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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that DH should pump the petrol?

83 replies

tyler80 · 30/01/2012 09:34

OH Doesn't drive, i think that it's only fair that he gets out the car and stands in the cold and puts petrol in the car when he's with me. he says it's always the drivers job. Who's right?

OP posts:

JerichoStarQuilt · 30/01/2012 10:04

Well, it is tough on him that he is not allowed to drive. But assuming he is fit to fill the car up, yes he should. Do you think he feels there are other jobs he does that balance out this job of driving being your responsibility? That's the only excuse I can see TBH and otherwise he does come across as a bit of a wanker since most couples like to help each other.

OlympicEater · 30/01/2012 10:05

It would bother me because I am lazy so I would be telling him that if he can't be arsed to put petrol in then I wouldn't be driving him around [petty]

HellonHeels · 30/01/2012 10:06

Puts me in mind of the time I was putting air in the car tyres on a freezing, sleeting day, with DH sitting happily in the passenger seat.

A white van pulled in and the male driver gave DH a disgusted look :o

I'm the only driver and also the only petrol-filler, tyre-airer and car cleaner. I'd love it if DH manned up and did some of this but I've got bigger things to dispute with him. It is however symptomatic of his overall laziness.

Kayano · 30/01/2012 10:09

Drivers job

Cabrinha · 30/01/2012 10:12

Jericho, lazy as she seemed to expect him to do it ALL the time. Maybe it's because I don't see how driving is a chore? It would never occur to me that I had worked harder than OH because I drove. Passenger, driver - both roles are sitting around on your arse!! Do people see driving as a chore then? I definitely think filling up should be 50/50 - but unless I read it wrong, OP wanting H to always do it.
I think that whatever the situation, it's a bit random to go asking for the answer on here.
Be different if she said 'OH refused after I asked him to share duties, AIBU to think that my car does not = my job'.
Just tell him!

Cabrinha · 30/01/2012 10:14

If anything, for a longer drive I prefer to do it when driving, as it's a bit of a leg stretch opportunity, and some fresh air.

PushyDad · 30/01/2012 10:14

My wife's position is that I pump, regardless of who the driver is. A poster said that the OP and OH probably have bigger issues. Well, we definitely do :(

JerichoStarQuilt · 30/01/2012 10:18

Driving not a chore?! It is tiring - I know some people enjoy it (I do), but you do have to concentrate, don't you? He is able to sleep and she is not. You get all the signs saying 'tiredness can kill - take a break' - I think most people would agree it is tiring, wouldn't they?

I agree though that he should not have to do it every time - that just seems a bit annoying since he obviously dislikes it.

Frankly it sounds as if there is much more to it than this.

JerichoStarQuilt · 30/01/2012 10:19

pushy - tell her to get off her arse then!

(Soul of diplomacy, me )

redridingwolf · 30/01/2012 10:26

I don't drive, and it has never occurred to me to get out and fill the car with petrol at the pump! I'd have no idea how to do it. Now I quite like the idea, but think I'd feel a bit of a fool having a lesson in how to do it :)

Original poster

tyler80 · 30/01/2012 10:28

all the time he is in the car, =about 50% of the time

it's not a huge deal just curious how other people split it

and it's one of those things i hate doing, now if we had those nice pumps where you can lock the switch on like they have in the states then it would bother me less

OP posts:

Cabrinha · 30/01/2012 10:30

Jericho, I'm with you that there is more to it - and think your style of diplomacy is spot on!
I think doing a long drive (the tiredness can kill type!) is a chore for many - though I prefer driving, and don't mind it at all.
But - maybe I have assumed wrongly - this seemed to me to be 'all the time' - so I guessed that'd be everyday driving. Whilst I agree you have to be alert, I really don't see it as a chore, to be evened out with something else being done in return. I suppose I also see it as something you'd be doing anyway. My view might change if I was ONLY driving because I was, say, pickng OH up from a night out.

ComposHat · 30/01/2012 10:31

I really can't see an issue. It is a two minute relatively undemanding job. It wouldn't cross my mind for anyone other than the driver to do it. (and I say that as a partner of a non driver.)

OlympicEater · 30/01/2012 10:31

Jericho - completely agree.

Thankfully DH always prefers to drive, and always wants to drive his car so he always does the petrol. He also takes mine out to fill it up for me if he sees it is low when he does his weekly car checks, but he is otherwise very spoilt

PushyDad · 30/01/2012 10:35

Jericho - I wish I had the balls :)

Why do women harp on about how a relationship is an equal partnership with no gender specific roles but when it suits them, its the guy's job to take out the rubbish/recycleables and to pump petrol.

I personally believe that it is the driver's job to pump petrol IF both are drivers which is not the OP's scenario. I think he should be made the permanent Official Petrol Filler.

Is the fact that he doesn't drive a Sign? This is of course assuming that there is no medical reason for it. I mean, all guys want to drive, don't they? I would find it a bit emasculating not being able to drive. So if OH doesn't want to learn to drive, as opposed to not being able to, then this, at least to me, is a Sign born out by his petty refusal not to pump petrol.

JerichoStarQuilt · 30/01/2012 10:37

Thanks cabrinha!

I suspect we are similar in liking driving - but I do sympathize with the OP as I do wish my DH would learn so it wasn't always me turning out. But I am mostly just taken aback by a partner who refuses point blank when he knows he will never share the driving.

Olympic - yes, that's what I think a partnership is about, isn't it?! You like each other so you do favours for each other (or ideally anyhow).

Rhiana1979 · 30/01/2012 10:38

I drive DH doesn't. I put in the petrol, why should he??

I pay at the pump so no need for him to go in and pay.

KatAndKit · 30/01/2012 10:38

Emasculating? Since when did a driving license become some sort of penis symbol? It's a method of transport for fucks sake.

JerichoStarQuilt · 30/01/2012 10:39

Cross posted.

Pushy, I'm a bit offended by that comment, did I say something to upset you or are you just having a go at women for the sake of it?

ChunkyPickle · 30/01/2012 10:40

I normally put the petrol in, whether I'm driving or not, just out of habit. If I asked then DP would do it though.

Oh... and you can get diesel into a petrol car - you just have to be determined......... On the bright side, if it's only a little bit you can top up with petrol and carry on, if a lot then a tank pump out (done on the forecourt, quick and easy once they arrive) and refill and you're good again.

eurochick · 30/01/2012 10:44

I drive, my husband doesn't. I pump the petrol about 90% of the time, although he offers to do it a bit more often than that. Usually whoever isn't pumping will go in and queue up to pay. Running costs come out of the joint account.

Pushy most people have said that the OP isn't right. I certainly don't think it is a "man's job". I had a car and filled it with petrol regularly for many years before I met my husband.

Original poster

tyler80 · 30/01/2012 10:45

to be fair to him i love the fact that he has no problem with being driven round by a female despite others insinuating he's less of a man for this,it bothers me more than him when people say this

OP posts:

rollerballs · 30/01/2012 10:46

DH does the petrol and anything car-related. I don't drive and I don't want to, and I think the car is a boy toy waste of money as we managed well enough with the tube and buses for years. If the car is your thing and OH gets nothing out of it, I don't see why he should take part in any chores related to it.

JerichoStarQuilt · 30/01/2012 10:49

I'm really shocked anyone says that at all, tyler. No one's ever said that in my hearing, not even the men at the garage, and I've been driving DH around since before we were married.

People are twits.

Original poster

tyler80 · 30/01/2012 10:50

and this post was prompted by nothing more than being a bit bored and it being minus figures when i filled the car up this morning

why ask here? so i can act like a six year old and say everyone agrees with me (or not as the case may be)

OP posts:

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