To think that our parents never parented like this and we all turned out ok?

[mosschops30]

Honestly every day i log onto MN and there is always some variation of the following:

Ds doesnt like school, should i keep him home its making him anxious
MIL fed dd fish fingers and i am furious
Dh said the house wasnt clean is he emotionally abusing me
I think my ds should fo half days because hes tired
Can rides be banned from supermarkets, im thinking of a petition
Im disgusted that ds was playing with a toy gun at friends party

Yada yada yada la la la
Really? Can you imagine any of our parents doing this, i couldnt even get a day off with stomach ache, let alone feeling tired, a vesta curry or crispy pancakes was considered the height of sophistication, we watched Nightmare on Elm Street at age 9, and apart from the knifed glove i have in the airing cupboard it didnt do me sny harm, parents wouldnt question the school on hours or teaching skills.

Honestly it just makes me i think people have too much time

I actually like to think I'm very similar in the upbringing of my DD as my mother was with me? She installed manners, made me read a lot, I did as I was told and I was also on the end of the 'death stare' but I was also allowed to ride my bike without a helmet, slide down a snowy slope on a tea tray and stay outside all day in all weathers. Both myself and my brother were smacked as kids and we haven't murdered anyone, or been in prison or dead..

My Dad also had a death stare :)

I think that people treat motherhood more like a career these days and since there are not progress reports with someone giving feedback on how you are doing they compare with other mothers.

The progress of the DC gives the mother status. If your baby sits up before the rest of the group 'you must be a good mother', if they are on a higher reading band, or have the main part in a school play 'you must be a good mother', if they get good exam results -a string of A* 'you must be a good mother'.
If they get to Oxford or become an Olympic Gold Medallist 'you must be an utterly fantastic mother'! To be a good mother you appear to have to have a successful child.

I think it is insecurity and it is at it's worst in the first 5 yrs, it carries on a bit longer but eventually the pushy mother often has to concede defeat and may discover that the quiet little DC whose mother wouldn't compete, is actually beating them hands down!

You can have a DC who is very successful in some way and be a terrible mother, you can equally have a very average DC , or a below average DC, and be a wonderful mother.

I don't think that people were caught up in the same way. They were thrilled for the DC if they did well, but they saw it as more the DCs work-not mother's production.

Funny, I am a psych undergraduate and have just been reading about how Western notions of 'childhood' have changed over the decades, in line with social and technological changes, and also how other cultures see it differently. Same with the idea of family which in other cultures can mean the everyone is 'brother' or 'sister'.

In other cultures children will be involved in 'work' nd parents see children as making a direct economic and social contribution to the family. Work can also build self esteem and discipline. Many of the world's children work and go to school. Studies show Western children as young as 18 months like to help with household. Bores and get a sense of pride at contributing.

Maybe our children should be contributing more to society throughout their lives.

lol
''household chores' although 'Bores' is more apt

well.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/02/02/the-kids-are-more-than-all-right/

Interesting American article.

Suggest on here that DCs should do some chores and you will be accused of wanting to send DCs up chimneys (actually said not long ago!)

I was 15 the first and only time I tried crispy pancakes. It was at a friend's house.

YABU to assume that everyone had parents like yours.

If my parents had paid me even a fraction of the attention I give to my children I would have had a different life.

lequeen My mum had a stare that could stop you in your tracks which i christened the look i do the look also but my mum was the best , from another 70s child

really they think chores is child labour so children are not supposed to pick up after themselves then ? I must admit this is an unhill struggle for mine as when they turned teen the turned helpless sigh

Maybe YANBU but I think you're being a bit unfair.
The beauty of mumsnet is that it's supposed to be an anonymous forum, which presumably means people sometimes use it to post trivial concerns that they don't want to mention in RL to other mums in fear of being considered precious or be laughed at.

We all surely have little things that niggle us, we might know that really we're just being silly but we can air it on Mumsnet and be told 'get a grip'.

I'd say over all ages there have been different styles of parents and parenting, maybe not so much awareness of health and safety prompting over-protective parenting.

Also in the 50s 60s and prob 70s many mothers who would feel they had to bite their tongue, not make a fuss etc... would be more isolated than they are now. I'd say a fair few having undiagnosed or secretely diagnosed depression.

Oh, but never mind, a good bit of electric shock would sort that out, wouldn't it? Who needs these new fangled treatments.

Well to be fair my kids think that them doing chores is child labour They do it but they make sure I know they aren't enjoying it at all....

But I do think that motherhood has been turned in to a science
My mum says some young mums walk around as if they have invented motherhood.
Spending lots of time with elderly people has really helped me gain a sense of perspective. I don't think enough of young/old interaction happens now, and I think there used to probably be more than that.

My mum says some young mums walk around as if they have invented motherhood.

They do indeed! Carrying your baby in a sling (quite common) is now baby wearing. Giving your DC finger food is BLW.

exotic totally agree with your posts.

I found a school report of mine from 79/80, it has almost nothing on it, so bland , so generic...almost rude

I know my mum didn't question it, or go to my teacherlike I have to confess I would have done if one of mine had received it

MildlyNarky I can better that. I didnt taste a crispy pancake until I was 20!

My mother was into good food but she wasnt into endless analysis of her parenting style

YABU.
My various parents (while well meaning) were fairly negligent, and I am the neurotic, anxious, far too risk aware person I am today because of this.
I could give examples of their crapness, but fear I may out myself!

And... I NEVER worry about my "parenting style"! Who really does this in RL?

In most ways I am very old school : table manners, respect for adults, please and thankyou, be able to entertain yourself for a good while.
I don't get up at 6 just because he does, and he knows not to come into my room until it gets light. I weaned him on whatever I was having, mashed up and it didnt occur to me to worry about it, and bedtime is bedtime-end of.

Some of those things have filtered down from my own parents, but I would still rather he was not brought up exactly the way I was.

AND (rant alert) this thing about "professional mums". I only really know about these people via MN. I dont know any in RL.
When you are poor and struggling, you do your best for your kid(s) whatever way you can, but this whole thing about mandarin lessons etc is just not my experience.

The Professional Mums may be a bit exagerrated, or confined to the extreme examples on "reality" programmes (I'm sure there was one on that "How to Be A Good Mother" programme recently that referred to a blackboard as a "communication hub" and planned every last second) but that attitude is around. I have a friend who took their 3 year old (who hadn't shown any interest) for tennis coaching. What's wrong with just playing catch, or with kiddie tennis rackets/balls in the park - save your money and time on lessons until they show an aptitude for something.

Too many women swap their professional career to become a professional Mum - complete with regular assesments, flip-charts, appraisals, Power Point presentations, micro-management, macro-management and endless jockeying for a higher rung up the Corporate Parenting Ladder

Ah yes - and all the new the baby wearing, co sleeping, baby led weaning corporate parenting jargon.

I'm surprised pregnancy, motherhood and giving birth haven't been renamed to pre-birth life support, childhood management, and evacuation co-completion or somesuch.

It does exist though NorthernWreck. At one time your DC picked up a bat and ball and you just played with them-you didn't rush out and get them tennis lesson, in the same way they plonked on the piano and it wasn't seen as early musical genius! You waited until the child showed a definite interest.
I'm with you at not getting up at 6am because they do-but according to threads on MN it is negligent to not be with your DC at al times!

I remember my mum talking about how times had changed.
She recalls being in labour with my brother and one of the nurses asking her if she wanted to go to the smoking room for a 'a wee ciggy'.
She also describes how she loved breastfeeding - she said "Oh it was lovely - I would get my book, my cigarettes and ashtray, and sit on the couch and relax while you fed"

Can you imagine any of that these days?!

Love it Whatmeworry!