To think that our parents never parented like this and we all turned out ok?

[mosschops30]

Honestly every day i log onto MN and there is always some variation of the following:

Ds doesnt like school, should i keep him home its making him anxious
MIL fed dd fish fingers and i am furious
Dh said the house wasnt clean is he emotionally abusing me
I think my ds should fo half days because hes tired
Can rides be banned from supermarkets, im thinking of a petition
Im disgusted that ds was playing with a toy gun at friends party

Yada yada yada la la la
Really? Can you imagine any of our parents doing this, i couldnt even get a day off with stomach ache, let alone feeling tired, a vesta curry or crispy pancakes was considered the height of sophistication, we watched Nightmare on Elm Street at age 9, and apart from the knifed glove i have in the airing cupboard it didnt do me sny harm, parents wouldnt question the school on hours or teaching skills.

Honestly it just makes me i think people have too much time

Ah... Those were the days.
Surfing the back seat of a Cortina or going places whilst kneeling on the seat and waving to folk out the back window.
My Grandad spent his days out in the garden and all the neighbourhood kids would stop and chat to him. These days he'd be lynched as a paedo.
I well remember the rose petal "perfume". We sold ours to the neighbours.
We were allowed to wander the streets all the time there was daylight as well. No mobile phones, so our parents had to rely on us telling the truth when we told them where we were going.
Strangers spoke to us in the street (usually elderly folk) and we didn't run screaming, we chatted to them and we were polite too (on pain of death).
Sent to school unless projectile vomiting might disrupt the class or quite obviously contagious.

Oh and get this:

Are you sitting down?

If it was coming up to the end of the month, money was tight and the cupboards were becoming bare, my Mother would make batter and chuck dollops of it into the chip pan. We would then be presented with lumps of fried batter to dip in ketchup. Every kid in the street would turn up if they knew that delicacy was on offer.

And no, it really didn't do me any harm, any of it or the other things that would be jumped on these days. I do parent my children slightly differently, but the basics are the same.
A varied diet can contain whatever you damn well like in moderation.
You have to eat a peck of dirt etc.
Feel free to scrabble around the garden for worms and if you start sticking them in your mouth I promise I won't rush you to A&E to have your stomach pumped.

As for this idea that children must be allowed to express themselves freely? Do Not Get Me STARTED!!

Well, DH and I turned out ok in spite of how our parents parented, not because of it.

That's true of lots of people and those people are all trying to change things for their children.

However, I do think a lot of 'modern day' parents also get it wrong and that their/our children will also turn out ok in spite of how they were parented and not because of it.

Our parents did what they thought was right, we do what we think is right. In fact, most parents do what they think is right because they want the best for their children. Do they/we always get it right? No. But most kids turn out ok.

My parents both worked full time and I and my mates were left entirely to our own devices from age 8 in the summer holidays. I remember taking it in turns to jump off my friend's garage roof. We also used the local building site as a playground.

My parents would never have dreamed of hanging around the playpark with us, never mind anxiously fretting over whether we were getting our fair share on the swings.

I think too many parents are too precious. Modern saftey advice I take seriously and my Mum who is 75 bless is keen to update her knowledge in this regard for her grandkids - after 2 cot deaths herself she's the first to be grateful not so many have to suffer what she did.

The overkill on "healthy eating" drives me potty - make sure the lil darlings eat their greens and give em a spoonful of fish oil. Our Mums knew turkey twizzlers weren't the same as proper home cooked dinners. However they were taught to meal plan from scratch in domestic science instead of designing pizza packaging in food technology. My Gran was a great believer in eating a "rainbow" of fruit and veg whenever rationing allowed - what else do you need to know. That an apple is a better snack choice than a tube of black jacks isn't rocket science!

The rate of eating disorders amongst primary aged kids is soaring as result of the modern nanny state's constant interference. That we have rickets making a comeback due to kids never being allowed to play in the fresh air is a modern disgrace.

The proposed ban on smacking irritates the hell out of me. How have we as a society got to the point where we can't tell the difference between tapping a child's hand to stop them touching the hot stove and battering a kid?

We are in danger of raising a generation of entitled spoilt brats with the life skills of a Dodo. Sadly due to peak oil and globalisation todays kids are going to need more entrenpreneurial, pioneering creative spirits than ever before. They are being set up to fail.

There's nought so rare as common sense I tell ya and it seems to be in precious short supply these days!

Pfft@ fairshare on the swings you just bit and scratched your way to get your turn , where you would jump of at the highest point

I've also remembered that when our car got that back seat divider/arm rest....
I thought it would make a lovely higher up seat...got to use it that way too

No wonder my Dad was surprised when I turned down his offer to use my brother's 15 year old car seat( for DD)

"Nothing wrong with it" he said " "Its just been sitting in the attic"

my DH left the toilet seat up the other day.
turned out he was poorly and hadn't even realized.
(he always puts the seat and the lid down)

We used to play out on the street when I was a child. Just for fun, and we'd seen it on the telly.
Didn't need to, cos we had a huge back garden.

Just sayin'.

zukiecat i agree with you i too wish there was forums not thta the tnternet was invented when dd1 was a baby but the support and laughs are great can get people through the day or at least the cuppa they are drinking

They just didn't have the internet to share their grievances. My mum just seethed alone at home instead.

If we all turned out ok, why is the world such a fucked up place?

If people parented better, would we be happier and better off?

I think some problems are small and silly (eg my son ate a chicken nugget omg) but seriously, my parents were crap, and I now have mental health problems and crap self esteem.

x post, sorry.

I'm ok and I pretty much brought myself up with the help of various distracted older siblings!

I was very happy and secure in our small house which was overfilled with 6 people. I played alone a lot...got sent out to Brownies at 8 or so and chapel on a Sunday... and that was that. No playdates...I made my friends at school and played with them there. At high school I met girls from further afield and got the bus to see them and they did the same...we used to sit on the fence outside the chippy...no riding, dance or drama at all.

We had a good family holiday every year in a caravan in Cornwall or Wales.

I got a degree and have a great job. Well done my Mum and Dad!

yellow When I was at drama school, a teacher asked a class of 20 if they thought their parents had screwed them up...they all raised their hands bar me. I can't understand that..there is a LOT of resentment.

missbetsy you are right mums just seethed and fumed instead of ranting in type

Mind you, we didn't start full-time school at (potentially) four years and one day old, so our parents didn't need to worry about whether we should be doing half days instead.

And I'm not entirely sure that deep-fried spam as school dinners set up a lifetime of great eating habits.

And while, yes, I am here and survived I can think of several people I knew as children who aren't and didn't who might well still be here under modern regimes.

Mind you, my mother used to go and play on the ammo dump when she was a toddler. That's proper laissez-faire parenting for you...

I agree. My mum did all sorts and I turned out just fine.

S'long as you ignore the minor detail of me ending up in a homeless hostel with PTSD at 16 that is.

Think it depends what you mean by screwed up doesn't it?

I mean, I have personality disorder which is directly attributed to shitty parenting. It's hard not to be resentful, but I try.

There are lots of things I wish my parents had done differently. Not blaming them. Happy for you if you feel differently.

There's a massive difference between your parents not being very good and your parents abusing you though.

OP, YADNBU. Some of the things I read on here make me have to read again in disbelief. DS1 is 19 and things are so different even since then. Back then we had no childrens centres, no parenting groups and NCT was only for rich people. Powdered baby food was common place and stated 'from 3 months' front. I agree we are setting our kids up to be one of two things, either a nation of wimps with no idea how to look after or stand up for themselves, or they will rebel like crazy against the 'wrapped in cotton wool/pampered to death' upbringing.
In the 70's, my mum made a car seat for my brother, because we lived about an hours drive on the motorway, away from other family, which was virtually unheard of then. His 'carseat' consisted of a hard bodied carrycot wedged between the passenger seat and the back of the back seat with a pair of reins inside, he had a pillow and some toys in there and loved it because he could go to sleep or play if he wanted to, he used that till he was about 2 and a half, I on the other hand had nothing to hold me into the seat.

There's an old Chinese proverb -
Your parents ruin the first half of your life
Your Children ruin the second half

sigh. just about sums it all up really

I had a conversation with someone today who told me that she gets her daughter up for school, has her bath ran, makes the breakfast and packed lunch and then takes her accross the road to wait for the bus.

I was . I remember at that age, setting the alarm an hour early so I could wash my hair and carefully apply my makeup in peace. I would make my own breakfast get on my bike and cycle to school, along the abandoned river bank. I needed to leave early so that I didnt have the shame of being seen with my siblings

My mother would never have done anything for us on a morning. She was one of them that went to school with her coat over her pajamas.

I actually don't think the majority of people are as a paranoid as we think - as per this thread. So yes, there are some threads with someone coming on panicking because her PFB was given a chocolate age 6 at a party, but most people are reasonable. Similarly, every now and again you hear some crazy story of someone doing something ridiculous in the press, but it's in the press because it is so crazy/ridiculous/unusual.

I was worried when I had DS that my slightly more relaxed attitude would lead to be being shunned. But actually, I find that most people I know have a similar approach to me. I'm sure there are some crazy ones out there, but certainly they aren't in my extended group of friends (which includes old friends, new mum friends, and random acquintances I've met at baby groups and the like).