She wants to bring her own food to the dinner I am cooking?!?!?!

[MumofAurelia]

ffs!
To set the scene, I cook, a lot, some of it for profit, cooking dinner parties for people. I have never, ever had a complaint and have lots of repeat business. I especially love cooking for my friends, we all chip in, they challenge me to make something tricky, it is something we have done for about 20 years as it saves us lots of money on restaurant bills.

One friend, who is turning 40, has asked me to cook a Thai meal for our group of friends, we have been good friends since 11, holidayed together, are godparents for each others kids, executors for each others parents wills etc etc. Siblings rather than mates really and it is a lovely thing.
One of the group has a much older girlfriend, she never, ever comes out if any of the ones who have kids is there (her own, totally understandable self protection reasons)
But she says that she is coming to this meal, which tbh would be nice as she is really good fun and my friend loves her dearly. I am going to cook for 12, there are 3 meat, 3 fish, 3 vegetarian dishes plus rice on the menu which has been published to everyone to make sure the favourites are on there. One of the reasons for selecting Thai is that it is something we all like, the veg dishes selected are ones she orders when out.
But I now have a message, via someone else in the group that she will bring her own food, so I don't have to make a special effort for her. Apart from not eating meat or fish she has no allergies we know about.

AIBU to be insulted? AIBUto think she should eat what I cook? AIBU to bother with the silly cow at all as she probably won't turn up anyway? AIBU to think she is just fucking rude?!?!?!

Crisp

I don't think I've been vitriolic, but starting a post with ffs and calling someone who she says is nice and fun "a silly cow" is a bit over the top. IMO

OK one quick thought - she may have had a gastic band fitted that no-one knows about and can only digest certain textures.

Yep - that's me!

Although I wouldn't bring my own stuff, I'd decline the invite

Has it occured to you that maybe you're the one with the problem?

Cooking for other people is clearly A Big Deal for you, and perhaps she just can't be arsed with your 'feeder' neuroses/ego-stroking?

No offence

MrsSchadenfreude I totally get the parental over protection thing, but it is hard to swallow isn't it.. I have the same thing with sil, bil has coeliacs, when he comes here he eats the gluten free food I prepare, if sil comes she lectures me and won't let him eat it. sigh

To those that say speak to her, will try, but i think I don't want to. A conversation with the host that has being going on fb tonight has made it sound like there is a massive food issue going on which I honestly didn't have a clue was there. feel really bad

Oh dear

Does the fb conversation include her? That's even more sad

Noooo don't speak to you. You aren't the host, it's not your issue.

Oh MrsSchadenfreude didn't check and hadn't finished the sentence! Sorry, what I meant to go on to say is that it is hard when you try so hard and get treated like an idiot. X

YABU. She may have very good reasons that she prefers not to discuss. Best to give her the benefit of the doubt, instead of deciding to reach a negative conclusion.

OriginalJamie hell, no! That would be horrible!
I'm going now, I feel a cow for venting, if I ever saw her anymore I'd have known. She doesn't come out with the group if the parents are there as it is too painful for her, consequently I am 3 years out of date

You could always approach it through the host or her dp and make it clear if there are any issues you can work with you will try your best to make her comfortable.

Failing that, at least now you know it's not your cooking that's put her off and she isn't just trying to be difficult.

Oh, before I go, I cook because of the £ saving thing, most of us can't afford the restaurant bills, it is cheaper this way.
Possibly I am a feeder tho :0

I wouldn't approach her, that might just make her feel awkward. If you want to approach anyone, speak to her partner and ask if there's anything you can provide to make it easier for her. Other than that, just leave it and encourage everyone else not to comment on what she is and isn't eating, and don't try to persuade her to try stuff.

Just leave her be and enjoy the other things about her company.

Let it slide. You;ve still got loads of people to enjoy your food. So what if some no-mates wants to eat a frozen pizza in the corner?

p.s. My DC have a handful of friends with allergies. Attitudes vary from 'do you mind if I just check the packet' to 'I'm afraid we'll be leaving at 11.30 as I can't be sure whether the highchair/table are contaminated with allergic food residues'. (And the former has much more serious multiple allergies). It is a lot of work to cook for special diets- I deep clean my kitchen and prepare the allergy food entirely separately - but, for me, it's quite a pleasure to be able to offer this little boy food that 'looks' the same as all the other DC, which makes it all worthwhile.

Be grateful you can get 11 out of 12 people to eat Thai. I have wonderful friends, but when we're altogether there is almost nothing which we can eat. No seafood, nothing cold, nothing raw, no pork, no nuts, no sultanas, must be hot, can't be hot, no fruit with meat, if cheese then only gouda, ...
And one of the gang randomly goes on shakes for a week to stay thin.

Last weekend I made pizza dough, and everyone got a corner and did their own thing. I love cooking, and have so many recipes I'm hankering to try out, it's so exasperating!

Goodness why does this matter to you??

It's up to her what she eats

Maybe you have a reputation for being a bit precious when someone doesn't like your food? I mean if she ordered food in a restaurant and decided she didn't like it, she could either send it back or leave it.

As she can't do that at the Birthday meal, I expect she's being careful.

I think life is way too short for this kind of thing to get to you. Just enjoy having her there as company.

You are NOT a cow.

You have been very graceful

YABU it's her problem, not yours. It has nothing to do with your cooking.

AIBU to be insulted? Yes - why should it be about you?

AIBU to think she should eat what I cook? Yes. You have no idea what her reason is. My money is on special diet, especially as it's that time of year.

AIBU to bother with the silly cow at all as she probably won't turn up anyway? What makes you think that she won't?

AIBU to think she is just fucking rude?!?!?! I wouldn't know about her, but you certainly come over that way.

I was going to say why dont you just ask what the issue is, but just read your post about Fb conversation. What kind of "food issues"?

Lesson learned. Wait until you know all the facts before calling other people silly cows or it could be embarrassing.

I was going to say if everyone chips in to cover the cost, she brings her own food but maybe still eats your offering then that would annoy me if I was the cook or a guest... But as this is being paid for by the birthday boy then it shouldn't matter if she brings her own. She may try some of your stuff and love it!
I wouldn't worry if I were you.

(nicks this idea for me and my friends)

Food issues like not eating hardly anything at all at the moment and confining herself to a very restricted diet. I can see why she needs some control of things

I am surprised that her live-in DP doesn't know her about restricted diet. He does live with her, right?

Well, Thai food does not agree with me at all, there is something in it that makes me very, very sick. This is as a result of a medical condition that I have, I am unable to digest certain types of food, and they just sit there in a lump in my stomach until I throw up. Even down to something like the type of rice - Basmati rice is fine, Long Grain rice makes me throw up.

Maybe she has a medical condition that you don't know about, and although she wants to attend the evening, doesn't want to spend the night with her head down the toilet?