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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be in tears at Protecting Our Children Tonight?

95 replies

Bingdweller · 06/02/2012 22:10

Just so heartbreaking. So many hopes, so many chances given and the mum just couldn't do it. The social worker (Annie) was amazing and just so devastated by the case. In tears as I write and will think of this and families like these for a long time to come. Am so grateful for my own stable upbringing, happy marriage and two beautiful DC.

OP posts:
ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 06/02/2012 22:56

someday - maybe record it? Very very sad :(

Annie was really brilliant and a total credit to SW's.

somedayillbesaturdaynite · 06/02/2012 23:02

shine, they are on iplayer, and bbc website show other airings of the episodes already shown.

bing, i think it's incredibly sad that the baby can be shown on tv but her siblings have no right to even know her name. her case can directly impact upon my dc's case (eg if xp isn't allowed to see one of his children unsupervised then the same applies to the others) xp had older children who we (dc & myself) have a good relationship with, but none of them are allowed to see her.

DollyTwat · 06/02/2012 23:06

Probably a silly question someday but how do you know that it's her?

somedayillbesaturdaynite · 06/02/2012 23:07

not through me, running. my dc's dad is also the baby's biological father however he isn't the person featured as the mum's current P

lisad123 · 06/02/2012 23:10

How are they related someday? Same mum?
I think they are showing the removal cases because people always assume that sw are baby snatchers who dont work to keep families together.

Birdsgottafly · 06/02/2012 23:10

"I wonder if all three programmes are going to focus on children who should be removed, and if so - why?"

The programme had to gain consent, so it may have been the case that consent was withdrawn.

Most people just want to move on with their lives after involvement. They feel that they cannot share their positive experience for fear of judgement from others, which could then undo what they have worked hard to achieve.

CremeEggThief · 06/02/2012 23:11

Seoladair, I wondered the same thing!
I feel depressed after that, but I thought the social workers tonight were excellent. Elaine and Annie couldn't have done any more to help. I feel for Marva and Shaun too, but they are a danger to themselves and each other and sadly, I think they are too damaged to change. Definitely the best outcome for the beautiful baby and I am glad he appeared to be so healthy and alert.

lisad123 · 06/02/2012 23:12

Someday does he get to see her?

somedayillbesaturdaynite · 06/02/2012 23:15

I am involved in court proceedings with xp. i know her details and anyone involved in her care as they are consulted before recommendations are made to the court for my dc's case.

Selks · 06/02/2012 23:15

Someday, it said on the programme that the baby was a boy....... Hmm

maras2 · 06/02/2012 23:16

Not a dry eye in the Maras house.

lisad123 · 06/02/2012 23:17

I'm confused, why were you in court for your dc? If she's the one with SS involvement.

Selks · 06/02/2012 23:17

Sorry Someday, I thought you were talking about this weeks show. My mistake - apologies Blush

somedayillbesaturdaynite · 06/02/2012 23:19

no lisa, he has chosen not to bother anymore. out of 4 mothers, the only dc he still sees are mine (under supervision). his grown up dc will have nothing to do with him, and another daughter older than my dc he has never persued contact.

DollyTwat · 06/02/2012 23:21

So did you know it was going to be on someday or was it a shock tonight to see the trailer?

eaglewings · 06/02/2012 23:21

Amazing programme, makes me so thankful but also sad for parents who can't get it together to have full time care of their kids. Shows how it is often a result of their own childhood.

lisad123 · 06/02/2012 23:21

Oh now I see sorry Blush
are the kids not allowed sibling or letter box contact?

somedayillbesaturdaynite · 06/02/2012 23:22

i am in court because he still wants access to my dc. he is legally allowed to chose which of his children he requests contact with. i left him because of dv about 9 months before the baby was born.

Kayano · 06/02/2012 23:24

I'm adopted too but my mum kept my (full) sister. I never had any contact (but it was the 80s) and no contact issues

That must be an awful thing to have to deal with! Then to put it on TV! Sad

lisad123 · 06/02/2012 23:26

He sounds like an arse, hope you get what you and ds need. Can't believe his allowed to pick! Madness.
I uses to work for SS, hated cases like the two so far. Parents clearly love their kids and try so hard but it just isn't enough Sad it brings back some sad memories here an sobbed too at the end.

spenditwisely · 06/02/2012 23:26

I wasn't really in tears, I felt a quiet fury that there seems to be little prevention and actual treatment for people like Marva.

I also felt that the adults weren't being listened to - they were being done to. Annie was lovely, but how many times did Marva actually speak to her. It was clear that Annie didnt 'get' her client when she arrived at the foster carer and completely seemed to open up to her. The social services peoples questions all seemed to be leading ones - not open questions, and there never seemed to be time for Marva to talk. There seemed to be lots of putting words into her mouth.

The agreement that she shouldn't see ex dp or she would lose the baby was almost arbitrary and there were mixed messages about this too - Annie kept sending messages between them as though there was some kind of relationship going on. It was almost setting her up for failure to make it a one strike deal. She has been an alcoholic most of her life - she needed help with that but was expected to just 'stay off the drink' - 'be strong'.

And then there was the boyfriend - a complete headcase, who was told to stay off the drink. You can't tell someone like that to 'be strong'. He needed as much help as she did, he was self-harming, had his own history of abuse, it was tragic that he was so needy yet was expected to just change his behaviour.

The only good thing I could see out of this painful case was that Marva's baby will be brought up in a healthy environment and this will stop the cycle of dysfunction passing down to the next generation. But it was so sad to see the adults, neglected, abused and vulnerable, being thrown on the scrap heap.

I think the foster carer was brilliant though and deserved a medal for enabling Marva to relish the time that she was able to have with her baby.

GlitterySkulls · 06/02/2012 23:31

it's just started 10 mins ago here- missed it last week.

the boyfriend is clearly a knob- i saw that immediately.

somedayillbesaturdaynite · 06/02/2012 23:32

sorry lisa, i have had several years months of getting my head around it all and i forget how confusing it is. contact could only be granted if the person with parental responsibility for the baby offers/was open to it, and it doesn't look likely anytime in the forseeable. my dc will know i tried for them, encouraging their relationship with their older half-siblings will hopefully demonstrate that to them. it's none of the dc's fault who their father is and i don't want to add to their 'loss' by denying them their siblings too. at least they will have others who understand exactly how they feel.

lisad123 · 06/02/2012 23:34

Spend, the thing is the sw they followed was the child's sw NOT the adults. They would have had their own sw and mh worker but at the beginning we were told they hadn't engaged with those services. Marva seemed very out of it and have few answers to questions, one point was look pulling teeth!
I can assure you that adult care services would have tried but often if adults don't want the hell, there is little you can do.

lisad123 · 06/02/2012 23:35

And as for passing messages, I think they needs to know each other were ok, and maybe she thought this would hopefully keep them apart.

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