To think a freezer stocked with leftovers, and a £30 spend in H&M do not constitute an ' extravanagant lifestyle'

[watchoutforthatsnail]

According to my 25 year old, and still living at home brother, they do.
My sister, who is 29 and lives out of home, agrees about the freezer part.

Had a nice family lunch out for step dads birthday, slightly marred by a conversation turning to my brother thinking about moving out. It ended up being turned onto me. Im a single parent ( divorced) i work part time. and rent.
According to him, the reason i am ' always skint' is because i am bad a budgeting and live an extravagant lifesyle.

The proof of this is the freezer being fully stocked. ( with left overs) The fact that the freezer is just 3 draws as part of a fridge freezer and hardly the tardis is a moot point apparently.
Also, my £30 spend at H&M this month, as they offered me 15% off and i took advantage and picked up some spring things for DD who has outgrown everything ( compensating by eating for £15 that week, and thank fuck for the stocked freezer) is also proof that i am ' always buying things'

While i was accused of this, i was sat wearing a pair of jeans that are two years old ( and currently broken and i cant afford a new pair) a top that was 18 months old and was brought in a sale for £10 and a pair of boots also two years old. My coat is 3 years old.

Ended up in tears when i got home.

I dont have a credit card. I dont have anyone i can loan any money from, so if i dont have the money, i dont have it. Simple as.

Im the bloody queen of budgeting, we went on holiday 5 times last year, lots of days out ( year passes for presents) lots of concerts ( again, present money) So on the surface maybe it looks quite different?

But to be told im extravangant and am skint because i cant budget was highly offensive, esp from someone who pays £50 a week rent ( all in inc bills and food) and refuses to move out becuse he wouldnt want to struggle and wants to keep his two cars and going out several times a week!

YANBU. Your brother clearly has no idea how the real world works, which is quite shocking for a person a quarter of a century old. I assume he doesn't do a lot of food shopping or pay a lot of rent - he probably thinks he can get by for a lot less than he actually can!

£30 is quite a lot to spend on non-essential clothes if you're skint, but if you just spent less money on food, it's no big deal and certainly not extravagant.

Actually sounds like your brother is just trying to turn attention away from his own extravagant/sponging lifestyle.

Just ignore if you can, don't let it get to you. You know you're behaving responsibly and not doing anything wrong.

It doesn't sound to me that you have an extravagent lifestyle at all. However even if you did it would be your business and no one else's, so tell your family to butt out.

I think they can fuck off. But if you do want to talk to them and explain your position, you can always tell them that your child needed clothes. You both need to eat. Ask them what they think is more expensive, defrosting something and topping it up with vegetables (which are relatively cheap) or buying new.

I also freeze leftovers (and food that's being sold off cheap because it's about to go out of date) and often have a full freezer. I don't understand the comment that you should only keep frozen what you intend to eat ? presumably you intend to eat it all, just not at the same time, hence the freezer. If I were you I'd ask for an explanation of that comment. If I felt like talking to the commenter at all.

Oh, and for Christ's sake don't stress about paying the deposit on the second holiday! I wouldn't go if I were you.

They sound very judgy, so whatever you do would not be enough!

FWIW I think you sound pretty good with money and very practical. Please don't give yourself a hard time.

Well, it is clear that he has never run a house otherwise he would know that a full freezer saves you money.

If you have to see them don't share information about your life, just very general chat.

5 holidays? 5 holidays? I am indecisive as to whether I am jealous or baffled. I am assuming that's camping and what have you?

Your freezer contents count as batch cooking in my house, and not leftovers. It's more economical to cook one big batch of something and freeze the rest. I do this as there are days when I can't be arsed to cook, and can just pull something out of the freezer that is home made, and heat it through.

I also have freezer months when we have large/unexpected bills to pay. I just buy milk, fruit, veg and bread, and packed lunch stuff for ds, and I use the meat/fish in the freezer to do meals. It may get a bit repetitive, but it clears out the freezer and finds all those cartons of stuff I've stashed and forgotten about.

Everyone runs their finances differently, and it is no business of theirs how you do yours. If you are not asking them for money, then what is it to them how you run your life?

Your all a bunch of wastrels. I brush the dog and my cats daily and weave my clothes from their hair, which then lasts me at least 20 years, ffs.

Explain to them that children grow, so therefore need new clothes and being human you both need to eat every day.

Also, It depends on were you buy your clothes from, i buy cheaper for every day and replace them more often, but i have dresses from Coast etc that i have bought on Ebay and put away to wear again.

It doesn't matter how frugal you are, if you haven't got enough coming in, you are sometimes going to be skint.

yep - 5 holidays.
One was at lego land ( nice hotel - booked under an amazing deal)
2 were camping
1 was in a caravan ( again, amazing deal, shared with another family, 4 nights cost me £75 - inc the dog)
1 was in a travel lodge. - lol, classy.

Maybe not ' holidays' but to us they were, they were a few nights away from home having fun' All paid for, all done on the cheap - pretty much everything done with a discount code, food on the cheap - picnics and such)

Doesnt have to be expensive - if you know how to budget, which i do, which is why i was so fucked off.

I will book the other camping - but not until i can afford it ( the whole camping is only £45. so a £30 deposit pretty much pays for the whole thing, and it that site doesnt have spaces, we will find another that does) i also dont have all the extras to pay for this month.

OP it sounds as though you are giving your DD a really good life and doing the best you can, especially considering your circumstances. I would start to set bounderies with your family.

thank you birds i think so. In half term ive got a week off and we will do a time travel event at a castle ( year english heritage pass, booked when it was 15 months for the price of 12, plus our trip on that days ticket off the price - under £50 for the both of us, and i can take 9 children in on that price)
A local ( and posh, on tv farm) years pass, which we were given free. Cinema outting ( paid for by tesco clubcard)
Plus a few little things, maybe a picnic in the car and a scooter along the prom and an ice cream.
just small things, all done on the cheap.

I fucking try hard, i dont have much money, im never going to have much, not becase im crap, just because this is the current situation i find myself in. i do the best with what i have.

Except they all clearly think im shit and i just left feeling that im failing and crap because i dont have enough disposable income because they think im rubbish with what i do have.

In a way you do have disposable income, you are spending it on having quality days out and holidays with your DD. I am a it of the 'life's for living' school of thought, which is what you are doing.

Life expectations have changed, days out are now part of our lifestyle and they need to be. Where i used to go blackberry picking are now housing estates etc.

To be honest, would they criticise you if you were saving, but going nowhere with your DD?

I would be quite clear that you are not going to be critised for needing to budget. I have had these arguements with childless/living at home relatives. Unless you are constantly asking to lend money, or neglecting your child's needs, other people have no right to comment.

oh - i do have disposable income. Not much, but some. It could be far worse than it is. I usually have about £ 80- £120 per month to play about with, which isnt too bad. Obviously i would like it to be more, but who doesnt.
Things are always paid for, we dont go without, i dont borrow money from them.
We are off to london in a few weeks. I supose this might look ' extravangant'. train tickets were purchased on a deal, and paid for with my dd's birthday money ( its her birthday trip/ present) We are going to the natural history museum ( currently in the middle of a dinsoaur obsession) Sandwiches will be packed, drinks taken, maybe £30 spending money at the very limit)

The only thing they seem to take offence at is, that i dont always have disposable cash to hand, it is budgeted, so, if i have spent that £120, which i had this month, then thats it. There is no more. I cannot magic money out of thin air.
I dont get all my money in one go, its all comes in at different points of the month, and goes out at differnt points of the month, handy to ensure i always have money for food and petrol, not so handy if somone wants you to pay £30 for a camping trip and you dont have that spare that week.

Clearly my brother has no clue.
and is a twat

What do they think you should have in your freezer ?

I cannot imagine a situation where my brother (similar to yours) would even know what the jeff was in my freezer. Does he check?
Anyway, clearly he is bonkers as a full freezer costs less to run and leftovers are the pipplemost of thriftiness. So yah to him.

I think you maybe need to limit the amount of time you spend with these people tbh.

i had no idea before this conversation that either of them had a clue of what was in my freezer. i can only think they are snoops.

My sister, who lives with her dp - no children. has one of those massive american type freezers. In it is a loaf of bread and some milk. Nothing else. They dont have left overs apparently or they eat them for lunch)

My brother lives at home and doesnt do the shopping. ( or any house chores) My mother has the worlds largest chest freezers, you know, they old fashioned type. It is full to the brim. Lord knows whats at the bottom. possibly a phesant that was shot in 1984?

Honestly, you sound like you're doing a brilliant job with what you have. More power to you. What I can't work out is why you let your family wind you up as much as they clearly do?

probably because they made me feel totally inadequate.

they sound bonkers. And can I just say, OP, that your posts have really cheered me up - we don't have much money at all, and DD is very little right now but I worry about how we will make sure she has lots of fun when she is older (plus keeping my two older stepchildren entertained). You have given me lots of inspiration. Ignore them, carry on as you are; though I'd probably spend the money for the second holiday on a holiday for just you and DD...

Watchoutforthatsnail, on the one hand I admire you for sticking to your budget. On the other hand I am a bit narked that you made me take stock of the ages of my clothing and I was forced to accept my 'smart' black trousers were bought from Dotty Ps in 2003 and therefore may not be that 'smart' any more!

YANBU

Why not go on your 2nd holiday with friends instead of relatives? Another single parent with dd the same age?

And can I win the oldest clothes comp please - my top came dates back to 1987, but I love it. (But jeans are only a year old and the socks and knickers are new!)

Heavens I think that you need some away from family time!

You all seem to know waaay too much about each other!

Isn´t uneconomical to have a less than full freexer?

Or not in these days of high efficiency gadgets?

Also the money off at H&M-only a saving if it´s stuff you would have bought anyway & managed to get it for less iyswim.

I would agree that your clothes aren´t old.

I´ve been out of the UK for more than 10 yrs, but with the exception of underwear, most of my clothes are things that came across with me.

They are inadequate - sounds like they need to boost their self esteem by criticizing you .Dont let them ,you sound like you are doing great