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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to spend Mother's day with my own family unit?

72 replies

CowboysGal · 04/02/2012 12:07

DH has told me that SIL would like to book a meal for MIL,FIL, Granparents and our family this year for Mother's day. She needs to know as soon as possible if we want to do this so she can book a table.
I can't decide what to do. Have had a few 'issues' over the past couple of years, mostly with MIL. As a result I don't feel as close to the in-laws as I once did. In previous years DH has visited his mum and Grandma on Mother's day for an hour or so but this year SIL has moved back to her hometown and is pushing for a big family meal. It'll cost us a fortune (although being honest that isn't my main reason for being reluctant to go) as we have a big family and I wouldn't dream of letting MIL/Grandparents pay.
Aside from the fact that my own DM may feel a little bit :( about getting a card, hours visit and gift while MIL gets treated to a meal out, I'd much rather spend Mother's day having a meal with my DH and our children.
I am sometimes a bit U when it comes to the in laws so am asking MNetters how you spend Mother's day and whether you see it as your day to enjoy with your DC or do you consider it to be Mothers day, a day to celebrate all mothers?

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 04/02/2012 12:13

It's MY day. I gave birth to my youngest on mothers day, at home, with my dc. My mum died few years back

No way would I be buying in to all the commercial nonsense!

c0rnsilllkrunninglikealaydee · 04/02/2012 12:14

let dh go - you stay home with the dc's
why don't you like her?

lesley33 · 04/02/2012 12:17

I spent it with my mother when I was alive - took DCs. If you are not visiting your mum tbh I would grit my teeth and go to the meal if your DH wants to go.

Fireandashes · 04/02/2012 12:18

In that scenario I'd spend the day with my mum and the dcs, and DH can decide if he'd like to join us, spend it with his own mum or go fishing/insert hobby of choice on his own.

suburbandream · 04/02/2012 12:18

We don't buy into all the commercial nonsense to be honest. The DCs usually make me cards by hand with DH's help and maybe a box of chocs if I'm lucky. I don't really get the idea that you have to celebrate all mothers including every auntie, grannie etc etc in the family. Can you make an excuse that the DCs really want to take you out wherever as a treat so you don't have to go? Plus, the fact that you want to spend time with your own mum is important.

lazymonkeyface · 04/02/2012 12:18

This is my first mothers day this year. We'll be seeing DH's mom for a couple of hours, then it's just going to be the three of us

LineRunner · 04/02/2012 12:18

My DCs make me or buy me a card, give me a very small present like a box of After Eights and make me a cup of tea.

That's it. And that's all I want. I'm another one who hates the modern palaver designed to part us from our time, money and sanity.

Original poster
CowboysGal · 04/02/2012 12:19

cornsilk It isn't that I dislike her, she just has this habit of stamping her feet every now and then and causing a whole heap of trouble if she isn't getting enough attention when things don't go her way. There would be untold amounts of drama if DH went to visit without the children.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 04/02/2012 12:19

Mothers day is just another day.

EightiesChick · 04/02/2012 12:21

cornsilk maybe on any other day, but seems a bit miserable to send your own DC off elsewhere while you sit on your own on Mother's Day, surely?

The answer is for me that it varies. Since having my own DC I have more often spent it not at my mum's or with MIL. I suspect that like Christmas, quite a few people alternate from 1 year to another.

What about suggesting that you come over and go out on the Saturday, then you can spend the actual day with your own DC locally? Also, how about taking your own mum (and dad) along? We have done a big meal with both sides of the family before now and that's worked well.

upahill · 04/02/2012 12:22

Mothers day is no big deal for me tbh.
Sure it's lovely to get a present of the DS's but that's it back to a normal day.

DH used to push it more and want to make a big fuss but he is the kind of guy that anything is an excuse for a meal out or to have a bit of fun (Not complaining!!)

mumeeee · 04/02/2012 12:23

Talk to your mother about it. Would it be possible for your parents to join in with the meal?

Fireandashes · 04/02/2012 12:29

See, I don't agree with pandering to someone because they'll throw a hissy fit if you don't. All that does is teach them that they can continue to get their own way if they continue to act like a drama queen.

The first time you do something different, break the family "rules" is always hardest, but if you do it now then you avoid the expectation that every Mothers' Day MIL gets a big meal with all the gcs etc to the exclusion of your mum. No reason why it can't happen another time/year.

ChaoticAngel · 04/02/2012 12:31

I thought cornsilk meant that the OP stay at home with the DC while DH went to visit his own mother.

OP If you want to spend the day with your DC then do so. DH could visit his DM for an hour/for the meal, if he really wants to go.

BigBoobiedBertha · 04/02/2012 12:38

I'd do it just this once because your SIL is back in the area and it hasn't been something that has been possible before but I would make it clear that next year I got to do what I want. Maybe try and get back on better terms because it makes life so much easier if you get on with your PIL.

It isn't a big deal here. It used to be when my PIL lived closer because they celebrate it as the original church related celebration and it meant something to them so we used to make an effort to go out for lunch. We can't see them for the day any more so it isn't an issue. I will probably see my mother for half an hour and send both mothers flowers but apart from that it is a normal day.

Shiregirl · 04/02/2012 12:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MollyBroom · 04/02/2012 12:48

Your MIL is also a mother who understandably wants to see her children. I don't understand why you can't do something together.

LeQueen · 04/02/2012 12:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MateyMooo · 04/02/2012 13:49

we tend to go out as a family on a weekend and that includes MIL. it is traditional for all us Mums in the family to make an effort to attend that day, (other weekends its whoever is around goes out for lunch, with no problems if someone doesnt want to/cant go)

we wouldnt expect to exchange gifts but i'd be very sad if my dd didnt mark the occasion in some way (usually a homemade card that makes me cry!)

we would buy both of our mothers cards (send one, hand deliver one, but thats due to being 300 miles appart more than anything else)

special hugs and kisses from dd - sums up my mothers day requirement - everything else is just stuff

BackforGood · 04/02/2012 13:55

Mother's Day is the last day - well, along with Valentines Day - I'd go out for a meal in a restaurant. Overcrowded, rushed, and not at all special.
My dc make me a card (and now their older) get me some chocs, but, apart from a card and chos we never made a big 'thing' of spending time at my Mum's when she was alive nor with dh's Mum now - it's just another day. It's how you care for each other throughout the year that counts.

maytheoddsbeeverinyourfavour · 04/02/2012 13:56

Mothers day for me is lovely, left to my own devices I probably wouldn't bother much, but I have 6dc and as they have got older they love to spoil me Grin

We don't do anything flashy, last year we went to the zoo and had a cream tea, I think my dc would be upset if we didn't spend the day as a family doing something nice for me, it's really important to them even though I'd be quite happy with just a card. When they are older with their own families I certainly won't be expecting them to drop everything and spend the day with me

ithaka · 04/02/2012 13:57

I see it as my mother's day, and me and my sister always take her out for afternoon tea.

My husband sends his mum a bunch of flowers.

The children/husband buy me bits and pieces, but we don't go out, as I am taking my mum out. My husband is usually lovely to me and makes me cups of tea and suchlike ayway, so not such a big deal for me.

squeakytoy · 04/02/2012 13:59

You spend it with your mum, and he can spend it with his.

ivykaty44 · 04/02/2012 14:04

I spent it with my mother when I was alive

humm I don't think that is what you meant to write - is it? lesley33

ChasTittyBeltUp · 04/02/2012 14:05

YANBU. Say no.