.. for not wanting house guests

[PushyDad]

We have a relatively spacious four bedroom house that is 20 minutes fast train into London. Because of our location and the fact that we have a spare room we keep geting requests from relations who want to stay.

This ranges from young relations who want somewhere to stay overnight so that they can go clubing in London to a relation looking for a room for his 18 yr old DS who was about to start a degree course in London. Then there was the overseas relation who wanted us to accomodate his DS whom he wanted to do his GCSEs in the UK.

It seemed too petty to turn down the overnight requests so we don't but we've made it clear that we don't want any boarders as such.

I mentioned this to a few friends and they think IABU. They think nothing of offering up a room for a friend of a friend.

If you had a spare room, would you give it up for a few months if asked?

I don't mind friends from uk staying for a night or two.

I don't want the responsibility of teenagers-especially from abroad. In my -bitter- experience it turns nasty. 'she didn't take our dd out at all' (yes, well we don't eat at pizza hut every night), 'the house was freezing' (23C), etc.

My parents used to live near London but convenient for Gatwick. Relations lived 300 miles away and often came to stay. Why? Because Gatwick was not far away so useful if they were going on holiday. We always used to go to visit them to see them. Do they come to visit us? No because we no longer live near Gatwick and/or their local airport's aircraft go where they want to go.

Having said all that though, I do like to have visitors and I have sufficient but the relations don't come.

YANBU, personally I wouldn't ask if I could stay at anyone's house unless it was because I actually wanted to visit them as opposed to avoid paying for a travelodge. I guess an exception migt be if I was travelling somewhere and a friend's house was a convenient stopover point, but even then I would be asking to stay so I could catch up with that person as well as getting a bed for the night iyswim.

You are definitely NOT being unreasonable. Heaven knows, I find it stressful enough to have people over for a few hours, never mind days or weeks at a time. Go away, it's my house, I want to slob out in it without feeling guilty or obliged to entertain someone, AND I want to watch EastEnders with the volume turned up and the subtitles on and without some stuffy relative moaning all the way through about how depressing it all is!!!

Not that I've had bad experiences or anything...

YANBU. Hecate's got it exactly - visiting me, fine; availing yourself of my house, not so much.

I have a very comfy guest room for selfish reasons (snoring boyfriend), and love weekend visitors, but I find keeping two large and affectionate dogs tends to put off long-term stayers nicely, especially if they have a lot of black clothes.

Makes me anxious - no - not if I can help it - ever!

Another one agreeing with Hecate. Most of my visitors are close friends or family travelling particularly to see me, usually for 1 week max.
I have no desire to run a B&B. We have a small house so that doesn't happen. No to the teenagers wanting to go clubbing or use the house as a hotel whilst doing their degree.

We used to have this too. When we first lived in London a friend from Uni rang up asking to stay I said OK then he said, oh actually its not me its a girl I know.

She turned up and basically I had a total stranger in my flat.

PILs used to stay every time they went on holiday. Which was often.

Now we live in the back of beyond - no one wants to stay. Funny that.

Not a chance. I don't mind the odd friend for a week but a stranger, no chance!

Hmm, do these people not know the saying "House guests, like fish start to smell after 3 days"

YASNBU. We have random teenagers from local language schools staying from between a week and a month. But crucially we have a big attic with bathroom so they are out of our way and most importantly they PAY me. £1500 on a good month no way would I do this for free.

YANBU and how refreshing to see it's not just me that hates being an unpaid skivvy for people too tight to cough up for hotels.

I have just started saying no to overnight guests on the official grounds that my DS2 does not sleep with people in his room (he is 2) and also for the fact that when we have people to stay, I don't get to either leave the kitchen or sit down.

What pisses me off is how miffed people are getting (two close relatives in particular). What they don't understand is if DS2 doesn't sleep, then I don't sleep either and I am up early to start my kitchen shift for the bloody guests who are staying. We only have a 3 bed house and 2 children. Don't people get that using us for free accommodation when we have 2 under 6s is not on? How come I'm the bad guy?

Grrrr.

yanbu.

Turn it into a study

We say yes to friends and family, and short stays. It also depends who asks.

The less you explain the better. A simple "I am sorry but it is not convenient for us" should do the trick.

I hate the fish saying. I am happy to have family guests for a week or so as there are long distances between us.

no yanbu, I hate houseguests, I have enough on my plate with kids / husband / job without catering to others needs as well. Even when my mother stays it is hard work but she's the only exception....

Thanks for the advice chaps! Airbed it is then.

Seems obvious now, doh! I think the real problem is that DH does hate to give up on the free 2nd hand stuff we have had for 15 years!
We dont need a new sofa so cant really get a sofa bed, so I guess the airbed is the best option. Easy to fold and put away. Lubberly. I have never slept on one myself and just made a massive assumption that they were uncomfortable.

Having guests to stay is a lot of hard work - I like it 50% of the time and then find the other 50% cursing the day I said yes.

I was just thinking about a work collegue who was put on the spot like this by her relatives.
The work collegue was going aboard to visit family. Extended family of her family knew therefore they would be away from their house in London and asked if they could stay in the house.

My friend was really put on the spot and didn't really want to say yes but felt she couldn't say no. I suggested that she use the excuse that she was having the house decorated while they were gone. This worked a treat. No one was offended.
The white lie turned into reality as she did in fact get the house done by by a trusted friend of her husbands. That was a double win for her. No rellies trashing the place in her absense and instead on her return some lovely new painted rooms to enjoy.

annh (from way up thread, I got very side tracked), no she hasn't got tickets and she's in the US, so would cost a bloody fortune to fly here. I just know we'd be expected to pick up the tab for everyone else. Plus I don't want the responsibility of a 16yo. Far too much can be got up to at that age!

Oops, everything else not everyone

YANBU. We have a "3 night max" and we are very open about that. When we were travelling we used to get in touch with people to see if we could stay (always such a treat to stay in a "real" person's house), but never minded if it didn't suit and never stayed over 3 nights. Anyone who doesn't turn up with wine, pitch in with some chores, praise the food and then bugger off promptly after 3 nights will never be allowed again.

I used to get DH and his drunk mates turning up after the rugby sometimes because they were too tight to get a cab. I used to make them all sleep on the floor and refused to let them in the older DCs beds even tho they are at their dad's at the w/e. the thought of smelly farty puky drunk blokes in my DCs beds was too much. Nowadays I daren't let anyone in The teens bedrooms cos they are soo bloody filthy!
His mates all have decent jobs and their own small kids and they have taken the hint and use a taxi.