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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you think that I am odd?

73 replies

MattyFallsOver · 29/01/2012 11:18

I was on a night out last night in a group of 7 women.
The chat as it does got around to sex. We are all around 28/29 and while I am not the only one in a relationship, I am the only one who is married and the only one expecting a DC.

Me and DH have been together for 9 years now, we got together when I
was 19.
I have never had sex with anyone but DH.

Out of these other women 3 are in relationships and 3 are single.
So talking about sex and things.

They all were shocked (except one who I know from university) that I have only ever been with one person.
I was informed that it is odd and bizarre.
One of the woman informed me that 'i must not be very good at it' and that my DH must 'get bored and have to do all the work'
Another woman then told me that I must be a prude.

I came home really thrown and feel a bit odd about it all (last night)
Were these woman just being ridicules or is that actually what people think ?

OP posts:
UnimaginitiveDadThemedUsername · 29/01/2012 11:56

This idea that you can only get better at something if another human being shows you is bunk.

People also learn by reading up on a topic and by trial and error.

I think that the other women in this group were showing a lack of imagination, and were probably projecting their own doubts onto the OP (as wannabee said).

MrsTittleMouse · 29/01/2012 11:58

Your friends are nasty and silly.

I personally would have struggled to only have one partner, but I am not you, and what is right for me could be completely wrong for you and vice versa. If your friends can't see that then they are idiots.

Perhaps they are struggling a bit with the fact that you are the first in the group to "move on". It's not unusual, but it is very unfair to take it out on you.

Snowbeetle · 29/01/2012 12:03

Hope Mattyfallsover feels much happier she knows not everyone (anyone?) thinks like these people, even though it might leave her rather wondering how she can acquire nicer friends. :)

diddl · 29/01/2012 12:06

Oh yes, having sex with lots of people so makes you good at it because everybody likes the same thing!Hmm

CailinDana · 29/01/2012 12:09

It's total jealousy. I've had a few people say the same thing to me (with DH since I was 19, together 10 years this month) and when I challenged them on it (because I'm a bolshy!) it turned out that they just couldn't believe that two people could make each other happy in the way DH and I do - it was quite sad really.

jasperJohns · 29/01/2012 12:11

Your friends are being spiteful. It might be unusual to marry your first, but to use that to make judgements about your sex life is ignorant.

notyummy · 29/01/2012 12:13

How rude!

Whether someone has slept with one person ...or loads of them...is entirely their own business. Unless THEY are unhappy with and it is damaging how they feel.

I have friends who have slept with 2 people, and friends who have slept with 50+ people. It makes no difference to me and I wouldn't dream of passing comment on them in the way those people did to you. You are not odd.

NorthernGobshite · 29/01/2012 12:14

You're not odd at all. How rude of them to suggest you are a prude.

ITryToBeZenBut · 29/01/2012 12:14

How narrow-minded and frankly rude of them to say such things to you. They sound like a group of cliquey silly school girls pretending they're in Sex and the City rather than grown up women with appreciation for the diversity of relationship experiences across their friendships.

I hope you get an apology today. If not, find some new friends to hang around with who appreciate your experiences and make you feel good.

AfternoonDelight · 29/01/2012 12:17

I'm 25 and so is DP (soon to be DH). We've been together since we were 18. He had a couple of relationships before me but he was my first and the only man I've been with.

Frankly he's just so good that I don't particularly want to try sex with anyone else Grin

MaryWiselyornotatall · 29/01/2012 12:17

YANBU at all. I would spend my free time with other people, tbh. How dare they criticise you. One of the most happily married women I know has been with her DH since they met at 14 - and they are now mid 50s, and still adore each other. I admire loyalty, trust and the hard work which it needs to make a good relationship last. Hate the current trend for meaningless sex and relationships which are just thrown away when times get hard.

You are greatly to be admired, and they might just be a bit jealous of your happiness.

RainboweBrite · 29/01/2012 12:19

They sound jealous to me. How nasty of them.

ilooklikegrotbagstoday · 29/01/2012 12:22

I think it's lovely. I wish i had waited until i met DH and not wasted my time and emotions on the losers i had been with previously.

startail · 29/01/2012 12:27

UANBU
I could have written exactly the same relationship history, right down to being PG at 29.

Meet DH as a 20 year old virgin
(not intentional, but my first BF was really sweet and shy. I would have made the first move and by then I knew it wouldn't last. If we'd have had sex I'd have been using him.)
DH an I just clicked, fell straight into a sexual relationship and were engaged in six weeks (married two years later).

The difference I am a lot older than you, DH and I have been together 23 years and the DDs are 14 and 10.

Given the trouble I had getting DH out of bed to let me watch the tennis He hasn't got bored yetGrinGrinGrin

Thumbwitch · 29/01/2012 12:27

They sound very small-minded and ignorant, as though the only experience that is "right" in the world is the one they have lived!

I was with my first BF for 11y, he was the only one I slept with that whole time (and for a year afterwards) - didn't make me odd, either! Unusual, maybe - but not odd.

Ignore the silly women.

ItWasABoojum · 29/01/2012 12:27

I've only had one partner - lost my virginity to my ex when I was 23. He was (should say is - he's still one of my best friends) much older than me and had had several partners, including a couple of other 'first timers'. He always said he couldn't believe he was my first partner because I was so relaxed and confident in bed - I still maintain that's because I was happy and in love and wasn't doing anything just because I thought I should. The idea that more=better is imo bollocks.

Oh, and most of my friends are a lot more experienced than I am and would never dream of saying anything as horrible as yours did to you. Agree with almost everyone else - get rid.

RubyrooUK · 29/01/2012 12:36

You are not odd.

Yes, your situation is a little unusual, simply because most people are not lucky enough to meet their ideal person first time!

But your friends sound like they are perhaps jealous of your happiness or (to take a kind view of it) being a bit immature and thoughtless when drunk.

I have had a number of boyfriends and sexual experiences (Blush, just didn't meet my DH when I was very young). But I wouldn't presume to think I have had a better sex life than you - how could I know? I've had boyfriends with lots of "experience" who have not pleased me in bed and other people with less previous partners who were really in tune with me. It was all about our connection and communication in bed - nothing else.

Your friends are being odd here, not you!

StripeyScarf · 29/01/2012 12:42

ive been in a happy monogamous (sp) relationship since i was 18, i am now 50. we've never needed anyone else on either side

i feel sorry for the slappers who need to have a different partner every friday and then never see or hear from them again, that must do wonders for your self esteem

i am so lucky i found the right man for me early on, i couldnt be doing with all the crap that goes on these days in the name of "fun"

Cassettetapeandpencil · 29/01/2012 12:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsTittleMouse · 29/01/2012 12:58

Stripeyscarf
I'm glad that you are happy, but you aren't really covering yourself in glory calling women who have multiple partners "slappers". Maybe they are doing it because they have low self esteem, maybe they are doing it because they like it.

Judging a woman by her number of sexual partners is always a nasty and judgmental thing to do, whether you think the number is too low or too high.

lazarusb · 29/01/2012 13:07

I am the only person dh had ever been with although I have been with a few people. I can assure you that he is neither boring nor bad in bed. In fact he appears to have a natural aptitude for it. Wink

So your friends are just being nasty - ignore them.

ragged · 29/01/2012 13:15

I think OP's friends were just being tipsy/drunk & making silly remarks. Don't see why OP should take any of them seriously. Retorting with a few choice and completely insincere slapper comments would have been fine & then all sides forget everything except that it was a fun evening with friends.

Chandon · 29/01/2012 13:19

out my about 7 or 8 best friends, three (1 of them a guy) married their first boyfriend/girlfriend (1st person they ever slept with).

So you are not odd.

It is a bit of a modern taboo, we are all supposed to be free and wild and somehow wanting to get as much sexual experience as possible.

People you were with sound a bit nasty TBH. Maybe they are worried you think they are slappers and it was a pre-emptive strike?

Pandemoniaa · 29/01/2012 13:27

You are not odd. It's a situation that suits you and is actually nobody else's business. I'm not at all prudish but I've got very tired of this sort of conversation on "girl's nights" and have stopped going out with one group of women for precisely this reason.

Sex talk is fine. It's not fine when your own choices are belittled though.

Ephiny · 29/01/2012 13:28

They sound very nasty and rude. I can't imagine making comments like that about someone or their marriage, how absolutely bizarre. What business is it of theirs what intimate relations are like between you and your husband anyway?

Maybe they're jealous that you've found the right man to marry and start a family with? If they're late 20s they might be experiencing the ticking biological clock a bit? Not that it's any excuse for making such unpleasant comments.

I don't think your situation is that unusual at all. Not everyone is so lucky as to find the right person straight away, but if you do, then that's a good thing surely?