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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to foist my dc on a good friend for 5 days whilst dh and I feck off to Mauritius

67 replies

hmc · 06/02/2012 22:15

Dh qualifies for an all expenses paid 'business trip' (perk) every year which is an invitation for him plus one (i.e me). This year it's 5 days in Mauritius, last year Miami etc etc... I haven't been for 9 years since dd came along (followed by ds 2 days later). We literally have no suitable family to leave them with (2 gps dead, the other 2 in chronic ill health, my sister in Oz etc). Dh moaning bitterly, apparently it is 'embarrassing' that I haven't been for so long 'everyone else's wife is there'. I could ask a good friend to have them for 5 days but quite frankly I feel that is too much of a big ask.....particularly since I will be asking them to have my dc for best part of a weekend in April whilst we attend a wedding, and again for an overnighter in July for dh's 50 birthday. So - I'm I being unreasonable, obstructive / unhelpful / defeatist in not joining dh for these annual jaunts. Perhaps I should investigate cryogenic suspension for the dc?

OP posts:

Laquitar · 06/02/2012 22:35

9 and 7 is not bad age and i would happily look after them for a friend.
When you come back you can take your friend's dcs for a day out and treat them.

But i would be a little bit hmmmm that his reasoning is the embarrasment.

Also, how long is the flight, does it worth for 5 days?

Original poster

hmc · 06/02/2012 22:35

billy!

OP posts:

Hoolet · 06/02/2012 22:38

Take the children with you?

arghmyear · 06/02/2012 22:39

Yanbu I wouldn't want to leave dc behind in that scenerio. Embarrassing for h? He needs to toughen up.

It is a massive imposition on friends. I wouldn't ask unless it was an emergency.

Original poster

hmc · 06/02/2012 22:40

Hoolet - children not allowed on this corporate funded jolly

OP posts:

TheSecondComing · 06/02/2012 22:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

megapixels · 06/02/2012 22:42

YANBU. I wouldn't leave my children with friends to go on a jolly. GPs are different, since family is not available I wouldn't go.

ChaoticAngel · 06/02/2012 22:42

Sorry that sounded worse than I meant it, I should have added ...that he can ask... to the end My point about his assumption still stands though

YANBU btw. I do understand why you're reluctant to ask your friends since they're already looking after them for other reasons. Is there anyway you can return the favour other than looking after their DC? It does seem a shame to miss a few days away with your DH if you can make it.

I have to admit I'm with Liege

Ifancyashandy · 06/02/2012 23:03

I don't have kids and if any of my friends found themselves in this situation I would offer to look after the kids immediately. Honestly, I would be upset at them not asking / missing out on the trip.

runningwilde · 06/02/2012 23:08

Pay the friend! Then you won't feel guilty and she gets some money!

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 06/02/2012 23:09

I would/have/am going to for friends :) No problem at all. Friends are the family you choose for yourself. As for not being able to tear yourself away from a 7 & 9 year old for a few days - get a grip people.

Go, have fun, bring them back a bottle of something lovely :) and if you are fairly flush treat them to something really nice later in the year after the wedding/50th etc.

Of course - only if your kids are able to behave themselves - I assumed that was a given!!

BluddyMoFo · 06/02/2012 23:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

notfluffyatall · 06/02/2012 23:17

If the friends really happy to do it you should absolutely go! It's only 5 days and they're not tiny little kids. If they were tiny I'd probably only leave them with family but I have a friend who's like family too so I'd probably make an exception there.

I'd be gone, I'd try to remember to kiss the kids on the way out but I'd be gone!

Seriously though, maybe you could return the favour and give her a break.

Heleninahandcart · 06/02/2012 23:23

I've left DC with a good friend before, and also in later years the same friend came to stay in my house. Paid regular rates, we both benefited from it, her DC and mine found it fun and everyone was happy. If you can afford it why not treat your friend to a weekend away with her DP and offer to have her kids in return?

Tryharder · 06/02/2012 23:45

OP, when you say "kids are not allowed", do you mean that your DH's company does not pay for the kids to travel or that they are not allowed to go, full stop? I can understand the former but cannot see how they can impose the latter.

Presumably the company would pay for flights and accommodation for you both but surely if you wanted to purchase 2 extra seats and upgrade the accommodation in the hotel to include your DCs, how on earth could they stop you???

Once on holiday, you could presumably get childcare within the hotel.

notfluffyatall · 06/02/2012 23:54

Hmm, maybe it's just adults only. Some holidays aren't suitable for kids. That's fair. I'm not sure I'd want someone else's kids there if I was on a group break.

bobbledunk · 07/02/2012 01:37

It depends. I've happily taken other people's kids before but they were always very well behaved, I would never agree to a child I did not like. Does your friend like your kids? Are they polite? Do they respect other people's property?

If they are nice children and she likes them, you could always ask as long as your not going to be pissed if the timing doesn't suit her or she doesn't feel capable of caring for them for so long.

sunnydelight · 07/02/2012 04:21

I guess it depends on how much you want to go really. I would suggest telling your DH to sort it if he really wants it, but he would probably just ask the friends you are hesitating to impose on, they would probably say yes, and he would come back to you with "what were you moaning about, that was easy" which wouldn't really help!!!

My sister used to go on an overseas business trip with her DH once a year (her presence was very much expected) but that was only 2-3 nights. She hired a live in nanny for her three kids when they were younger, with various friends helping (doing the after school activity runs, having odd kids for tea and dropping them back before bed etc.). At 7 and 9 I would think that would be a reasonable option but it totally depends on how comfortable you feel being far away from your children. DH and I were on an internal flight (Oz) last year that developed engine problems, 18yo DS1 was at home looking after his younger siblings. As the plane circled lower and lower towards the ground and I could see the treetops clearly I really thought we were on the first ever Qantas flight to crash and we would be leaving our three children without parents on the other side of the world to any family and we hadn't even made a will. I haven't spent a night away from them since.

CheerfulYank · 07/02/2012 04:29

Depends on how good of friends you are, I suppose. :) My best friend would have DS without a second thought, and I will for her as well (when she has children :)). Another couple and I trade childcare quite often...never for five days, but I don't think it'd be a problem.

BratinghamPalace · 07/02/2012 04:49

New thread in the next few days -

"AIBU to say no to friend who wants me to care for her children when she goes on sun holiday with her husband. We are already minding them for his 50ith and for a wedding in April. I like my friend and I want to help but this is a bit much...." tee hee hee. I would ask the friends - only if you want to go.

flyingspaghettimonster · 07/02/2012 12:38

I couldn't do it... quite apart from the long flghts for just 5 days (fear of flying), I would be terrified of something going wrong. Plane crash, terrorist attack or tsunami... something highly unlikely that could leave my kids orphans with no obvious guardians.

I know it could just as easily happen on a date night at home, but somehow it seems less scary.

See if hubby. Enjoys it, then plan a family vacation.

flibbertywidget · 07/02/2012 12:53

HMC - I did this for my friends last year. My collegue won a trip abroad with DH and I said that I would take her 4 and 2 yr old for 1 week (I have 2 the same age).

I was glad to do it, as I knew she deserved the trip and time abroad and it was fun . All the DC's know each other well and get on well and fortunately my car was big enough for them all!

I do understand how you feel as well as for me, being a long distance away...

hanahsaunt · 07/02/2012 13:19

I would happily take a friends children.

RL friends take note - delighted to look after children! (They make mine so much easier to manage ).

diddl · 07/02/2012 13:36

It´s embarrassing for him??!!

Are you the only ones without a nanny/au pair then??!!

Perhaps one of his colleagues would share childcare?

OP-do you even want to go & leave them?

Malificence · 07/02/2012 14:21

I think it's utterly disgusting that the employer expects people to leave their children behind, some people don't have anyone else to look after them, some simply wouldn't think of leaving them behind on a jolly to the other side of the world.
I also can't think of anything worse than to be forced to socialise with colleagues and their partners on a "holiday", it sounds quite horrific.

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