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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you think that I am odd?

73 replies

MattyFallsOver · 29/01/2012 11:18

I was on a night out last night in a group of 7 women.
The chat as it does got around to sex. We are all around 28/29 and while I am not the only one in a relationship, I am the only one who is married and the only one expecting a DC.

Me and DH have been together for 9 years now, we got together when I
was 19.
I have never had sex with anyone but DH.

Out of these other women 3 are in relationships and 3 are single.
So talking about sex and things.

They all were shocked (except one who I know from university) that I have only ever been with one person.
I was informed that it is odd and bizarre.
One of the woman informed me that 'i must not be very good at it' and that my DH must 'get bored and have to do all the work'
Another woman then told me that I must be a prude.

I came home really thrown and feel a bit odd about it all (last night)
Were these woman just being ridicules or is that actually what people think ?

OP posts:
Ihatecbeebies · 29/01/2012 11:21

Yanbu and you are not odd either, these women were just being nasty to you,

WorraLiberty · 29/01/2012 11:22

Well if you've been with him for 9 years, it's not rocket science that you're not going to have much experience of other men unless you started early or had affairs.

What a bunch of Muppets

ModreB · 29/01/2012 11:24

You are not odd. You have been in a happy, content, monogamous relationship since losing your virginity. There is nothing odd about that.

What is odd is them expecting you to have lied, cheated and betrayed your relationship with your DH by sleeping with another man. That is what is very twisted. They are being very rude and horrible IMO.

Tee2072 · 29/01/2012 11:24

These are your friends? Because honestly, they sound a bit jealous that you have been in a long term stable relationship. Something they probably know nothing about.

Morloth · 29/01/2012 11:25

I am 35 and only ever been with DH and he with me.

We are very good at it indeed because we learned together.

I love that we are and have always been and hopefully will always be a closed unit.

It isn't for everyone, different strokes etc. But works beautifully for us.

wonkylegs · 29/01/2012 11:25

I think they were being mean and ridiculous. Your situation may be unusual these days but it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with it. Unless they having personal experience of you & your husband's sex life (which would be weird) how can they pass judgement.
If you are happy thats all that matters. Tbh they could be having bad sex just with different men! as long as the people involved are happy what does it matter what other people are / aren't doing?
If they are not happy then that's a different matter.

happyhorse · 29/01/2012 11:27

Not odd at all. During my first marriage I'd only been with ex-h, because we had got together young. The woman who said your DH must get bored sounds like a prize bitch. If they found this shocking they must be very easily shocked.

mydoorisalwaysopen · 29/01/2012 11:29

I don't think you're odd. Having sex with lots of people doesn't make you better at it, does it? It's not a competitive sport - if you're happy, and it sounds like you are, don't worry about what they say. Hopefully they didn't mean to hurt you.

AnaisB · 29/01/2012 11:29

I think in my circle of friends you'd be unusual, mostly because we've all settled relatively late, but none of us would see that as a negative thing (or be so mean about it.) If you meet your long term partner relatively young then obviously that is going to happen.

AmberLeaf · 29/01/2012 11:30

I think its odd that some people think you have to have sex with lots of people to get 'good' at sex.

You could have sex with a different person every night of the week and not learn anything 'new' or what you like, but you would be considered 'experienced' due to sheer numbers of partners.

Or you could have sex with 1 person for 9 years and actually be better at sex due to what you do not how many people you're doing it with.

Ignore them.

Snowbeetle · 29/01/2012 11:30

Wow! How very narrow minded of them to imagine that you can only be good in bed with multiple partners... so the more you have the better you are? When do you get good after 3...4...10 - I need to know cos I've only had very few partners and might need to run out and try more out! What a bunch of dolts! They sound incredibly ugly people (don't mean visually). I certainly don't think you are odd - you sound like you need new mates really together and happy.

wannaBe · 29/01/2012 11:30

I have only ever been with dh and I am nearly 38.

Tbh I think that they are projecting their own doubts on to you - I know far more women that regret having been with more men than regret having been with less, iyswim.

squeakytoy · 29/01/2012 11:31

in the minority .. yes, but there is nothing wrong with that

odd.... nope..

OnlyANinja · 29/01/2012 11:34

Why are they saying that you must not be any good?

What about him?

IMO being "any good" comes from listening and paying attention to your partner - a variety of experience is less useful than you might suppose because everyone likes different things.

lepetomaine · 29/01/2012 11:36

You're not odd, but they are. And nasty.

seoladair · 29/01/2012 11:36

Maybe they are justifying their own promiscuity. Maybe they actually feel a bit rubbish about having lots of meaningless sex. Maybe they're jealous of your happiness. Maybe their biological clocks are starting to tick and they're jealous of your pregnancy.
None of my lovely single friends have ever said anything so catty to me (I'm married with an 8-month old DD). Having said that, I see less of my single friends now, and more of other mums now, I guess because perspectives change, and I have less in common with the single girls now. I've made new friends since becoming a mum. You will too - drop these idiots.

HoneyandHaycorns · 29/01/2012 11:39

I am 38 and have only ever been with DH. We have been together for a long time. Wink

Personally, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Birdsgottafly · 29/01/2012 11:43

I was in a similar position as you, until i was widowed and then after a while was 'happily single' Wink.

Tbh the best sex comes from experimentation and getting to know each other abit. As others have said you could have lots of bad sex with lots of different men, or fantastic sex with one man and vise versa.

It doesn't matter what anyone else think. I would advise you to stop taking notice of anyone that doesn't 'count', on any subject, especially now that you are pregnant.

lepetomaine · 29/01/2012 11:45

I meant to say, IMO doing it lots with one person will teach you more about sex than having 100 one night stands.
I was with my first partner for a good few years and we learned together. My next partner had had several sexual partners but not really a long term sexual relationship and it showed iyswim! I also dated a man who was a virgin when I had had a few partners and I have to say he was an excellent lover Wink.

You and your husband are happy and they are jealous, I reckon. Ignore them and find some new mates to go out with!

SecretNutellaFix · 29/01/2012 11:48

How fucking rude of them!

Groovee · 29/01/2012 11:48

Not odd at all.

TheFeministsWife · 29/01/2012 11:53

Jeez they sound like the odd ones to me, and possibly a little jealous. I had all this years ago from ex-SIL who get her head around the fact that I'd been with DH since I was 16, only had to sexual partners and had no desire to stray. Hmm This coming from a woman who went with a married man who's wife was pregnant and then actively encouraged him not to see his kids. She used to really lay into me at times, she was a weird one. Seemingly because she has no morals it means everyone else is the same as her. Hmm

Ignore them, you know you're happy, it really is nothing to do with anyone else.

TheFeministsWife · 29/01/2012 11:54

who couldn't get her head

TheFeministsWife · 29/01/2012 11:54

Oh FFS! two not to

alittlesurprise · 29/01/2012 11:54

I've been with my DH since I was 20 (he was 21). I'd had a couple of relationships in my late teens whereas DH had not had any relationships.

Well I have to say that your friends are talking nonsense! In the first few years the sex was very good as it was in that exciting phase, but maybe none of us had any amazing techinques. As the years went on my DH has really learned what excites me and I couldn't imagine a better lover.

In my experience you learn together over time, and what works for one person may not work for another so just because someone liked X doesn't mean that your next partner may like the same. So in that respect 'experience' counts for nothing, iyswim?

I'm sure your relationship is just fine and your friends are just jealous.

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