AIBU to massively dislike DP'S PARENTS (a bit of a MIL thread sorry)

[allthatglittersisnotgold]

I've had some serious issues with my DP's parents for a while now. We visited over xmas for 2 days and tbh it was the most miserable experience.

I offered to make dinner on the first night whilst everyone relaxed, and she meddled in that, I even brought my own ingredients, forgot one certain ingredient, had a look in her cupboard and what i needed was out of date since 2008! I like to get all the fat from my mince, when I turned around she had poured it back in the pot!! For someone overweight she doesn't "cook" how I would expect a mother and woman of her age too. That's all fine-ish, on the last night we sat down to dinner and she started moaning about how I didn't know the price of milk and bread (I don't- I add it too my weekly shop and forget about it). How I leave the washing up over night, (me and DP both work long hours) told her we do it in the morning or next day, she seems to think that only her son works full time and that I am available all day for domestic duties. She also started giving me evils and her husband the eye because I didn't eat all my chcicken like I am a child and berating me for it. It's embarrassing and even my DP had a snap at her for being a bit rude. If I have someone over for dinner they can push their food around the plate for all I care, I have "offered" them this food to do what they like with.

DP and I offered to take the PILS and SIL out for dinner the 2nd night, to say thank you (as DP's dad has helped us a lot with our flat), she was like oh well I suppose if you like, probably won't get in anywhere!! Totally unenthusiastic- all she had to do was arrive there!! We would take care of everything!

When she has come over to our flat, she immediately starts washing my things up and cleaning without even checking with me. After x mas I sent her a card thanking her for my gift and "hospitality" and heard nothing from her, regarding my quite expensive gift to them. She spent the two days we were there staring at telly in kitchen drinking wine. It just shocks me that she had got no xmas food in at all, and I had to ask if I could make myself something to eat as I was so hungry at one point and was never offered anything.

It makes me sad/irritated as my own parents and mum in particular are so gracious and welcoming!!

Has she got terrible manners? Or a problem with me? Or am I reading too much into it?

brdgrl

Actually, puns are the lowest form of wit. Sarcasm is a very high form of wit.

And you have gotten a lot of good advice on this thread and have dismissed it out of hand because you just wanted to hear 'YANBU'.

Except you are!

Tee-Please re read how I felt about what people have said, I think you'll find yes if course I want to hear YANBU. It's fine for you to think I am U, just don't be rude to me.

Actually puns take a little bit of intelligence in order to put together a sentence using a word with a cross meaning or replacing a letter. Sarcasm is just a redundant method of commincation used by people who have nothing helpful to say.

It strikes me that all the threads on here end up with people bashing one another and actually being quite unpleasant. I don't get it?

Like I said thank to everyone for your input and I think the way forward is to live and let live and ignore her as much as possible. I won't be back on this thread, as I think I've got everything I can from it, and it's now descending into a bun fight, of accusations and general rudeness.

I think you will find that position is belied by centuries of literature and political rhetoric, allthatglitters.
But anyway - I gave you perfectly good advice upthread, if I do say so myself. As has been noted, though, you are not interested in advice unless it supports your own position, which is that you are being essentially reasonable. So you are defensive and rejecting the good advice which has been offered by others. You asked AIBU, and the response was a resounding YES.

The best advice you have been given on this thread, in multiple posts, is to examine yourself and the ways in which you have actually contributed to the problem, and to be a bit more tolerant of other people's ways of doing things.

(That is "paraphrasing".)

I'm sure I've got 2008-dated stuff in the cupboard, maybe a half-empty jar of spices or something? Perfectly ok to use.

Ooh my mum's out of date piccalilly is the stuff of legends!

I think that your MIL probably sees you how some of the posters are seeing you on here unfortunately.

You sound a nightmare. Hate the sexism on this thread too. What about the fil in all this?? Isnt he as equally responsible for the householdy stuff too?

I can't stand my mil. I've analysed this a lot, believe me, thought that it was down to her being my dh's mum and perhaps a bit of jealousy on my part? However, the fact that with past sweetheart's mums I have found OK, it is not that. She is just a bitch. Asked: 'Is she pregnant?' when dh told her we were marrying. Told me that it wouldn't matter to me when my grandmother died as we were not close. I could go on.

I had dreams of cutting her out of my life completely but this would not be fair on my dh and would probably not be possible. Even her daughter eventually spoke to her after a three-year spat.
Instead, I do what I call 'damage limitation'. I spend as little time with her as I can. She lives away so we only used to see her about 5 times a year anyway, but 48 hours a-piece with someone you can't stand five times a year is hard. She more or less expected us to visit her and her family EVERY Christmas. Because, after all, mine weren't important. I nipped that shit in the bud, I've now managed to get it down to twice a year. Dh will occasionally visit her by himself which is win-win for all of us. I use other sneaky little tricks, too. Oops. There must be something wrong with ansa machine...Also, no more last-minute visits.

Find her weak spot (s). Mine is a dreadful snob and thinks she is better than everybody else-she has social-climbed, but her background was very poor and she has a fear of losing it all and terrified of the truth. Everything is airbrushed out that is unpleasant. Any mention of the truth of her background must be -subtly- brought up every time she gets too mean to me to remind her that her 'act' does not fool me.
I do it in a nice way: 'Oh times must have been so hard for you' etc etc. It works everytime.

Limit contact. Lord knows, it will prove impossible to keep her out completely.

The opening poster is either extremely fussy and sensitive or there is more to it than meets the eye. All I can say is this: you won't get this woman out of your life for as long as she lives. If there is genuine dislike present, the best you can do is to be polite and civil to each other and limit contact.
There are plenty of dils and mils who dislike each other. They accept that they will never be friends but manage to be civil and limit contact with each other. That is the best you can do, I'm afraid.

OP, your original question was am I being unreasonable? The majority of replies do think you are being unreasonable, accept it.

I actually feel sorry for the poor woman, she clearly knows you dislike her, my guess would be that she is praying she never actually becomes your mother in law.

You sound quite unpleasant, what she keeps in her cupboards, what she weighs and whether she buys Christmas food is her business, not yours.