To want to spend Mother's day with my own family unit?

[CowboysGal]

DH has told me that SIL would like to book a meal for MIL,FIL, Granparents and our family this year for Mother's day. She needs to know as soon as possible if we want to do this so she can book a table.
I can't decide what to do. Have had a few 'issues' over the past couple of years, mostly with MIL. As a result I don't feel as close to the in-laws as I once did. In previous years DH has visited his mum and Grandma on Mother's day for an hour or so but this year SIL has moved back to her hometown and is pushing for a big family meal. It'll cost us a fortune (although being honest that isn't my main reason for being reluctant to go) as we have a big family and I wouldn't dream of letting MIL/Grandparents pay.
Aside from the fact that my own DM may feel a little bit :( about getting a card, hours visit and gift while MIL gets treated to a meal out, I'd much rather spend Mother's day having a meal with my DH and our children.
I am sometimes a bit U when it comes to the in laws so am asking MNetters how you spend Mother's day and whether you see it as your day to enjoy with your DC or do you consider it to be Mothers day, a day to celebrate all mothers?

or invite your mum along to the meal too?

I have had my perfect mothers day for the last 6 years and intend to carry it on... In the morning the DCs bring me breakfast, presents etc. Then they head over to Nannys with DH for the day while I go out for lunch with my mum, then I come home in the afternoon, to my house on my own and get a few hours of peace by myself. Perfect

Go on the Sunday before or the Sunday after. Much quieter.

casualty that sounds perfect!

i would go OP, sometimes we have to compromise and i'm sure your DH loves his mum and wants to spend some time with her on mother's day. of course that's not to say turn it into a tradition. next year, make sure you do what you want to do with your kids. you are a mother too, and your kids are young and still "in the nest" so no doubt you're probably working your ass off raising them, you deserve a nice day.

i would also offer to take your mum for lunch/dinner the week before or after mother's day, it's only fair.

looking into the future, when i'm a grandmother, i would still want my children to spend some time with me around mother's day, buy me a gift/card, or take me for a meal etc... it's nice to be appreciated even when you've raised your kids. of course i would understand plans would change on a yearly basis due to them having families of their own, but you don't stop being someone's mother just because they move out!

If we had our DM's here (they're dead) - DH and I would spend the day with them both. That's what family's all about.

It really is just another day - and a really bad day to go out for a meal! I am sure people hoik the prices up!

Having said that I think what I would do would be to think about what causes the least upset and grit your teeth - making it very clear that NO precedent has been set. But then I am a bit of a doormat sometimes when it comes to these things.....

Makes me glad my DM doesn;t give a hoot and thinks its all tosh - I love her the same whatever day it is and whilst I do give her a card and some flowers, I could do that any day. My exH's Mum on the other hand was a pain in the backside and, since exH was pretty feckless, the task of organising stuff and not forgetting fell to me - and woe betide if I got it wrong.....thankfully that is all over now and DP's Mum is like mine - hooray!

Well I've spoken to DH who doesn't mind what we do, so I've said what I'd rather do. Suppose it just depends now how much fuss SIL and/or MIL make in the meantime.

"Mothers day is meant to be the ONE day of the year when MUM a little timeto enjoy herself rather than pleasing others, such is the selfless nature of mothers."

That's what my church going Granny taught me, and what my non-English Dad then stuck to. Breakfast in bed, made by us kids with Dad's supervison followed by whatever the hell my Mum wanted to do that say (yes I prayed she wouldn't say cliff diving!) There was the odd year she kicked us all out and spent HER day curled up with a good book till Dad brought us home.

Granny said she'd "had her turn" when raising her own brood so got card/flowers sent. My Mum repeated Gran's words to my son a couple of years ago when he asked.

I like this interpretation of the tradition cos the daily grind of raising a family is hard, it's nice to have just one afternoon or whatever when you put yourself first, after for most of us it's the only chance we get till the lil darlings leave home ; )

I've now realised Granny was wiser than I thought as we avoid all this IL nonsense in our extended family or it becomes like Xmas where we run ourselves ragged.

There is no eat I'd spend it with MIL instead of my own mother. Why would I? I'd see my dc in the morning, do something with my mum pm, and let DH do what he feels he should.

I don't get why seeing every mother in the world (extended family) has to be squeezed into the same day ! It's Ridiculous !

It's MOTHERING Sunday not keep the stroppy & unreasonable in-laws happy day!

Your SIL can do what she likes with HER mother and the DH can go if he wants. The children should be with THEIR mother not their grandma, and you can get your mother over too.

Don't be brow-beaten into it,especially if it's going to cost an arm and a leg.

I think MIL has to appreciate that it is now your turn to have a mothers day when your kids spoil you as you are a mother of young kids and she isn't. As it's a Sunday we are usually out doing something sporting anyway, I may or may not see my kids depending on arrangements with my ex, my mum is dead, my MIL is not my mother, I would never stop my husband visiting her if he wished. Extended family meals would generally be arranged on a different weekend. SIL can have a meal out with her mum if she wishes but she isn't a mum herself so maybe doesn't think of it from your point of view.
We never went granny visiting on mothers day when I was young, it was about spoiling our mum (usually in a fairly superficial give her a card and make a cup of tea then revert to screaming at each other sort of way)

Bahookie made the same suggestion I thought of - why not ask your mum along to this meal too - or even make it a shared lunch/afternoon tea at your SIL's house or yours, where everyone brings along something to add to the buffet table, and you, your mum, your inlaws and all the children can have a happy family time together?

my mum called me up last night to discuss mother's day, she is working so asked what arrangements i'd like to make around that particular weekend. we have decided to go to our favourite restaurant for food and wine the following day as i don't think it's necessary to have to see her on mothering sunday, it's my day too, i have a toddler at home and would like to be spoiled on mother's day as i work so hard the other 264 days of the year raising her

last year we visited MIL with card and gift in the morning, then in the afternoon me, my mum, my daughter and my godmother went for a meal, DH picked DD up an hour into the meal and i then got on the wine! i feel a little mean that MIL wasn't taken for a meal last year, i don't think we even offered, so i'll make sure DH offers to take her for one this year (but probably not on mother's day because i'm a bit selfish and want it to be all about me!)

I have a similar situation.

DH's family have organised for us all to take MIL out for a meal.

I don't really want to go as I have a few "issues" with them.

I have said to DH I am not going to play "happy families".

So the dilemma I have is does DH go with DC, or does he leave DC with me and I visit my mother or stay at home and enjoy being home alone?

Families!!!!!!!

babysbreath - it's your day too, so you need to do whatever you'd find most enjoyable. if i were you i'd be telling DH you want a lie in, breakfast in bed, loads of kisses and cuddles off the kids, visit your DM for a bit, then let DH take the kids to the meal whilst you go home, put your feet up and just relax in the peace and quiet.

Tomorrow, I will be going out for lunch with my adult DTS's and my toddler DD (from my relationship with DH) DH will be going around to his mother's for lunch. I think BIL, SIL & DN will be there.

jinglemum thanks for your reply. Unfortunately, my DM is not on my doorstep, so if I see her I usually go for the day. So what I may do is pack them off for the meal and I will either see my DM or relax at home!

Your children should definitely be with you babysbreath as you are their mother. It isn't grannie's day. If your husband wants to see his mother fine, although it's sad he is prioritising that over spoiling you with the kids. Visit your mum or stay alone with the kids as you want.

Cowboysgal did you come to an agreement?
My DS is 4, every year we have made a point of going to see both my DM, MIL and my nan on mother's day and they've always got cards and a gift from DS and us. This year I have sent both mum's a card and chocolate in the post (we have moved away from them) and tomorrow is all about me for the 1st time ever and I am so looking forward to it! This is the 1st year DS has realised what it's all about so he's made me a little gift at nursery, has been out and got a card with DP today and has been telling me all week how he will be bringing me pancakes in bed in the morning, the rest of the day will be spent having a lazy day I think. I actually feel rather relieved about it and have no idea why we've never done it before. I think this year will be the start of a new tradition :)

I have this issue too, although dh didn't consult me and just invited them round for him to cook dinner at night. They are coming early afternoon as they 'have' to watch the football therefore fucking up my entire mothers day, thanks dh.

Don't do it. Bloody in laws.

I'd be inclined to then go out with the kids and leave him to entertain them. my husband has never invited people round without asking me first.