to protect your property from other people's kids?

[crummymummee]

I moved my buggy on the bus today so that another lady could put hers on the bus too. No thanks for that... hey ho. Her son got on as well (3ish?) and started to remove dd's favourite book from the back of buggy. Well, this is London and he was a little kid - I didn't know whether he might walk off with it - he might not even realise you don't do that. I didn't react but I did look a little alarmed, I admit - however, he saw me and just put it back (phew I thought, argument averted).
WELL! The comments between this mum and her friend! My daughter was WAY worse than her son - in fact she was touching their buggy, shock horror. AND she was probably 'diseased'. (Does anyone actually use the word 'diseased' anymore???) So eventually I asked if there was a problem - mostly because my daughter is starting to understand things and I didn't want her to think the kind of behaviour this mum was exhibiting was acceptable. We had a real corker of a row, ending with her telling me in very pious tones that I should never think my child was any better than anyone else's. (I certainly hadn't suggested any such thing).
Now, AIBU but I think I would have been well within my rights not just to have looked a little alarmed at her son's behaviour but actually to ask him to put the book back. In fact I think it would have been ok to add that you don't take other people's stuff without asking. And btw, that would in no way have suggested anything about where I ranked him next to my daughter in terms of who was 'better' (whatever that means?) Geeezzzz... is this the kind of rubbish I have to look forward to from other parents when she starts school?

There's always someone who has to bring up race.

OP, in my opinion, this other woman was responding to the look on your face. Try to think about it the other way around. If your child had taken a book from hers and she pulled an 'alarmed' expression, would that get your back up and make you defensive? Whether you verbally expressed yourself is another matter, do you think you'd feel the same?

I wish more people would reverse the situation in their minds before deciding how to respond, I believe it would save a fair bit of aggro.

I also believe the passive/aggressive types are best left to their chuntering. They're working out the problem with themselves but loudly enough because they want an excuse to have a fight with you. Don't give them one.

If the other woman actively picked a fight with you, there is absolutely nothing wrong with apologising, even if you don't mean it, because you're unlikely to see that person again, you're big enough to look like a 'loser' because you know you are not, it's likely to diffuse the situation which is best all round for the children involved and this other woman can walk off with her nose in the air all happy with herself for having 'won'. Do you really care?

Busyold fool - sorry to hear that you have misread me entirely. Any prejudice against a person of another race is racism

Boomerwang. And why on earth not? It's a possibility. I could equally say, "There's always people who want to deny its existance". I'm sure that isn't you, so there's no need for sweeping generalisations from anyone, is there?

Apart from that, I agree with the rest of your post

Given that you have the privilege of putting your version of events, you really don't come of this looking too great.

Six of one, half a dozen of the other.

Was this bus en route to the upright passive-aggressive arseholes convention?

There is not always someone that brings up race

Plenty of AIBU threads where race isn't brought up at all

It is disingenous to try and make it wrong to mention it like that. A few people simply said that from their own experiences, they thought it sounded like racial differences played a part

Race wasn't "just brought up", though. I was accussed of being a racist. When all i advised to the OP was to pleasently speak to the child and wondered why someone would "glower" at a toddler .

I hadn't addressed a post at pushydad, he decided that i had brought race into it. I hadn't read that the OP and women were from different ethnic backgrounds.

Yes, race was brought up and you know, it could have worked out better than it did.

Birdsgottafly
If your capable of standing glowering at a toddler when chatting in a pleasent manner would work, there is something very wrong with you.

It's crap behaviour towards someone more vulnerable and weaker than you, because you think you can get away with it.

PushyDad
Bird- How did "I did look a little alarmed" translate into "glowering at a toddler" in your racist mind?

This is where it really started, despite pushydad delicately asking about the OP's race earlier, there was no need for this at all.

I think that this is also about how your environment can change how you are with others or think. I live in the North West, we talk to each other on buses etc, regardless of ethnic/cultural background. It wouldn't occur to me that this was anything to do with race.

I would just wonder why adults are not happy to chat to toddlers, they sometimes make your day when you have a rubbish start to the morning. London seems to be a very different place to where i live (i have family/friends that live 'down south').

I come from a multi-racial/religion family that live all over the world, so sometimes i don't think about the meaning of that others may put on my actions/reactions.

Pushydad goes on to tell the story of bumping into someone and thinks that if he had of been white the reaction would have been different.

He speaks about blue eyes, my DD's have olive skin and brown eyes/hair, how can he assume that i would not smile at a child because it isn't blond? That is just ridiculous.

It doesn't matter where your heritage is from, or what you look like, if you make assumptions you will get it wrong a good proportion of the time.

I am not sure in what alternative reality anything Birds said on this thread could legitimately lead to her being accused of having a "racist mind".

There may well have been a racial element to the incident - no-one here has enough information to be sure about that, except possibly the OP who hasn't clarified those details. But the accusation of racism levelled at Birds was completely random and disconnected from anything she was actually saying.

Just wanted to make it clear that I was referring to pushydad's comment when I said there was no need for this at all. I couldn't find anything remotely racist about bird's post.