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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to protect your property from other people's kids?

85 replies

crummymummee · 01/02/2012 21:30

I moved my buggy on the bus today so that another lady could put hers on the bus too. No thanks for that... hey ho. Her son got on as well (3ish?) and started to remove dd's favourite book from the back of buggy. Well, this is London and he was a little kid - I didn't know whether he might walk off with it - he might not even realise you don't do that. I didn't react but I did look a little alarmed, I admit - however, he saw me and just put it back (phew I thought, argument averted).
WELL! The comments between this mum and her friend! My daughter was WAY worse than her son - in fact she was touching their buggy, shock horror. AND she was probably 'diseased'. (Does anyone actually use the word 'diseased' anymore???) So eventually I asked if there was a problem - mostly because my daughter is starting to understand things and I didn't want her to think the kind of behaviour this mum was exhibiting was acceptable. We had a real corker of a row, ending with her telling me in very pious tones that I should never think my child was any better than anyone else's. (I certainly hadn't suggested any such thing).
Now, AIBU but I think I would have been well within my rights not just to have looked a little alarmed at her son's behaviour but actually to ask him to put the book back. In fact I think it would have been ok to add that you don't take other people's stuff without asking. And btw, that would in no way have suggested anything about where I ranked him next to my daughter in terms of who was 'better' (whatever that means?) Geeezzzz... is this the kind of rubbish I have to look forward to from other parents when she starts school?

OP posts:
littlemisssarcastic · 02/02/2012 10:52

OP, I am confused.

You said So eventually I asked if there was a problem - mostly because my daughter is starting to understand things and I didn't want her to think the kind of behaviour this mum was exhibiting was acceptable. I understand that bit, but straight away you go on to say We had a real corker of a row,.

How is it setting a good example to your DD if you have a 'corker of a row' with a stranger on the bus in front of her?? Confused

mojitomania · 02/02/2012 10:53

Nope you weren't unreasonable at all OP.

Didn't think you judged at all

A thank you is a common courtesy in my book if someone moves out of the way for you

PushyDad · 02/02/2012 10:54

Children touch things. That is what children do. But taking stuff from someone's buggy is a big no no to me, even if the kid is only 3.

MeltedChocolate · 02/02/2012 10:56

I agree PushyDad, and the other woman should have told her DS off (if she saw it) but while OP's DD was touching she should have said 'no DD, we do not touch other people's things' because her DD has to learn that we don't!

PushyDad · 02/02/2012 10:59

How can posters equate the OP giving a child a look for removing property from OP's buggy to the women opening slagging off the OP for letting her kid touch their buggy and calling the child 'diseased'?

If a couple of being was slagging off me or DC in public I too would give them an earful as opposed to pretending that I can't hear them.

PushyDad · 02/02/2012 11:03

.... having said that, I do teach my DCs not to touch other people's property. Not because I think it is a big deal but because I know that if you are not blue-eyed with blonde curls then chances are you are going to get 'looks' from other parents.

And no, before anyone says it, I don't have a chip on my shoulder about being non-white.

Catsdontcare · 02/02/2012 11:05

Sounds ridiculous beyond reason on both sides tbh? I mean really? a stand up row over a couple of toddlers touching property that wasn't theirs? Really?

Birdsgottafly · 02/02/2012 11:12

I don't understand why so many posters on MN are scared to verbally communicate with others, unless that is why you come on to internet forums.

OP you could have just said "oh, give me that, i'l show you the picture,good boy", instead of glowering at small children. Makes the world a nice place for all of us to be in. An arguement is a two way process, the woman could not have had one on her own.

You don't have to pass through life with this attitude, you seem to have, you were expecting an arguement from the start. I really don't understand why you would look alarmed at a three year olds behaviour (who may be big for his age and be younger),unless London is a lot more dangerous than where i live.

BlueFergie · 02/02/2012 11:13

I think the other mother was totally out of order calling your child diseased. What a nasty despicable thing to say. There is no excuse for that.
Having said that, I think you handled the incident with the other child badly. I would have just interacted with him. Said 'yes it's a nice book isn't it. It's DDs favourite, shall I read it to you both?'. Take it back off him, read it quickly (or part of it if it was a big book) store it back under buggy. Job done

Birdsgottafly · 02/02/2012 11:14

That should have ben verbally communicate, unless to argue.

OP i would have laughed out loud if anyone had of used the term diseased around me.

Catsdontcare · 02/02/2012 11:15

Yes why not just let him look and then ask for it back? Was he wearing a hoodie?

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 02/02/2012 11:16

Of course the other woman was wrong to use the word diseased, but we are only hearing one side to this. It would be interesting to hear the other woman's point of view and what OP said to her.

StrandedBear · 02/02/2012 11:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 02/02/2012 11:23

It would be very interesting KitchenRoll

I feel with threads like this that mention any kind of 'look', it's hard to really make your mind up because often the actual look dictates what happens afterwards.

One persons 'smile' 'alarmed look' 'concerned look' can often be another person's filthy look...it can depend on how it's interpreted.

pantspantspants · 02/02/2012 11:26

OP your post does give off an entitled vibe. I normally hate the whole race/class/age thing but your OP smacks of a difference of some sort, with you feeling the 'better' person.

You gave a 3 year old a "look" for touching your book that cost a couple of £ but you let your DC touch a pushchair that costs £££. You were "protecting your property" but they aren't allowed to do the same.

Why can't he touch your book, but your DD can touch their pushchair.

You gave a "look" which, from your tone of your op probably came off as "how dare he" and they spoke in a tone that your "look" also did. They only verbalized your "look".

You are no better than them either before during the fight or after. For the fight in public and in front of your DC you are both very unreasonable.

You feel judged but from everything you have written you judged first, even if you can't admit it to yourself.

HintofBream · 02/02/2012 12:10

Come off it pants. The other child did not just touch the book he "started to remove it" then "put it back". Ridiculous to equate that with touching a buggy even if it did "cost £££s".

Birdsgottafly · 02/02/2012 12:26

If your capable of standing glowering at a toddler when chatting in a pleasent manner would work, there is something very wrong with you.

It's crap behaviour towards someone more vulnerable and weaker than you, because you think you can get away with it.

pantspantspants · 02/02/2012 12:33

HintofBream OP admits she didn't think the child would steal it so, with her looking on what harm would have come of it?

Original poster
crummymummee · 02/02/2012 13:26

FolkSister - I didn't think about their being a 'difference' between us. I come from a very mixed background. No one in my family was even born in the UK for the past two generations except my sister. Incidentally, her comment about my child being diseased was followed up by "Yes, they carry diseases you know". But no doubt a look of mild alarm (which has somehow, on this board, becoming an evil 'look') totally warrants that kind of remark about a one year old child. What was I thinking trying to defend us when I had the audacity to feel slightly alarmed and inadvertently show it.

OP posts:
HintofBream · 02/02/2012 13:50

pants No she did not think the other child would "steal " it as he was only three. But if he had been allowed to hang on to it I can quite see that there might have been a problem when either the OP or the others wanted to get off the bus whereas her child touching the buggy made no differnce to anything.
birds It sounds as if the OP was the vulnerable and weaker one here given the obnoxious remarks of the other women.

TroublesomeEx · 02/02/2012 14:38

Tbh OP, I did wonder if the other woman was a different race/class to you and you were being a bit judgy about that.

Although given what you have said (and now I am assuming that "mixed background" and "not born in the uk" translates to "not white" too! admittedly!) that maybe she did have a problem with you.

Some people just aren't that nice. Sad

PushyDad · 02/02/2012 16:07

Bird- How did "I did look a little alarmed" translate into "glowering at a toddler" in your racist mind?

PushyDad · 02/02/2012 16:21

A few months ago I was walking down the main road when I was distracted by a police siren. No contact was made but I almost bumped into this young white girl. I smiled and apologised but all I got was a filthy look before she walked off.

Was it because I was some middle aged bespectacled guy? Would it have made a difference if I was white middle aged bespectacled guy?

Dunno to the above but I don't doubt that if I was a young good looking white guy I would have probably got a giggle out of her. She would have probably texted her GF to tell her about this cute guy that almost bumped into her.

In this PC world people hide their racism, even from themselves but often, on the streets and in forums, it rears its ugly face. The OP was a "little alarmed" that some kid was taking something from her buggy but that somehow got translated into the OP is a bully for "glowering at a toddler". And it was her fault that her child was described as 'diseased'. Jeeze. Some people. [rolls eyes]

WorraLiberty · 02/02/2012 16:27

Bird- How did "I did look a little alarmed" translate into "glowering at a toddler" in your racist mind?

What in name of fuck are you accusing her of being racist for??

How does her post even remotely hint at any kind of racism whatsoever?

OldBagWantsNewBag · 02/02/2012 18:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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