and we haven't spoken since) I have a strict "one night only" policy on house guests. I have recently ignored a whole spate of FB "friend requests" by parents of 18yo DS1's old UK mates who are now on gap years. If you haven't wanted to keep in touch for the past 5 years since I left you can fuck off if you think I'm providing a free place for your kid to stay now.

bumblebeader · 07/02/2012 07:35

YANBU. My home is my sanctuary and I need my space. I prefer not to have houseguests and avoid when possible, nor do I like staying with other people.

GoEasyPudding · 07/02/2012 07:55

I have enjoyed reading this thread as I really admire the cool as heck attitude you guys have saying no to people.

I have a two bedroom house near enough to easily mainline train it into London in about 30 mins.
My SIL and her boyfriend asked to stay a number of times for various things, and we havent minded but now we have a DS it's a little more tricky as we really dont have the room.

They don't stay too long though so its all been OK so far.

DS has a cot bed in his room but we have also been stuck with an ugly old smelly spare truckle bed in his room which DH wants to keep for guests. We sometimes take the matress's off and set them up in the living room.

Now the problem is I want this smelly bed gone now as it really isnt fair on DS having so much of his bedroom taken up. When I see other kids bedrooms I feel really bad we havent got the same lovely space for DS.

By getting rid of this bed though I am effectively saying to my DH that I dont want his sister to stay any more. We are having quite the battle over it.

ENormaSnob · 07/02/2012 08:12

Yanbu

Goeasy, get rid of the bed.

GreatExpecTEEtions · 07/02/2012 08:27

YANBU

I would never allow anyone to stay with me for more than a night or two. My niece and two of her friends were here over Christmas for 4 nights and that was probably the longest I would allow and only for close family.

Certainly not for Cousin Judy's Brother's Nephew's Sister's Cousin!

aquafunf · 07/02/2012 08:27

go easy- sofa bed in lounge- really decent one, problem solved.

aquafunf · 07/02/2012 08:30

we have friends who live in lovely part of france and are inundated with this kind of request. we used to stay for the odd week when kids were little BUT 1) we would muck in with with kids/cleaning/cooking. and 2) I would hand over a nice wodge of money towards food and stuff at the start of the week. They were always pleased with the money and would say that the number of people that would just arrive for a free holiday were unbeleivable. They were a hardworking couple, trying to earn enough to feed their own kids