Dd1 is 2.2, dd2 is 8 months (ebf and not sleeping through). DH took a job a year ago away from where we live. He agreed with them and me that he would work two days a week in the local office. He then got a promotion and now works round here only one day a week at best. He's away two nights a week and, when not away, leaves before the children get up and comes back after they are in bed. On Fridays he works locally.
Aside from looking after the car (which he has the use of during the week) and putting out the bins on Friday nights, I feel that I take responsibility for everything else. This does not necessarily mean I do everything. Dh does cook for the two of us (not dcs) and wash up, tidy toys etc when he's here, and is happy to change nappies, bath children (though I always get summoned if things don't go completely smoothly), take dd1 to the park etc. If nagged asked sufficiently often, DH will do other things, but it sometimes doesn't feel worth the hassle.
Tbh I feel I have three DCs. DH doesn't take responsibility for anything other than those things mentioned above. None of the organising, planning, keeping in touch with friends, paying bills, sorting out work on the house stuff that needs doing. When his family come to stay, I sort out everything (plans with them, stuff to eat, things to do). I'm also effectively a solo parent from Monday am to Thursday evening every week. At the moment I'm on mat leave, but go back part time when dd2 is 1.
We have had endless conversations about this. He says he wants to do more and me do less, but that doesn't actually happen. There's a lot of talk and no change. It also pisses me off that, when he's away, he's happy to go 24 hours without being in touch at all (not even a text message) - this is when he's in the country, staying at a friend's and no, I'm not bitter getting uninterrupted sleep.
So, aibu to expect any change, or should I just work with what I've got, accept that I have to run the house and look after our children without much real support? Friends who have similar set ups (solo parenting in the week) seem to accept that this is the way things are, but I honestly expected a more egalitarian set up.
Finally, I don't think his job is to blame. I worked ft between babies, whilst he was unemployed for five months, and I did way more domestically than him during that period, even though I was out of the house 7.45-6pm and pregnant. Dd1 was in nursery at that time.
Sorry for the long post.