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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I over-reacting to DH forgetting to pick up DD?

61 replies

marykat2004 · 06/02/2012 18:23

How often do you forget to pick your children up? Is it normal to forget?

This happened once a year ago. It took nearly a year for me to trust him with picking her up and now, today, he has again slept through pick up time. Again.

I have told him that is it, he is excused from all pick ups for the rest of her schooling (DD is 7).

Am I overreacting? He seems to think so.

OP posts:

eaglewings · 06/02/2012 19:02

I sleep in the afternoons and if DH needs me topics up kids he will phone to remind me. He wouldn't stop me doing pick up in future if I slept through.

Greythorne · 06/02/2012 19:08

But your 'punishment' reinforces his lack of responsibility for pick ups. Excusing him means he never needs think about it again.

In your position, I would buy two new, loud alarm clocks and delegate this to him full time.

redwineformethanks · 06/02/2012 19:08

He's a grown man. If it was his job to collect her, he should have done that. Up to him to set alarms to wake him up. I think you should let him take responsibility for that. No need for you to be calling to remind him

I think it's OTT to say you don't trust him to do school run ever again. I do think that's overreacting.

redwineformethanks · 06/02/2012 19:10

cross post with Eagle wings - if it's regular task, I think you should leave him to get on with it. Perhaps fair enough to call to remind him if it's not his regular task

Charlotteperkins · 06/02/2012 19:11

If it's a health/disability issue then I think you ate being a bit harsh.

Pagwatch · 06/02/2012 19:13

You are over reacting.

Pancakeflipper · 06/02/2012 19:14

My DS1 was

SauvignonBlanche · 06/02/2012 19:15

YABU, DH has done this a couple of times but no more than once a year.

lifesalongsong · 06/02/2012 19:16

I'm surprised to hear that people think this is OK. I've never forgotten a pick up or slept through one and if I was ill and had any doubt that I might not wake up I wouldn't agree to do it.

Without knowing the details of your husband's illness I don't think you're unreasonable at all. If your husband wants to be trusted he needs to make sure he's in a position to be. If he sleeps every afternoon he should know what it takes to wake him up reliably.

cheekyseamonkey · 06/02/2012 19:17

Cant' he set an alarm? Is it like washing up badly? Hoping he won't be asked to do it again?

My Dad forgot me once, in the snow. I was 13 and have still never forgiven him, it was for an orthodontist appointment and I had to wait for ages near where all the sexy lads were playing rugby, wondering why I was still there after 45 mins. No bloody Blackberrys for 13 year olds then, I'll tell you!

everlong · 06/02/2012 19:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

molly3478 · 06/02/2012 19:24

I work in a nursery and this happens from both mums and dads quite frequently

DodieSmith · 06/02/2012 19:28

Over reacting

OlympicEater · 06/02/2012 19:29

Forgetting because he was in the pub / bookies etc - not excusable.

Asleep because he has health issues - different matter.

Agree though that absolving him of responsibility is punishing you.

I haven't ever forgotten, yet.

But I have been late due to traffic, because I was faffing round trying to do one more thing before setting off, and as I work nights and then sleep the next day I do worry about sleeping through the alarm - however I set several alarms to make sure I do wake up.

AnnieLobeseder · 06/02/2012 19:32

Well, if you don't treat your partner like a competent responsible adult, he won't act like one. How would you feel if he didn't trust you to look after your own child? Pretty darned insulted and patronised, I'd bet.

Nagoo · 06/02/2012 19:32

Sorry if I missed this point... BUt why did the school phone you? Can you not get them to phone him?

If you stop him from doing the pick up, then he is the winner. I'd love it if I never had to have pick up responsibility ever again.

TalkinPeace2 · 06/02/2012 19:36

surely the answer is to make picking her up part of his regular routine once a week or a fortnight so that you CAN rely on him when you need it.

I've only once 'forgotten'
but many times been stuck in traffic and just had to tell school to get them to read till I arrived.
now they have their own door keys but I always try to be home

SecretMinceRinser · 06/02/2012 19:40

I think the health issues are a red herring. He is clearly capable of waking and collecting his dd as he has done it - he is also, seemingly, keen to continue doing it.
It's also not really accurate to say he's missed pick up twice in a year as he missed it once and it was nearly a year until the op trusted him to do pick ups again. So it's twice in, maybe, a handful of times - which is a lot imo.
If he can't be trusted t do the pick ups then you will have to make other arrangements - not to punish him but just so your dd gets picked up. So YANBU imo.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 06/02/2012 19:42

I have splinters

He's not well - you need to cut him some slack v can the man not set an alarm clock?

I wouldn't stop him doing pick ups (I don't do cutting off my nose to spite my face), but I would be making sure he knew I was pretty pissed off and that he needs to sort himself out re a reliable alarm!

marriedinwhite · 06/02/2012 19:59

Why is he ill - is it excusable.

FWIW between the ages of 3 and 17 I have once almost not picked up ds from nursery because after three sleepless nights with the baby I closed my eyes at 10am and so did the baby having turned the corner from a nasty virus. I woke up five minutes before pick-up shoved a sleeping baby in the pram and ran all the way - and then all the way back with ds and a hungry screaming baby. And once I left a friend behind having forgotten I was doing the mum a favour.

TheParanoidAndroid · 06/02/2012 20:20

I've done it every bloody time they have a half day. Every one

ReduceRecycleRegift · 06/02/2012 20:22

he must feel AWFUL already! I did the one time I NEARLY forgot to pick up DS (ill and fell asleep) and turned to my partner to reassure me and make me feel better, so YABU

mumeeee · 06/02/2012 20:30

You ads over reacting. He had health problems and overslept. He did not do it on purpose. I've done the same thing in the past.

Fecklessdizzy · 06/02/2012 20:37

Sheesh. Lightweights, the lot of yez.

I've forgotten to pick up my kids and their cousins more times than I can remember and sent them to school when it was shut!

Get a huge alarm clock and another as a back up, it's really not the end of the world.

cestlavielife · 06/02/2012 20:42

I thin you overreacting but there are many other issues aren't there I recall Your other posts.... You say things had been going well and this is once really. Give him a chance , if he has apologised and put plans in place so it won't happen again....

What does he say? What about alarms etc ?
Is there another mum or dad who could keep an eye out too and maybe drop her home?
How far is home from school is it walk or car ?

You have to give him a chance I think

You posted before about issues.... Maybe discuss this incident with third party who knows all the background like gp or family therapist and agree a plan together with h and dd ?

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