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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

"14 year olds should remove all pubic hair" **MNHQ adding quote marks as per request**

289 replies

TowelRailing · 22/05/2023 22:32

My daughter reckons this is what all teenagers do. If you agree, please vote YANBU. If you disagree, please vote YABU.

OP posts:
Zodfa · 23/05/2023 09:38

People asking "why do we need to talk about this?" - because if 14-year-old girls don't get input on this from intelligent adults they will end up with views formed entirely based on the opinions of pervy 14-year-old boys.

This doesn't mean we should all go out and start asking 14-year-olds whether they shave or not. It does mean that this may be an appropriate conversation for mothers to have with their daughters.

Summerfun2023 · 23/05/2023 09:38

I blame TOWIE and Love Island the youngsters watch them and want to be just like them. Young teenagers are having spray tans and copying what they are wearing. They see how cleanly shaved they are and how pristine they look and they are their idols. It's the culture of today.

Wife2b · 23/05/2023 09:39

Why are women not being allowed to make their own decisions? Why is there a judgement if they choose to shave but not if they choose to leave it. It’s a personal decision FFS, nothing sad or depressing about it.

MrsSkylerWhite · 23/05/2023 09:39

Good god, no.

sheldonia · 23/05/2023 09:41

Merseymum992 · 23/05/2023 08:02

I don't think it's any of our business. Why would we try and tell them what to do with their genitals? And why do you care?!

You don't care that your teenagers are being brainwashed into pornified beauty standards?

And you don't care what your teenagers are doing with their genitals in general? You're not telling a 14 year old what they should and shouldn't be doing with them?
Epic parenting fail.

Summerfun2023 · 23/05/2023 09:41

Us old folk will never understand the youngsters of today. We might as well take up knitting and pottery.

Groutyonehereagain · 23/05/2023 09:41

It’s a dreadful state of affairs when females are driven to look like children. I blame porn.

sheldonia · 23/05/2023 09:42

Fedupwife28 · 23/05/2023 09:34

It’s a personal choice. I’m in my mid 20s and all my friends and myself remove pretty much all our body hair by choice. It’s also a generational thing I think, as to what is the norm and what people want to do. That being said, it really doesn’t matter. It grows back, it doesn’t suggest you want to be a porn star and it’s not wrong to remove it, nor is it wrong to keep it.
We should support girls to become independent women who make their own choices and not judge them for things we don’t understand!

So ridiculously naive, and completely wrong, to imagine its just a personal choice.

KateTheEighth · 23/05/2023 09:42

SongsForHappyDays · 23/05/2023 09:17

@HopeMumsnet It’s not just about whether the OP is genuine, it’s about who this thread will ‘appeal’ to. It’s disappointing that mumsnet don’t seem concerned about that. You know you have issues with pervs on your site.

I agree

It's not always about troll v non troll though is it?

It's about clickbait titles and attracting herberts to the yard

Phos · 23/05/2023 09:42

I don't see the problem. I shave mine because I prefer it, stands to reason it's the same for others. It's fuck all to do with misogyny, boys do it as well.

OrlandointheWilderness · 23/05/2023 09:43

AliceinSlumberland · 23/05/2023 08:33

I always think it’s funny that people believe women should be able to make decisions and have autonomy over their own body, until that choice disagrees with what certain people think is right. At that point, women can’t possibly make a choice about their own body and it MUST be the influence of porn etc.

I’ve shaved since fairly young and it’s nothing to do with men or the influence of porn, it’s my preference. Just as other people’s preference might be to leave it natural. Except seemingly only my preference is ‘wrong’ and ‘sad’.

This by the bucketload! I have always shaved everything off, I hate the feeling of hair and I continued to do it even when single for 8 years. It is fuck all to do with men and porn. It is MY body and I'll do what I damn well please with it, as my daughter will with hers with my support.

And I am a 39 year old woman with big boobs, ass and a genital piercing. I look Fuck all like a prepubescent child.

warblingwater · 23/05/2023 09:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Indeed. What a way to word a thread title ffs!

Magazinenotliving · 23/05/2023 09:49

nosyupnorth · 23/05/2023 07:59

Treating this seriously, it's obvious not a question of should, everyone should be free to make their own choices while be aware that hair removal carries risks that remaining natural doesn't, but this is a fairly normal impulse amoung young adolescents - their body is doing something they're not used to and they want to return it to the way it was before.

It’s not a normal impulse amongst adolescents. I am 50 and it never crossed my
mind as a teenager. It just wasn’t a thing. It’s another bullshit cultural trend aimed at female bodies, just so that we know all our energy and importance is in how we look, not what we do or what our characters are.

Merseymum992 · 23/05/2023 09:51

sheldonia · 23/05/2023 09:41

You don't care that your teenagers are being brainwashed into pornified beauty standards?

And you don't care what your teenagers are doing with their genitals in general? You're not telling a 14 year old what they should and shouldn't be doing with them?
Epic parenting fail.

Show quote history

My children aren't at this stage yet but when they are, what they do to their OWN pubic hair is absolutely zero to do with me. The fact that you want to control this is extremely odd.
If you try to prevent your child from doing things like this they sure as hell will not go to you for advice about normal teenage issues and will likely do things behind your back.

Megifer · 23/05/2023 09:51

I'd be really concerned for the girl if I heard of one shaving their pubes off at that age tbh.

Goodread1 · 23/05/2023 09:52

@Summerfun2023

L.o.l 🤣

"us old folks will never understand the youngsters of today"

"we might aswell take up knitting and pottery"

👏👏👏

Misunderstoodagain · 23/05/2023 09:52

It's sad that young teenagers don't have the confidence to do what they want and feel comfortable with.
I am thankful I have a boy but the only thing I would say that I would want my daughter to be able to tell me if this is something she wanted to do so I could recommend anything other than shaving etc. I have scars down there from bad shaving techniques 😮
I ended getting all my lasered off as I got lots of ingrown hairs etc that I had to have hospital admissions for to treat. So waxing/ creams or laser.

RudsyFarmer · 23/05/2023 09:54

I’d like to know why they are removing it all. If it’s for themselves I don’t mind. If it’s to please others I do. But at the end of the day a fourteen year old is entitled to go into the privacy of their bathroom and remove their pubic hair if they wish and it has nothing to do with me or you.

DejaVoodoo · 23/05/2023 09:54

sheldonia · 23/05/2023 09:41

You don't care that your teenagers are being brainwashed into pornified beauty standards?

And you don't care what your teenagers are doing with their genitals in general? You're not telling a 14 year old what they should and shouldn't be doing with them?
Epic parenting fail.

Show quote history

Seriously? You think that parents ought to be privy to and care about what their daughters do with their own bodies; and that they ought to TELL their daughters what they should and shouldn't do with their own genitals?

The epic parenting fail is yours.

IfIKnowMe · 23/05/2023 09:54

So mumsnet are literally welcoming the pervs in now then? Just cos the OP may be genuine, doesn’t mean the thread should stay. Are mumsnet that desperate for traffic now?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 23/05/2023 09:55

HRTQueen · 23/05/2023 08:34

It’s very sad that porn has had such an influence and yes it is porn and for some to so easily dismiss this

I am well aware that in some cultures public hair is fully removed. I used to work as a beauty therapist only one customer ever asked for this (she was an escort and it was a request from a regular client) we were shocked and she had to find someone else to fully remove all her public hair I know this wasn’t easy for her to find as I did the rest of her beauty treatments. . It was just never asked for (this was 25 years ago landing strips were sometimes asked for again influenced by porn but it was the start of internet porn that really changed things, it’s total nonsense that porn hasn’t influenced society particularly young women and girls in our society and how we view our bodies and of course I recognise I would have been influenced too if I was growing up in these generations

I'm surprised that this was such an 'oddity'; it's called 'high bikini' in the salon I go to and it's very popular.

For myself, I prefer this. I know it has strong connections with the porn industry but, what doesn't? 'fuck me' shoes 'loved' by many women? Pole dancing for 'fitness'? Lip botox for bubble lips? Come on! Hair removal is just alongside all of those things but the results are not public, not visible to all and sundry.

I don't know why hair removal gets touted so often when there are so many other things equally 'as bad' or even worse?

It is a choice of sorts. And, if it's not then blame girls at school because that's where it starts... 'Ew, hairy legs'. I was lucky to be blonde and have fine hair but my dark-haired friend was relentlessly picked on - by girls. Porn it may be but that is so deeply embedded that I don't think it will ever be eradicated.

CoalCraft · 23/05/2023 09:58

Why is shaving pubic hair considered "desperately sad" and "surely the influence of porn", but shaving underarm hair is generally accepted? Do all of you who decry it also have hairy armpits? If so, fair enough, if not, you're a hypocrite.

I've shaved my underarm hair since I was 12 and my pubic hair since I was 16, despite having never seen porn. I just disliked the look/feel of that kind of hair and I still do. My husband has assured me he doesn't care either way, but I still prefer to do it. He shaves his pubes too, by the way, because he gets itchy/sweaty otherwise.

SmileyClare · 23/05/2023 09:59

Maybe op felt we “should all talk about” pressures on young women in an increasingly sexualised world.

However op didn’t engage in any sort of conversation or put forward their own opinion.
Just asked the inane question: Should 14 year old girls remove all pubic hair?

This is the third thread I’ve seen in a week asking about pubescent girls pubic hair in here. Hmm

ShoveItOnAWrap · 23/05/2023 10:00

This was the ‘standard’ when I was 14 (ten years ago) and having pubic hair was seen as something gross to be made fun of. There‘a been a huge movement on things like TikTok since then thought encouraging girls not to conform to things like this so I’m pretty sure it’s a dying trend.

Megifer · 23/05/2023 10:02

Are we actually comparing an armpit to a vulva?

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