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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to foist my dc on a good friend for 5 days whilst dh and I feck off to Mauritius

67 replies

hmc · 06/02/2012 22:15

Dh qualifies for an all expenses paid 'business trip' (perk) every year which is an invitation for him plus one (i.e me). This year it's 5 days in Mauritius, last year Miami etc etc... I haven't been for 9 years since dd came along (followed by ds 2 days later). We literally have no suitable family to leave them with (2 gps dead, the other 2 in chronic ill health, my sister in Oz etc). Dh moaning bitterly, apparently it is 'embarrassing' that I haven't been for so long 'everyone else's wife is there'. I could ask a good friend to have them for 5 days but quite frankly I feel that is too much of a big ask.....particularly since I will be asking them to have my dc for best part of a weekend in April whilst we attend a wedding, and again for an overnighter in July for dh's 50 birthday. So - I'm I being unreasonable, obstructive / unhelpful / defeatist in not joining dh for these annual jaunts. Perhaps I should investigate cryogenic suspension for the dc?

OP posts:
Original poster
hmc · 06/02/2012 22:16

2 years later - doh!

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BillyBollyBandy · 06/02/2012 22:17

Ask DH if he would be prepared to give up the wedding and overnighter for the hols if you don't want to put upon your friends too much.

Depends on your dc's as well I think. I would happily have some friends dc's for 5 days and others, well, not so much Smile If they get on well and play well, and your friend has offered I would go. Can you return the favour?

KizzyC · 06/02/2012 22:18

bloody hell - impressed by arrival of ds 2 days after dd!
More seriously - I think i'd feel very like you do. Perhaps leave dh at home with dc's while you go to Mauritius?

TheUnsinkableTitanic · 06/02/2012 22:18

can DH sort out the childcare?

rhondajean · 06/02/2012 22:18

YANBU, however, I'd be quite happy to go with him if it makes him feel better.

Pm me! Grin

lifeistooshort · 06/02/2012 22:19

YANBU 5 days is a long time to be without your children especially to be somewhere so far from them. Completely understand and you have to do what you are comfortable with. I know I wouldn't be able to enjoy Mauritius although I love it if it meant leaving my kids 10 hours flight from me

Original poster
hmc · 06/02/2012 22:20

There is that too lifeisshort. Rhondajean ! Grin

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thisisyesterday · 06/02/2012 22:21

at 9 and 7 i would leave them yes, as long as friend doesn't mind.

ramblingmum · 06/02/2012 22:22

Weather I would ask dependes a bit on the friend. Are they good at saying no if it doesn't suit ?

LiegeAndLief · 06/02/2012 22:22

We are the same - there is no one I would ask to have my dc for more than one night (and that would have to be in a pretty dire emergency, not for a jolly). As a consequence we haven't been anywhere by ourselves for the night since ds turned up 5 years ago. I really do feel for you having to turn down such amazing free holidays.

Personally - no, I wouldn't ask that of a friend, especially if they were also having the dc later in the year. But only you are really in a position to decide whether it's too much, as it's your friendship. Think your dh is being a bit (well quite a lot) of an arse though - what does he expect you to do with them? Aren't they his responsibility as well?

rhondajean · 06/02/2012 22:22

Worth a try!! Grin

mynewpassion · 06/02/2012 22:23

Yeah, you might be pushing the boundaries of friendship here. Is there any way you guys can take the younger one and leave the older one so there is less of a burden on your friend?

Original poster
hmc · 06/02/2012 22:25

I think part of problem is that although I would happily reciprocate for friend - they would never actually need to take me up on it (young vital gps on their side who have their dc) - so I would feel i was taking advantage

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mynewpassion · 06/02/2012 22:25

Oops, sorry, so kids are 9 and 7...no can do with taking the younger one then.

seeker · 06/02/2012 22:25

They are 9 and 7. Haven't they got friends they can stay with? It's only 5 days!

And it's mauritus!!!!!

Original poster
hmc · 06/02/2012 22:26

Mynewpassion - dh's employer does not allow children

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seeker · 06/02/2012 22:27

Why on earth would it be a problem- I'd take friend's children in a heartbeat to let them do this!

LiegeAndLief · 06/02/2012 22:27

Incidently we had a similar problem with a child-free wedding a while ago - people just didn't believe that we really had no one to leave the dc with overnight. Dd was only just 2, didn't sleep that well and whilst I would have been happy to leave her with GPs, it was just too much of an imposition even for a good friend. So maybe your dh's friends are equally incredulous. Doesn't make him less of an arse though.

Original poster
hmc · 06/02/2012 22:28

Seeker (this is not a stealth boast) we could go as a family to Mauritius in our own time and at our own expense if we wanted to so it's not like a huge missed opportunity

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ENormaSnob · 06/02/2012 22:29

Depends on the friends IMO.

It is a huge ask but I would do it for a good friend.

LiegeAndLief · 06/02/2012 22:31

Further to last post, then definitely I would not ask the friend.

Oh and Envy Envy Envy

ChaoticAngel · 06/02/2012 22:32

Tell your DH if he wants you to go with him he needs to sort out suitable childcare. Doesn't he have any friends?

BabyDubsEverywhere · 06/02/2012 22:32

Live in nanny....

.....a well trained dog would do if lovely free holiday was on the cards Grin

BillyBollyBandy · 06/02/2012 22:34

If which case you should all go as a family to mauritius and I shall come as a nanny for you

Original poster
hmc · 06/02/2012 22:34

Chaotic - not many (he is too busy working) - agree, love the assumption from him that it's all my problem!

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