To think a freezer stocked with leftovers, and a £30 spend in H&M do not constitute an ' extravanagant lifestyle'

[watchoutforthatsnail]

According to my 25 year old, and still living at home brother, they do.
My sister, who is 29 and lives out of home, agrees about the freezer part.

Had a nice family lunch out for step dads birthday, slightly marred by a conversation turning to my brother thinking about moving out. It ended up being turned onto me. Im a single parent ( divorced) i work part time. and rent.
According to him, the reason i am ' always skint' is because i am bad a budgeting and live an extravagant lifesyle.

The proof of this is the freezer being fully stocked. ( with left overs) The fact that the freezer is just 3 draws as part of a fridge freezer and hardly the tardis is a moot point apparently.
Also, my £30 spend at H&M this month, as they offered me 15% off and i took advantage and picked up some spring things for DD who has outgrown everything ( compensating by eating for £15 that week, and thank fuck for the stocked freezer) is also proof that i am ' always buying things'

While i was accused of this, i was sat wearing a pair of jeans that are two years old ( and currently broken and i cant afford a new pair) a top that was 18 months old and was brought in a sale for £10 and a pair of boots also two years old. My coat is 3 years old.

Ended up in tears when i got home.

No it is not an extravagant lifestyle imo. But your clothes aren't particularly old either.

Tell em to eff orf. I would.

They are probably jealous of you living on your own, with the ability/forthought to ensure you have enough food tbh.

What an arse, sounds to me like you are doing well by providing for you and your daughter. Your lifestyle is not extravagant.

I think

A) he shouldn't judge as he is ill informed as he not in same or similar situation.
B) issues with him, classic tactic to deflect convo away from him and his ability or lack of to move out and provide for himself maybe? If he'd so good prove it!
C) it is not easy to manage on £15 worth of food, that requires planning and discipline everyday.
D) sounds jealous to me and he's talking out of his bottom

Bide your time and see how well he does when he moves out. You sound very organised and there is nothing wrong with that.

Well I don't think spending £30 on clothes for DD and having lots of food in the freezer constitute great extravagence - but I can see how your family might feel you should have different priorities if you are very strapped for cash. 15% off is not that great deal, and why spend extra money on food if you struggle for money in other areas?

You've listed the age of your clothes as if to prove that you never spend any money - but none of them actually seem particularly old to me (I'm also wearing 2 year old boots and a coat that is 5 years old and I wouldn't consider myself short of money- just dont' expect to buy new clothes every year). £10 sounds a fair bit to have spent on a top when you are struggling.

YANBU

You sound sensible with money and they are probably jealous of the fact that you are independent when apparently they cannot manage this.

why spend extra money on food if you struggle for money in other areas?

she isn't, it's leftovers!

Ignore. If you think they are being unfair then they're probably just trying to get a rise out of you. Just smile in future like they're bonkers.

My sister lives with her boyfriend, so she lives out. she always says she is skint, but they have just re do their living room, inc new sofas and hes just brought a brand new bwm. According to her, i shoud only keep what i intend to eat in the freezer.
Keeping more in it is why i am skint apparently.

So - pading out meals with extra veg or whatver and freezing the left overs for another day is bad planning?

I do budget, yes i am always skint. We dont go without ( in fact we do quite well) but im always skint. Its not bad planning its just i have little money.
I came away feeling awful and like i wasnt good enough.

I also had to pay for the meal and DD's meal - so twice the price of everyone elses, they all paid for their own. Me being the skintest one, having the pay the most and paying for two people. I had tried to cancel several times, because i said i couldnt afford to go, and was had a go at for being bad with money.
I dont actually get paid until tomorrow, they all got paid friday.

Not extravagant at all.

The only thing regarding those two things that you could save any more money on is by shopping for clothes in Charity shops (which I confess I do for my little one, because he's only in it for a couple of months before he gets too big, and I can get expensive brands in great condition for almost no money by doing so)

It doesn't sound extravagent, but your clothes are not old. I find that part of your post rather odd. I realised last summer that my "new" jeans had in fact been purchased in September 2007. And I am sitting here at work in boots that I know I bought in my last job, so some time before the end of 2006. I work in a City office and need to look smart and the boots pass muster. I earn a good salary and could afford a new pair of jeans or boots every month if I wanted but I prefer not to spend money on things I don't need.

Also - this month ive had all the yearly bills to pay, and its been several birthdays, including my dd's which i did a party for, swimming lessons, car tax, mot, bloody speeding fine. and various other extras.

ive managed.
Just

But ive managed.

I dont think my clothes are old either, just that their examples of me being out spending money on clothes every month are so very far wrong.

i dont smoke, i dont really drink, i dont do drugs, i dont gamble. I dont buy coffees or anything. I pretty much, on a day to day basis spend nothing, bar petrol to get to work.
That is not an extravanagant lifeystyle.

If you can't afford to eat out with them and they aren't very nice company then feign sickness at the last minute. Or just tell them to F off.

Why spend money on a meal with people who aren't supportive or understanding?

They sound horrible.
You are an adult - you dont have to answer to them.
I wouldnt even discuss my finances - its not any of their business!
I agree with the poster who said just smile and dont discuss .

Lets just see how your brother does when he leaves home, shall we? FFS I can't bear grown-up children still living off their parents who think they know about how the real world works.

You do seem to be very freezer-focussed in your family though I'm sure my DB or DM couldn't tell you what was in mine.

Everybody judges extravagance on a different scale. For some, a coat that is two years old is an old coat. But then you will get Mrs McFrugal come along and boast that her old coat is ten years old! But THEN along barges Mrs Thriftybastard who hasn't even got a coat and says that she lost her last coat in the war and the last spare money she had a was a thrupenny bit.

It's not about the facts at all. Don't mind yourself none with the game of who is the most poor. There's always someone who hasn't eaten since the years started with a two.

i know.
There was also an arguement about the summer hols. We are all camping together.
Ive booked ( after everyone agreeing) the weeks long camp. desposits need to be paid- thats fine, i can afford that.

We also want to go away another time, and because i cant afford two deposits on pay day ( my money comes in dribs and drabs throughout the month) but can later in the month, again, im rubbish. Im not. I just cant do an extra £50 until about the 10th off the month as opposed to the 1st of the month. esp when i just paid £30 for a meal out!

fucks me off.

why the fuck are you going on holiday with these people?

Huh? Freezers are supposed to be full of food.

A)They are more cost-effective if full
B) The entire point of a freezer is to store food long-term without waste.

Confusing, incoherent, jealousy-generated nonsense from your siblings.

Does your sister think that you'd get cash-back from the bin, if you threw the left-overs away?

giveyourselfashiny took the words out of my mouth!

Dont discuss your finances-they wont be able to pick holes/criticise you!

Say you can't go on the 2nd camping date due to work commitments (or because they are wankers) and do something nice with your DD instead.

You sound like me in that you won't fork out for something if you don't have the actual cash in the bank for it - this is wise. They obviously cannot comprehend this train of thought and think very differently.. that is thier problem not yours.

i think she thinks im over buying. which im clearly not if i can feed us ( yes, there is only two of us) pretty well, with no convienence food) for about £30- £35 per week.

There are always left overs, if im making a mince based meal, and then you pad it out with some courgettes, mushrooms, peppers, two tins of tomatoes, then you can make it stretch quite far. Plus dd is only 6. I cant see how it wouldnt make sense to freeze whats left for another day?

lol at the ' freezer obsessed' its just proof of my glam lifestyle, the frozen sponge cake than went a bit wrong and is left in the freezer for trifel, yeah, everyone wants that, its what we all aspire too :)

I think you need to step back a bit from your family if they are causing you such angst.

But YANBU, although I agree that your clothes are not that old. I'm wearing jeans bought 5 years ago, and a top bought 3 years ago, and slippers that are older than that. The coat I will put on later to go out is 5 years old, the newest thing will be my boots that I bought last winter.

Ah, the perennial plonkers who think that they afford consumer goods by economising on food, and that's what others should do.

Reality 1: other people are feeding the plonkers.

Reality 2: you should not be economising on children's food for a three-piece suite. Want to do that for yourself, as an adult? Nobody cares. But don't fecking tell parents to do the same.

Surely a freezer full of leftovers is a sign that you're frugal? .

I agree your clothes don't sound particularly old, but doesn't seem like you're being particularly extravagant either. And obviously you need to buy things for your DD if she's outgrowing the old stuff, how can they possibly criticise that? What else can you do?

Anyway it's your money and up to you how you choose to spend it, they're quite rude to make comments like that. None of their business really.