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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that DH should pump the petrol?

83 replies

tyler80 · 30/01/2012 09:34

OH Doesn't drive, i think that it's only fair that he gets out the car and stands in the cold and puts petrol in the car when he's with me. he says it's always the drivers job. Who's right?

OP posts:
CurrySpice · 30/01/2012 10:50

Driver fills in our house. Although DP will often offer if I'm driving but it's cold

Cabrinha · 30/01/2012 10:51

PushyDad, why are you going on about 'women' thinking petrol is a man's job, when the replies here are mostly 'driver' or 'whoever'? Nit one of the replies has said it's a man's job. Please don't generalise your issues in your own relationship.
Similarly, emasculating not to drive? WTAF?
If you think it makes a man a man to drive, then why WOULDNT you think they should also be in charge of the oh-so-masculine job of petrol filling?
You do know that single women don't call their dad or brother whenver they need to go somewhere, or fill up the car?
Rumour has it, some of these women even own their own cars y'know! (which tbh I have mixed views on - right to own property? They'll want the right to vote next!)
the only men who find women driving emasculating, are idiots . Fact.

PushyDad · 30/01/2012 10:53

katandkit - Nothing should be inferred from the fact that I drive a small 1.4 hatch :)

I don't think of a car as a penis symbol hence my humble Honda. But call me a cave man but a guy should:

a) not be living with his parents pass Uni age.
b) be reasonably ambitious
d) AND should be able to drive.

A female friend married such a guy and she was always complaining how she had to delay having a family because they couldn't afford it coz DH was happy in his low paid dead end job. She failed her driving test several times so she was seriously wound up by the fact that he wouldn't even try to learn. As a result, they had to go everywhere by bus. And did I mention, he was living with his parents up to the point where they got married (aged 29).

She married him for his UK passport so I didn't have too much sympathy for her.

JerichoStarQuilt · 30/01/2012 10:53

Sorry tyler, didn't mean to give you the third degree about it! Blush

cab - spot on.

JerichoStarQuilt · 30/01/2012 10:55

pushy the OP has already explained her partner is not medically allowed to drive. Don't you think your attitude must make people like him feel rotten?

And it doesn't excuse your nasty comments about women on a thread where no-one was the least bit rude to you.

PushyDad · 30/01/2012 11:00

Cabrinha - Where do I say it is the man's job to drive and not the woman's? Stop projecting.

I was making a GENERAL comment about women in GENERAL as opposed to specific posters. How often do we read about women complaining that a man didn't offer up their seat on a train/bus or didn't open the door for them or .. or..

JerichoStarQuilt · 30/01/2012 11:04

Oh, so it's ok to be rude about women 'in general'? How the fuck do you think that makes us feel?

No one has said anything at all about men not offering seats or opening doors, I don't know where you are getting that from.

PushyDad · 30/01/2012 11:04

And please note where I said unless there was a medical reason for not being able to drive.

As for being nasty to other posters, forgive me for interupting the group bitch about partners that don't do their share.

JerichoStarQuilt · 30/01/2012 11:07

It's not 'unless' then, is it?! It is a fact he is medically unable to drive.

And you happily joined in complaining about partners not doing their share, and I for one sympathized until I realized you just wanted to have a go at all women in general.

It makes me very glad I am married to my lovely DH and not you, and very glad he doesn't imagine driving gives him some kind of free pass to be rude.

redpanda13 · 30/01/2012 11:12

Driver's job to fill up the car. I always fill my car up though my passenger is DD 99% of the time. On the rare occasion I have an adult passenger I will give them the money and ask them to pick up juice/sweets/crisps too.
I had once went on a couple of dates and I was not too sure about him. He got in my car and turned off the CD saying that my music taste was terrible. He then started to fiddle about with my radio as he did not like the stations it was pre-set to. I stopped car and ordered him out. Lucky for him we had not driven too far from his house! My car, my music, my petrol!

Cabrinha · 30/01/2012 11:31

Pushydad, 'projecting'? Waaaah - did you read a self help book or take an evening class in intro to psychobabble? You have made me chuckle.
You said men want to drive.
Tbf though, on a re-read you did say it was you who felt emasculated not driving, not all men.
Do you REALLY feel emasculated by this? Perhaps your wife knows or senses this and thinks she's helping you feel better by letting you do the petrol filling? Or maybe she's just lazy.
But please - stop projecting stereotypes about EITHER gender.

OP - sorry, I think I read your post as a bit more serious than you intended it to be! I get the 6yo 'everyone agrees with me thing' - sorry if I took it too seriously! (snowboots for you both on Valentine's Day?!)

Blu · 30/01/2012 11:32

"Our local garages wont turn the pump on if the driver stays in their seat and the passenger pumps, to make sure they don't make offwith the petrol"

That makes sense.
Also, re the tiredness issue, on long tiring journeys I think it essential that the driver get out, stretch legs, get fresh air etc, so shouldn#t sit slumped in seat while the tank gets filled.

If we had the old garages that filled up for you, we'd still have too get out and pay, but wouldn't have hands all mucky.

thereonthestair · 30/01/2012 11:32

My Dh can't drive, if we are together he always puts the petrol in. He sees it as his job and always has. I tend to pay but its a joint account so the same money. I hate putting petrol in. Dh is fine without driving, and thinks its greatas he can always drink

everlong · 30/01/2012 12:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OrmIrian · 30/01/2012 12:25

I think you should take it in turns. I hate putting petrol in the car. Usually if DH is with me he does it and I go in and pay.

ExitPursuedByaBear · 30/01/2012 13:00

I go to a garage where a nice young man comes out and fills up my gas guzzling 4 x 4 whilst I pop in and have a chat with the owner and read the front pages of the red tops. Problem solved.

Although if DH and I are out and about and the car needs filling, he would always get out and fill regardless of who was driving.

Fireandashes · 30/01/2012 22:05

If we're out together I drive pretty much 100% of the time, I put petrol in 100% of the time. My husband does sometimes offer, usually when it's raining, and while I appreciate his offer I almost always decline but it would never occur to me to expect him to offer, to consider him lazy for not always offering or to make a gender issue out of it (!) My car, me driver, my responsibility.

Tbh if I noticed a woman sitting in the driver's seat while her male companion put petrol in the car, as much as I thought about it at all I'd be more inclined to think she was a silly little airhead who couldn't put petrol in her own car. But then I'm quite judgy about people at petrol stations in general - don't get me started on drivers who can only use the pump on the same side as their petrol cap...

foglike · 30/01/2012 22:18

Was I the only one who read "Pump the petrol" as a euphemism Blush

JasperJohns · 30/01/2012 22:22

I have an irrational dislike of putting petrol in the car.

I spent a lovely year in Oz where the petrol pump staff did it for you.

Lueji · 30/01/2012 23:12

Ex used to pump and I would go and pay.
Preferably so that I'd start paying as soon as he stopped pumping, so minimal wait.

GashInTheAttic · 31/01/2012 01:37

I ^always* make DP fill cos then he has to pay.

GashInTheAttic · 31/01/2012 01:38

Bollocks...

always

noblegiraffe · 31/01/2012 07:19

Good grief in what world is putting petrol in the car such a grueling and time-consuming task that people need to ruthlessly enforce turn-taking, otherwise their partner is taking the piss and being lazy?

I drive, my DH doesn't. Not only does he play no part in the maintenance or upkeep of my car, but I wouldn't expect him to. It's my car.

MoreBeta · 31/01/2012 07:37

I don't drive and I don't know how to fill a car. I think I could learn though.

Whirliwig72 · 31/01/2012 07:43

As a relatively new driver - passed last year in March - I still enjoy the novelty of filling up so would actually discourage my passengers from doing it. The smell is gorgeous! If it bothers you, insist that you'll have complete control of the radio for the remaining journey if he doesn't lend a hand. Then bombard him with scissor sisters!