She wants to bring her own food to the dinner I am cooking?!?!?!

[MumofAurelia]

ffs!
To set the scene, I cook, a lot, some of it for profit, cooking dinner parties for people. I have never, ever had a complaint and have lots of repeat business. I especially love cooking for my friends, we all chip in, they challenge me to make something tricky, it is something we have done for about 20 years as it saves us lots of money on restaurant bills.

One friend, who is turning 40, has asked me to cook a Thai meal for our group of friends, we have been good friends since 11, holidayed together, are godparents for each others kids, executors for each others parents wills etc etc. Siblings rather than mates really and it is a lovely thing.
One of the group has a much older girlfriend, she never, ever comes out if any of the ones who have kids is there (her own, totally understandable self protection reasons)
But she says that she is coming to this meal, which tbh would be nice as she is really good fun and my friend loves her dearly. I am going to cook for 12, there are 3 meat, 3 fish, 3 vegetarian dishes plus rice on the menu which has been published to everyone to make sure the favourites are on there. One of the reasons for selecting Thai is that it is something we all like, the veg dishes selected are ones she orders when out.
But I now have a message, via someone else in the group that she will bring her own food, so I don't have to make a special effort for her. Apart from not eating meat or fish she has no allergies we know about.

AIBU to be insulted? AIBUto think she should eat what I cook? AIBU to bother with the silly cow at all as she probably won't turn up anyway? AIBU to think she is just fucking rude?!?!?!

Criky though. Hope she doesn't find out that everyone else has been discussing this. If she's got food issues and MH problems it's not going to help her if everyone else is watching and talking about it.

Imagine the moment now when you're all at the table and she brings out her food. If she thought she might be subtle about it that moment has passed.

She's just on a restricted diet according to the OP. No particular food or MH issues. Just a restricted diet.

I do hope that she's on the FB discussion too or she would be totally embarrassed that her diet was being bandied about and discussed in detail behind her back by the 11 dinner guests.

There is an element of impoliteness here. The 'guest' bringing her own food should have told the host (or the cook if she is included in the organisation) that she is bringing her own. Perhaps the person who told the cook that someone will bring her own food is the birthday boy?

MumofAurelia, given things are a bit clearer now I think you're right not to bring it up, still maybe offer an ear to her dp discreetly if you can, but it sounds like he, and hopefully her, would benefit from a fairly normal night without feeling like it's an issue.

In your defence I don't think a discreet word passed around the group would have been a bad idea, people generally do better with a bit of warning.

I wonder if it would be helpful for her if the food was served as a buffet away from the main table? People popping up and down would make it a lot easier for her to eat her own food discreetly and also leave for a few minutes if she felt the need?

It all sounds so complicated it can't be any more so for her to bring some food along surely?

Since when has being on a diet meant 'food issues'?

Really OP, I think the only issue here is with you.

I get you like cooking and are probably used to being complimented on it all the time.

But that doesn't give you the right to control the guests at the party.

Just cook for those who want you to and enjoy the evening...allowing this lady to enjoy hers the way she chooses to.

We don't know if the guest had talked to the host before hand, but he is fully aware of the situation per the FB discussion.

Sounds to me like a rude, self-obsessed silly cow. Her problem, not yours. If all the other guests know you're an excellent cook, it won't be you who's getting the funny looks on the night. Probably nothing you can do, but don't take it personally. If you get on well with her, can't hurt to have a quiet word, along the lines of "X has said you're bringing your own - is there anything I can do so you don't have to; it's no trouble as I'm cooking lots of different things anyway."

Op said another friend was making sure there was something of the menu for everyone, the lady who wants her own food probably told her to pass on the message.

Do you mean like one step away from Anorexia?

"Food issues like not eating hardly anything at all at the moment"

I think YABU.

Perhaps she is on a diet, and one was to control the amount she eats is to bring her own.

Perhaps she has IBS - I do and I spend all last night in pain as I was out for lunch at a friends and ate food I shouldn't as that was the main course, I wish I had the conviction to say I'll bring my own. Lots of things trigger my ibs but its not always predictable, and sometimes don't want to share bowel issues with strangers.

I think ok to call and ask.

Anyone with food issues or allergies should bring their own food imho then they can relax and just enjoy the company.

My DS (nut allergy) rarely eats food anyone else has prepared, no matter how much those people assure him they have taken every precaution etc. He feels his safety is his own responsiblity, not someone else's.

I agree, be kind to this friend and allow her to relax and enjoy her own food.