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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I over-reacting to DH forgetting to pick up DD?

61 replies

marykat2004 · 06/02/2012 18:23

How often do you forget to pick your children up? Is it normal to forget?

This happened once a year ago. It took nearly a year for me to trust him with picking her up and now, today, he has again slept through pick up time. Again.

I have told him that is it, he is excused from all pick ups for the rest of her schooling (DD is 7).

Am I overreacting? He seems to think so.

OP posts:
Gumby · 06/02/2012 18:25

What a twat

Did he do it on purpose - now he's got his wish. Never doing it again

ABigGirlDoneItAndRanAway · 06/02/2012 18:25

What is his reason for sleeping through, if he is working nights that is more forgivable than just being a lazy sod.

NoWayNoHow · 06/02/2012 18:25

So, basically, the only two times you've asked your DH to pick up his daughter, he's forgotten?? Shock

YANBU, and you are not over-reacting. What has happened on these two occasions to your DD? Who is looking after her? Have the school had to contact him or you?

doblet · 06/02/2012 18:26

YANBU, imagine how your DD felt when there was nobody there to get her. I can't understand why your DH thinks this is ok

Bluebell99 · 06/02/2012 18:27

I have never forgotten to pick up my children. Have a scatty disorganised friend who has on several occasions been caught up doing something else and has missed pick up. I don't think you are overreacting but maybe cutting your nose off to spite your face. I would be furious with him though!

ShagOBite · 06/02/2012 18:27

No YANBU. Awful man. Why was he asleep?

Original poster
marykat2004 · 06/02/2012 18:27

He has health problems. He sleeps in the afternoon.

After the incident a year ago, I pretty much excused him. He rarely did any picking up the rest of the year.

New year, new start. He started doing pick ups over the last few weeks. Things had been going well.

School had to call me today. I was not very near and freaked out that DH had had a heart attack or something. But it turns out he was just sleeping.

OP posts:
emsyj · 06/02/2012 18:27

I once forgot to pick up DD from the childminder - it had always been DH's job, then I gave up my job with commute to work from home and it became mine - and I totally forgot about it one day during the first week that I was at home. DH walked in and said, 'where's the baby?' and I said (yes, you guessed it) 'what baby?' Blush Blush Blush

But she was at the childminder's house, indoors, in the warm, safe and quite happy. So not like coming out of school and waiting at the gates. Still bad though... Blush

Original poster
marykat2004 · 06/02/2012 18:29

The school keeps them if they don't get picked up. The first time there was another boy whose parents had forgotten him. Today it was just DD. Primary school won't turn them out in the street! But it must be awful sitting outside the headteacher's office.

OP posts:
calendula · 06/02/2012 18:30

A slipup once a year...
Are you perfect?

I reckon I have forgotten to pick up DS from after school club a least a couple of times in the past year. Sometimes I forget I have the car & therefore am doing the picking up because I usually cycle.

By not letting DH pick up DD ever again you are punishing yourself more than him.

Better to let DH take DD out for a cup of hot chocolate to say sorry for forgetting to pick her up. Let him sort it out and make sure it's his turn to pick up again soon.

JustHecate · 06/02/2012 18:32

Well, he hadn't forgotten as such, had he? He was asleep. Which is a bit different from sitting there watching tv. Had he been awake, would he have remembered?

So the issue is him being asleep?

Can't he set an alarm? two. three. four if needs be.

If he has health problems and needs to sleep, fair enough. But he can take responsibility for ensuring that he is awake again in good time.

DizzyDizzyDinosaur · 06/02/2012 18:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
marykat2004 · 06/02/2012 18:34

He has an alarm clock. I don't know what happened to it today. Yes he was asleep, not watching telly.

thank you for different angles. That is what is this site is for isn't it?

OP posts:
seeker · 06/02/2012 18:34

I have been doing school pick ups for 11 years. I have missed because I was asleep (pregnant) and I have a couple of times got the time wrong because of clubs and stuff. I have also a couple of times forgotten to pick up someone else's child- once I had to go back for me, once a teacher chased me down th road. She wouldn' have been left waiting at the gate- she'd be waiting in the office. He's got health problems. Give him a break.

Original poster
marykat2004 · 06/02/2012 18:34

(p.s. I'm not perfect but I never forget to pick up my kid from school)

OP posts:
DizzyDizzyDinosaur · 06/02/2012 18:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ComposHat · 06/02/2012 18:36

Once in a year...pretty good going as far as I am concerned, especially if he has health problems.

cricketballs · 06/02/2012 18:36

I had a phone call once from ds's nursery to ask if I was picking him up as they wanted to close for the evening Blush.

In my defence though I was working nights (constantly), and slept through the alarm; it was also winter, dark and therefore no natural light to remind me to get up!

JustHecate · 06/02/2012 18:37

perhaps if you were asleep you would Grin

He just needs to take responsibility for ensuring that he wakes up. That means setting a couple of alarms. Maybe setting his mobile too.

aldiwhore · 06/02/2012 18:38

I have to set an alarm on my phone to remind me to pick my children up (one alarm at 11.35, one at 3.15) and I do the school run every day.

I would not stop him doing the pick up, but I would bloody demand that he sets an alarm.

I'm not a bastard, a shit mum, useless, unreliable or basically a knobend, and my husband shouldn't leave me over it.

I've both overslept AND forgot. [awaits flogging]

JustHecate · 06/02/2012 18:40

I've never done either [better than all of you emoticon]

MandyT68 · 06/02/2012 18:42

My husband did this once by being totally forgetful and we "fined" him a bar of chocolate for each child. The children got into reminding him each time as they felt they wanted to be left and get paid for the discomfort. It hasn't happened since and has become a huge family joke.

aldiwhore · 06/02/2012 18:42

justhecate you cow... [can't win emoticon]

heroutdoors · 06/02/2012 18:56

marykat
It sounds you worry about both of them.
Could you ring him ( alarmcall ) to remind him about pick-up time?
Or would it freak you out if he did not answer the phone?

BackforGood · 06/02/2012 18:57

IMO you are over reacting. It's happened once this year, and once last year. Surely all you need to do is discuss how you can set the daily alarm on mobile phone maybe ? Or some other way of making sure there's a plan if he falls asleep.
I've forgotten to pick up a child from things on more than one occasion (usually if out of routine for a club or something, as someone else said), and, as both a teacher and a volunteer, I've come across loads of situations over the years where a child has been left behind. Usually the parent rushes up all embarrassed and it's not an issue (emphasises - as long as it's not a regular occurance).
Have you genuinely never forgotten something ?
Not that he forgot, he fell asleep, from what you say.