to get so pointlessly upset about this?

[BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte]

I was there for her, day after day for years... countless hours on the phone, did every single birthday for her, took weeks at a time off work to care for her, lent her money she never repaid. Now for the first time ever I ask her a favour, to come and help out for just a few days after I've had major surgery and won't be able to use half my body 'ooooooh can I think about it, that's such a huuuuuuuge thing you've asked'. But she still wants to come and visit 'just for a break'

Please tell me to stop fuming and accept that reciprocity is never a symmetrical thing, and that some friendships are simply one-sided like that. Tell me that I've got better things to stress about than such an utterly self-absorbed individual... please...

its a hard lesson to learn, but some people are just up their backside and dont even know it

op yanbu

ouch, that must really hurt. Selfish cow.

Hope your surgery goes very well.

I think I'd be really upset too. And as for coming anyway for a break, words fail me.

If you were my friend I'd be offering to help out, even if it was just making some meals to pop in the freezer, doing some shopping for you.

Hope your surgery goes well.

So WIBU to tell her that no, unless she's prepared to help out no she cannot come and stay?

The world is split into givers and takers. Once you realise that it hurts a little bit less IMO.

But of course she can't come 'for a break' when you're recovering from surgery. No way. YANBU to tell her that.

tell her no, a break isnt on offer (cheeky cow)

Um, no she can't come "just for a break"! Cheeky cow! I'd let this 'friendship' fall by the wayside I think...

Cross posted with ssd - great minds etc.

Yes, I fully intend to. But I will now stop feeling guilty about it...

YANBU, and yes you have got better things to worry about like yourself.

I'm usually a 'let it fade away' kind of woman in these situations, but I think I would be writing her an email linking to this thread telling her not to bother contacting me again, never mind coming to my house for a sodding holiday.

You're about to have a major surgery and she's still seeing you as fucking Butlins because she needs a break? Tell her to take her narcissistic backside to Thomas Cook and buy the flight that will take her to the far side of fuck off for the foreseeable.

Ohh I'm angry on your behalf

OUCH! That would hurt. Sooner you can persuade yourself to take your mind of it the better. So much easier said than done.
The greatest thing that hurts is the waste of all your efforts in the past - not cos you expected pay-back but cos it clearly wasn't appreciated. She sees you a service not a person - back away as fast as your little legs will carry you - run for the hills.

at the far side of fuck off for the foreseeable

Wow your friend is incredibly selfish!! Ywnbu to tell her where to go. Sorry that this person has hurt you

Bestb411pm, change your name to Bestpostoftheweek!

love it

Now you've made me laugh. Exactly what I needed here.

I think I will text asking her to redirect all accommodation enquiries to DH. He is much better at this whole assertiveness thing than I am.

I had a friend just like that I got rid last year. Honestly you'll feel so much better when you do.

I have to confess that's one of the finer phrases I've picked up from this place - It's so incredibly therapeutic, I might get it engraved on a locket......

Ditching her as a friend would be a bit extreme, I think. She's just her, always has been.

It's me that's having a bit of a meltdown, and I don't want to blame her for it. But it's not really AIBU territory. I've posted in LLI.

Ditch her!!

She is a taker...

Oh yes. Bin her. You don't need 'friends' like that.

She sounds horrible. :(

She is binned. Trust me.

I hope you're going to respond to her breath-takingly arrogant email in the same fashion before you bin her though!