Are there any single Dads

[JugsyMalone]

Not being rude - I genuinely have never met one.

My dad was a single parent to me from 12, not from tragic circumstances and I barely saw my mum from then until an adult, 'cos I was a surly teen who could never be bothered. Nothing overly difficult, it just worked like any other family I'm sure.

I was one for best part of a decade but now I'm engaged to an amazing woman.

Initially when I split from the kids mum the arrangements were 50-50 but soon it was pretty obvious that her heart wasn't in it and I had the kids more & more. Eventually it settled into an alternate weekend thing. At the time she was more interested in forging her career and going clubbing/socialising than she was in taking care of her two small kids. Years down the line she did calm down but it was too little, too late. Kid's lived with me and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I do know quite a few full time single dads. For the most part we're an unassuming group that just gets on with things and lives our lives the best we can with the hand we're dealt. Just like everyone else.

Mr two best friends are.

One's XP was a physically and verbally abusive alchoholic. He threw her out. She drank herself to death. He now brings up their dd and his dsd alone.

Other friend was a SAHD who's wife had a messy affair. They eventually worked out 50:50.

My Grandad was too after his wife died.

I'd say I'm a single Dad.

My baby brother is a single dad to his 2 DD's. His ex is an abusive bitch (with the convictions to prove it) and he's still having to fight through the courts to keep his girls. The ex keeps trying to get the girls taken from him because if she can't have them why should he and she would rather they were in care than with him (he dared to leave her after she attacked him).

Luckily his social worker is brilliant, as is the court ordered phycologist (sp) and his solicitor thinks the next hearing should be the last (until she comes up with some other random lie to try to screw him).

Sorry, that turned into a massive rant.

I know loads!

My FIL was. When him and MIL first split, she had custody, but she couldnt cope on her own so he took over and she was weekend mum who bought the big gifts for xmas.

My Nan left too, packed up and disappeared while my mum was on her honeymoon (her sister was still living at home).

My sisters two best friends were both brought up by their dads, both saw their mums on weekends. Same for a friend of mine, still lives with her dad.

My Dad was. In the late 80's. Very very unusual then. He got custody of me when I was 4yo, and I lived with him until he died when I was 10yo.

I only know of one, and even then he's a friend of a friend and I haven't actually met him. He was widowed .

FWIW I only know 3 other LP mums.

I don't know any in RL but there is one MN who does not post very often now. His wife died and I think he has now formed a new relationship.

There is another one on MN, MB - I don't think we are thinking of the same man. I am thinking of Snorbs.

Thing about being an 'active' male nrp, I was talking to a woman friend of mine about how it actually works - and she guessed that having my dd every other weekend and one in the week means I and other nrps often spend more time, and better time, with their dcs than a lot of 'resident' dads do.

I was paired up at Christmas with a single Dad. I still do not know if he received his 2 Xmas parcels.... Not giving any more details but they do exist.

My dad was a single dad to my little sister. (I'd already left home). My mum left when my sister was 13. He did his best, my sister is still extremely close to him (she's now 29), but has a strained relationship with my mum.

Pan. I posed that question recently in _chat.

'how much one on one time does your DP spend with your dc ?'

from the responses I felt I spend more quality time with my dd as an nrp as many married men.

Somewhat ironic.

Pan - it was the other one I was thinking of. I didn't know Snorbs was as well.

MrG - yes being an nrp is such a drawback for all involved (though much healthier in my case than the alternative!) and from anecdote and obs. the nature of the situation brings a particular discipline.

• when dd was about 4, (now 12) I was stuck in traffic when picking her up from nursery. It was suggested to her that 'maybe daddy has forgot'. Staff told me when I arrived that dd replied "No. Daddy never forgets things. He will be here soon." Everso proud of that. It's quite poss. resident dads take stuff for granted, which we simply can't.

MB - Snorbs refers to it ocassionally - separation triggered through ex-s alcoholism. He is a font of wisdom on alcoholism. Really admirable.

Yerse. I sometimes feel my specialist subject on Mastermind would "how to deal with a sodding sodden alcoholic while still managing to cling on to at least a a shred of sanity"

I think if your DD knows she can rely on you then you've done a hell of a good job. I see the damage caused to my DCs by their mother's unreliability and it's heart-breaking, it really is.

I think it was retiredgoth2 on here who lost his wife and went on to raise his DCs single-handed. He doesn't post much here anymore though. I think he's had his head turned by a woman.

Snorbs , greetings.

we just need Belfastbloke and Tiggy on here and we have almost the full set.

I know 2, both close friends of DH - one's ex was an alcoholic who had all her kids taken off her because she was so drunk passed out on the couch that a neighbour had to break into the house to take care of her 6 month old baby who had been screaming all day. He also has foetal alcohol syndrome because of her.
She had 3 older children who were also taken off her (and are not allowed to go back to her).

The other has 50-50 care with his ex (who he left because she repeatedly cheated on him).

It kind of annoys be when people say that a dad is a 'fake' single dad or a 'part-time' single dad when they only have their children on weekends and holidays - as if the only time they love or care about their children is when they are physically with them.
People don't seem to refer to women in the same situation in that way!

Anyone who has a child is always a 'full-time parent', you don't stop being one just because they don't see their kids. Doesn't make them a good parent, but they still are one (if that makes sense)!

I knew one. My ex was brought up by his dad after his mum died when he was a few months old. His dad had to give up work to look after my ex and his 4 older siblings full time. He did a great job. The lovely man in question died a few years ago after complications from undiagnosed pneumonia in a crappy state care home.

Yes, extremepie that was my point exactly - everyone refers to the woman who only has her DC every other weekend + 2-3 days/week as a 'single mum' but the fathers in these situations aren't given the same respect as being 'single dads' (who also only have their DC every other weekend and 2-3 days/week).

Double standards.

Makes me sick.

The thought of my ExH who manages to see his DC a maximim of two days a month being a 'full time parent' is not credible.

But I think I see what you mean.

Oh Linerunner I wouldn't consider your Ex a 'single dad'! (Shame on him for lack of contact)

My dad had my sister and I 50% of the time from age 11 to when we moved out. Does that count?

I also knew a family when I was at school who lived with their dad - the mother was mentally ill, I believe - had about 5 kids with this man, then they split up, and she dumped her two eldest kids on a friend and took the others down to England (from NE Scotland) to live with her parents. The friend contacted the kids' father after a day or so and they lived with him after that, and hardly ever saw their mother. The next year she sent the next oldest boy up to his dad...same story, hardly saw him again, and the year after that the next boy arrived.