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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DP should have shown some common sense

87 replies

Corpse · 03/02/2012 20:59

It snowed overnight here and I was at work early so went to the car at 6am and turned the heating on and everything with the idea that it would take 15 mins or so for the windows to clear. Anyway I was sat there and realised I had left a load of records in the house. I text DP (who I knew was up) and asked him to bring them to me (he often does this to me) and so he opened the bedroom window and just THREW the folders from the first floor window. They were not secure and so hundreds of important files and records just flew EVERYWHERE. I mean, in next doors garden, stuck in the tree, onto the road, they just went literally everywhere. I could only gather around 80% of them and am now in some serious shit at work. DP is refusing the accept that he should have any blame in it whatsoever. I'm so angry at him, if I'd have done that to his files he would go fucking mental.

AIBU to think he should acknowledge that he was being a twat at the very least?

OP posts:
ILoveOnionRings · 03/02/2012 21:51

Ahhh I see

What about ironing them (low temp - teatowel on top) if they have got wet.

By the way my DH has commented your DP is luck to be alive and cannot believe his stupidity.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 03/02/2012 21:56

Has he form for this sort of thing?

This is the kind of occurrence that would just eke away my respect for somebody. I just couldn't bear it, it would fester. And that's poison for a relationship.

MamaMaiasaura · 03/02/2012 21:56

OP / yaNbu at all. What an utter fuckwit he was.

Dh and u text eachother, usually as ive got baby feeding/sleeping and they're free. This is a normal everyday thing we do. How odd posters saying YABU.

Dh said your dh is a tool Grin

MamaMaiasaura · 03/02/2012 22:00

magicwoody Grin lol at Xmas tree

frownieface · 03/02/2012 22:13

YABBU If the papers were that important then you would have remembered them, if they were that important then you would have gone back into your house and gotten them, and if the papers were really that important, (I do not know if I am unique then I would have told my dp that I was working on something that would be that important) I don't think that your dp should be completely vilified in this.

rhondajean · 03/02/2012 22:16

Frownie he does the same type of work, he knew their importance.

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 03/02/2012 22:18

OMG, what a nightmare!

Although at 6am, there is a chance I might have made an equally poor decision...

MamaMaiasaura · 03/02/2012 22:19

Frownieface - this is her dp not her dc. You'd expect some common sense. I'd I had to clarify exactly any request to my dh I'm not sure he'd be dh. It's a partnership and equal. The saying you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours springs to mind.

lagrandissima · 03/02/2012 22:21

Had you had an argument just prior to this? Totally unreasonable behaviour on his part. My DH would get up and defrost the car for me if I asked him. It's normal to do stuff for each other. He sounds like a prat, sorry.

SaggyHairyArse · 03/02/2012 22:27

Have you found them all now? What condition are they in?

Trying not to go mentalist on your behalf...It might be best to let the dust settle on this one and then have stern words (and, yes, lob his laptop out of the window when he asks next).

ChaoticAngel · 03/02/2012 22:30

YANBU If you can't ask your partner/spouse to do you a favour who can you ask? Confused

If he didn't want to do it then he should have text back 'no'. Throwing folders out of the window, secured or not, is the height of stupidity.

Magic I couldn't help Grin at the christmas tree though.

Morloth · 03/02/2012 23:14

Right lets say my DH lost his mind and did this. Lets say he just genuinely didn't think and/or thought they would be OK.

DH would be so upset that this had happened and the possible repercussions that he would have apologised and have done every single thing in his power to try to find every last document, he would be properly horribly sorry.

He wouldn't be fucking laughing about it.

What about the people's whose confidential information is in the documents? Does he give a damn about them?

Fortunately my DH is not an idiot and we have the sort of relationship where we do things for each other all the time without passive aggressive bullshit.

RachelWalsh · 03/02/2012 23:37

What an arsehole.

ReneeVivien · 03/02/2012 23:47

Shock. Just Shock.

Not so much at what he did - we have all done unbelievably dickish things sometimes, just through lack of thought. But I don't know whether to be more appalled at his lack of apology or at those on this thread who think that YOU are to blame. Do none of them ever ask their dp for a favour? Does asking for help really = laziness = deserve whatever you get?

I am so very, very sorry for you. I can imagine how sick you are feeling right now. Really hope it resolves ok.

SquirtedPerfumeUpNoseInBoots · 04/02/2012 00:00

My DH says he might have passed the file out of the ground floor window to avoid going out in the cold, but would not have contemplated throwing them from upstairs. (just wanted a DH perspective)

But we do things for each other. Although to be really frank, I'd have gone and got it myself. I go to work early, he sorts DS.

SquirtedPerfumeUpNoseInBoots · 04/02/2012 00:07

Are you authorised to have "official" records at home in the first place? That's a different matter entirely.

WorraLiberty · 04/02/2012 00:09

OMG I think I would have choked him Shock

tigerdriverII · 04/02/2012 00:10

Were you supposed to have had the papers at home? Cos anything could happen to them, eg fire, children, pets messing them up. Are you worried that they shouldn't have been at home?

I'm sorry though I think they were your responsibility to look after and you shouldn't expect your DP to look after them. You could have locked the car and gone back for them - I know it sounds harsh but they weren't anything to do with him. I have documents which I have to lock in a room at home if they are not in my possession and I don't expect family members to look after them for me and wouldn't ask them to move them.

I do realise you are worried at work and you'll have to think quickly about your excuses.

DonkeyTeapot · 04/02/2012 00:19

What an idiot. He knew they were papers, so whether they were secured or not he should have known that chucking them out the window was not a good idea.

Re: your boss - you won't be able to make anything up that sounds plausible and gets you out of trouble, so you may as well just tell the truth and take the consequences.

Re: Your DP - tell him you have been fired because essential, confidential documents which were in your care, are now missing. Let him stew for a while (you decide how long) and then set him straight, as it sounds like it is entirely feasible that you could have been.

IMHO, your DP owes you a lot of cake and apologies.

NatashaBee · 04/02/2012 01:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FelicityWits · 04/02/2012 01:43

This is just so strange and horrible, especially the laughing! It's just not how someone would react to an accident like that (if it was an accident).

Sounds to me like he was (and is), trying to 'teach you a lesson'. What a wanker.

If I did something that stupid I'd be desperate for a way to try to make it better for my DP, not mocking them.

ComposHat · 04/02/2012 01:57

You are both a pair of lazy so and sos.

That is all I have to say.

Morloth · 04/02/2012 02:10

Are any of the people saying this is the OP's fault actually in functional relationships?

Because I do my DH favours all the time, I sometimes roll out of bed early to iron him a shirt, I sometimes make him a coffee in his 'to go' cup and leave it on the bench for him to grab on the way out the door, I sometimes pick up his dry cleaning etc.

He will warm the car for me while I have a shower, he will put the kettle on and bring me tea in bed, he will swing by the shops to get stuff I need etc.

That is how things are done in normal relationships isn't it? You just give each other a hand. When I get home from shopping, I toot the horn coming in the driveway and he comes out and helps with the bags. In the OP's situation I wouldn't have thought twice about texting DH to bring me the folders, and he wouldn't have thought twice about running them at least to the front door for me.

I just don't get how anyone can think it is unreasonable for the OP to ask her DH for a favour, especially as it is exactly the same favour she has done for him in the past.

FelicityWits · 04/02/2012 02:23

EVEN IF she was being U in asking him to fetch the folder for her (I don't think she was), EVEN IF it was lazy or wrong because only she should've touched the files for security reasons, EVEN IF she should've secured the papers within the files properly (somehow predicting he'd do something so stupid), HIS REACTION is all wrong.

I can kinda imagine someone throwing folders out of the window in a moment of madness or whatever. I've chucked DH's keys down to him in the past, or dropped DD's coat down the centre of the stairwell (flats), if we're in a hurry.

But if you threw the folders and then saw your DP's work flutter everywhere, and more than that you knew how important it was and what the consequences would be if any went missing because you're in the same line of work, surely whatever the 'reason' you'd thrown them (in anger, even), you'd rush to HELP YOUR PARTNER collect the papers, you'd apologise, you'd feel shit, you'd want to try and make things right.

Surely.

TheresASpareChairOverThere · 04/02/2012 02:49

Gosh, the idea it is 'lazy' to ask someone for help or a favour is a miserable thought! I'm glad to say we try to help out here, if my DP was de-icing the car I would happily get his stuff for him and he for me. I certainly wouldn't lob work stuff out of a window. I'd be furious OP and I'm really sorry you've now got so much stress to face tomorrow.

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