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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

People that always turn the conversation round to being about themselves. Just me that gets peed off with it?

78 replies

Toocoldtoday · 03/02/2012 09:33

I am getting seriously fed up with a mate of mine. We both have DC at the same school and most mornings end up walking some of the way to school together and see each other at pick up too, and see each other for coffee outside of school. I do like her and she's a nice person but has an irritating habit of turning the conversation round to being about herself.

If for example I say my 3 year old isn't feeling too well, she will say her 3 year old isn't either or start telling me about a time when he was ill before, even if I've heard about it previously. She never just says "Oh I hope he soon feels better, is he ok?" Or if I start to say anything about me or what I've done or what I'm doing that day, she will just cut me off and say what she is doing that day. She also gets quite competitive about the children and thinks I want to hear endless stories about her DC, stories which, whilst they might be cute and nice when told to grandparents, get irritating when you hear story after story over and over again. If I steer the convo round to anything other than children, such as the weather or a new shop in town or something, she will still turn it round to being about her and her children.

I end up staying quiet on the school run most of the time now and if we meet up as it's hard to get a word in and if I say anything she doesn't really listen. I know it's not me being boring or trying to dominate a conversation as I have plenty of other friends with whom I have pleasant two way conversations and we both listen to each other.

OP posts:
EirikurNoromaour · 03/02/2012 09:35

Ugh I hate this, so boring.

Anniegetyourgun · 03/02/2012 09:37

Um, that person who does that, it's probably me. Blush

Toocoldtoday · 03/02/2012 09:37

Yep it's totally boring isn't it? She tells me the same stories over and over again. Things like her 3 year old waking up every night and getting in their bed. And about what stickers her 7 year old has got on their star chart the previous day and for what behaviour they got it.

OP posts:
MateyMooo · 03/02/2012 09:38

it could be that she is insecure and wants to impress you , but the only thing you have in common is your kids.

My sister does this, but she is deeply insecure.

I have been to the hospital to have investigative surgery yesterday, and she just turned the conversation round to last time she was in hospital.

Distinct lack of depth, but be kind, she probably doest even realise she is doing it.

mojitomania · 03/02/2012 09:38

We all know one, grrrr Grin

Toocoldtoday · 03/02/2012 09:38

Do your friends find you irritating, Anniegetyourgun?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 03/02/2012 09:42

DS2's friend's Mum is like that...she's a lovely woman but she drives me insane with it.

Even when you do get to speak, she's drawing breath to tell you another big story about her or her family and you can tell she's not listening to a word.

DialsMavis · 03/02/2012 09:44

God me too Annie, we should pair up and just interrupt each other loads, it could be a sort of behaviour modification therapy for usBlush

Flyingoutofcontrol · 03/02/2012 09:44

I know I do this. I have a fear of not being interesting enough and there being uncomfortable silences, so I ramble on and try to fill any and every gap.

As to whether it annoys my friends... if I had any, you could ask them. So I'm guessing it does annoy people.

I just can't stop myself though.

TroublesomeEx · 03/02/2012 09:45

My mum does this. She's not insecure, it's just that nobody is as good, hard done by, interesting or as well respected at work as she is.

She truly believes the universe revolves around her. Grin Angry

When my brother once had the nerve to pick her up on it she said "It's called a conversation. That's how it works. You say something, I say something." Mm, that's not necessarily how a 'conversation' works!

gamerwidow · 03/02/2012 09:46

It is annoying when people do that but it's probably done in ignorance rather than malice. I think I've been guilty of comparing other people's situations to when I've been in a similar situation in a mistaken attempt to empathise. As I've got older I've realised a better way to empathise is to listen to the other person and ask questions about them and how they are coping.

Whatmeworry · 03/02/2012 09:46

That's enough about you, now lets talk about me :)

DialsMavis · 03/02/2012 09:46

Look how us that are guilty of this are trying to turn the thread round to be about us Grin

Kayano · 03/02/2012 09:49

My cousin is like this and she has esteem issues!

For example she will ask:
How are you and bump?

I will say:
Well, we are O...

Her:
When I was pregnant....

My DH says if she tells him about her pregnancy omelette addiction from 3 years ago one more time he will drop kick her lol.

TandB · 03/02/2012 09:51

Well how do you think I feel.

Grin
auntmargaret · 03/02/2012 09:51

If she is someone you value, and you'd like to preserve the friendship then next time she does it, you say "me,me,me,me,me....let's talk about me" and smile and nudge her. She'll get the message. Then if she falls into old habits, you say "Uh-oh, Mimi's back" That sorts it with my friends who tend to do this.

gamerwidow · 03/02/2012 09:51

Yep i did appreciate the irony as I was replying :)

So putting the focus back on the OP, no it's not just you the gets peed off with it. Not sure what you can do short of limiting your time with her or saying something, both of which run the risk of damaging your friendship. I guess it depends how annoying you find it as to what you do next?

LovesBeingWearingSkinnyJeans · 03/02/2012 09:52

Does she have anyone else to talk too? Does she have anything else in her life apart from her dcs?

I know tgat I can get boring when I've not had much going on.

stinkingbishop · 03/02/2012 09:52

See my thread about my DM over Xmas ;)

I have a saying pinned up now - 'It's hard to listen when your mouth's moving' - but to little avail thus far...

Mummysmall · 03/02/2012 09:53

I have a feeling I do this, especially with other school mums which is a new and scary environment for me. It's definitely not because I'm self obsessed but all about filling the awkward silences and desperately trying to make small talk. Give her time and I'm sure she'll mellow.

eaglewings · 03/02/2012 09:53

I've someone staying who's like this, I've given up even trying to answer her question as I know I'll not finish my sentence.

So I think the rest of this thread should be about me :)

Asinine · 03/02/2012 09:54

You sound upset, toocoldtoday, tell me more, does she annoy you in any other ways?

Actually mumsnet is like this a lot.

My dcs do this, that and the other. I'm getting stressed out? Any advice?

My dcs are even worse blah blah blah

My dcs do that too...

The other day my dc said...

Now I'm worried that I love mn because I get to chunter on about my dcs...

Toocoldtoday · 03/02/2012 09:56

Mummysmall, I've known her 15 years

Auntmargaret, I love the MiMi idea!!!

OP posts:
MrsBeakman · 03/02/2012 10:00

I do this but i thought i was empathising with people. eg. This morning a mum at school lost her kid and i helped her look for the child and then when we found her the mum was saying how annoyed she was the kid had run off, so i told her about the time my kid did the same thing and how scared i was. I thought i was empathising with how bad it feels when they do that.

MrsBeakman · 03/02/2012 10:01

I do it on MN too! Blush

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