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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be offended at these comments about breast feeding??

69 replies

McQueasy · 29/01/2012 00:19

I have breastfed two children and plan to feed a third. First was hard work and both did feel like they were permanently attached for first six weeks but it felt quite normal and relatively natural.
Two people at work have commented about their sisters recently saying how it's rediculous that their newborns have been attached to their boobs constantly and they think it's unnatural, trying to get them to give the baby a bottle instead.
Is it just me or are throw away comments like this a bit offensive and possibly quite damaging?
I just don't get why someone would think pong periods of feeding is unnatural?! Isn't that what babies are supposed to do?

OP posts:

Original poster

McQueasy · 29/01/2012 00:20

Long periods not pong!!!

OP posts:

NatashaBee · 29/01/2012 00:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thepeoplesprincess · 29/01/2012 00:24

God, are parenting forums still doing this one

YANBU.

Threeprinces · 29/01/2012 00:24

YANBU, comments like these are what put people off and make them think it's not the norm. Such a shame that people just don't accept bf as the natural normal thing to do.

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 29/01/2012 00:25

I don't think it's offensive, just ignorant.

I did a fair amount of reading before I bf'ed, and I had no idea that feeding on demand basically translated to feeding constantly.

People don't know if no one tells them, and even then it can be hard to believe.

Original poster

McQueasy · 29/01/2012 00:25

They made me feel embarrassed about it. I thought that's just what u did, I didn't realise people were being all judgey and thinking it was wrong

OP posts:

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 29/01/2012 00:37

I don't think they were thinking it was wrong, just that they found it strange, which is understandable if you don't know what It takes to establish bf'ing.

You have no need to feel embarrased. I'm guessing the people that said this either have no dc, or never tried to breast feed, so their opinion is really worth bugger all.

It would be like me trying to pass comment on how to fly a space rocket. Nothing I could hope to say on flying space rockets would have any value because I know bugger all about it. Same as these people's opinion on bfing is valueless because they clearly know bigger all about that.

Lueji · 29/01/2012 06:24

Surely you gave them your dismissive, experienced mother, look and told them how ridiculous they are. ;-)

Some babies do bf every 4 hours, mine did, but babies are all different.

redridingwolf · 29/01/2012 06:26

Yanbu. But people are hugely ignorant about BF. I was, until I did it myself.

SilentBoob · 29/01/2012 06:45

thepeoplesprincess - the thing about parenting forums is that they are full of people who didn't have the foresight to have their babies at exactly the same time you had your first babies. I dare say one or two of the issues you have come across as a parent and needed advice about have been faced before by several million parents over the last few hundred thousand years - but when you are facing it for the first time it is great to be able to reach out to other parents who are going through the same thing, or who have advice based on their slightly longer experience as a parent. Happily for all of us, there is no rule stating that once a topic has been discussed on a parenting forum the issue is deemed SOLVED and never to be spoken of again. :)

whomovedmychocolate · 29/01/2012 06:57

YANBU - but agree people are really dumb over most things regarding kids till they actually have them. And even then in some cases some people retain their ignorance avidly for many years.

'What do you know, fuckface' is a useful response I find. (note, I am well known for being forthright with ignorami though!.)

runningwilde · 29/01/2012 07:09

The fact that they think it is more natural to stick a bottle in the baby's mouth than have the baby suckle for as long as it needs says it all really. Very ignorant people. Why didn't you put them right? Tell them how a baby's stomach is the size of a marble and the most natural thing is little and often of mummy milk.

Their ignorance and the irony of their stupid comments is breathtaking.

LetsKateWin · 29/01/2012 07:14

silentboob

madaboutmadmen · 29/01/2012 07:16

as someone who tried her damed hardest to breastfeed and struggled on for 8 weeks, then switched to formula, I do find their comments unreasonable. the most natural thing is to bf your baby and it is hard work, and no one knows this until you get there. The trouble with bf is the brigade which assumes that everyone who gives their child a bottle didn't try and doesn't care, which is very hurtful for those who did try. i know this thread isn't really about that, just the whole BF is a minefield of emotions for women!

NeedlesCuties · 29/01/2012 08:17

Interesting responses.

I also read the baby books when pregnant with DS and didn't understand that "breastfeeding on demand" could be so often.

However, when he was born I went with the flow and let him feed when he wanted. My mum (who didn't bf any of her children) told me I was odd and that DS must have something wrong with him. When we went round to visit she used to ask when his next feed was due and look at me like when I told her he'd let me know when he was hungry.

I agree that sometimes people say things about bf which is born out of ignorance, but it's the same with many areas of parenthood.

The best bit of advice I got in the early days when newborns feed the most was from the community health visitor: she asked me if I'd ever seen a puppy or kitten with their mum. She said that in the same way they nuzzle and feed constantly is the same way I should think about DS, as he is a little mammal too.

I didn't take offense at the example, I thought it was very useful and ended up bfing DS till he was 11 months old.

Am pregnant again and 100% planning to bf this baby.

TroublesomeEx · 29/01/2012 08:27

OP I BF both of mine for around 18 months (a long time in RL, not so long on MN I've found!!). Both of mine have grown up knowing that that is what boobs are for. We've talked about it. DS's partner is going to BF with his support (when he gets one - he's 13 currently) and until 2 weeks ago DD (5) was also going to BF because she's never been presented with an alternative.

Until that is she came home from school about 2 weeks ago and said it was "disgusting" . After chatting further, there'd been a conversation between some of the girls at school one of whose mum has just another baby and evidently I'm some kind of unnatural, disgusting freak "It's disgusting" "Sticking your boob in a babies mouth is disgusting"!!! It would seem DD was the only one who was BF (or knows about it!)

I'm not a militant BF-er, have never judged/passed comment on anyone who FF (even when same FF has me BF) but I have to say she went back to school the following day with a bit of a "disgusting pretend milk" view of FF. The worst thing is, that's not even how I really feel or something I'd say under any other circumstances for the reasons madaboutmadmen said. But really.

Unfortunately, I can only assume these girls had got this message from home.

TroublesomeEx · 29/01/2012 08:29

I read no books and had only heard the term "feeding on demand" when people started asking me if I was "feeding on demand" after DS was born. I answered "er yes, I think so. He gets it whenever he wants it anyway!"

And yes, there were many days when I didn't move from the bed/sofa and we lay feeding all day.

FutureNannyOgg · 29/01/2012 08:34

When ds was new, he went through that relentless phase just before my milk came in. I hadn't known to expect that so rang the midwife who told me no problem, just cosleep and feed lying down, it will pass. We are still nursing at 17 months.
A friend with a baby the same age was in the same position, got a different midwife on the phone and was told she clearly couldn't make enough milk and to switch to formula, baby was less than 2 days old.
We both attended NCT bf classes. I wish these were more informative on the realities of bf.

wordfactory · 29/01/2012 08:36

Not correct, but not remotely offfensive.

cheekyseamonkey · 29/01/2012 08:43

I had no idea how long & frequent it would be. Didn't help that mil who bf 3 (Inc twins) kept calling dd a little monkey & telling anyone who'd listen how greedy she was. I heard 'in my day it was 10 mins each side every 4 hours!' on an hourly basis.

But, the implication from these witches that it's unnatural is no more than unhelpful. Who gives a shiny shit about what they think?! They're the freaks, I had a few similar comments & brushed them off with 'that's just the way it is' & when told it was disgusting I suggested they go & look up the meaning of MAMMAL FFS!

YANB entirely U but just grin & sidestep idiots like this.

ChunkyPickle · 29/01/2012 08:45

I think the thing that made it clear to me how often he was going to have to feed (well, after my milk took 3-4 days to come in and he was at 10% weight loss, and we implemented the desparate plan of stick a boob in whenever he opened his eyes) was a little illustration of how big a baby's stomach is at the various ages (a cherry when newborn apparently) - it was clear to me that there was no way that a cherry full of milk should be able to keep him for 4 hours!.

A slight tangent, but did anyone else find the weaning switch to having fixed meal times for real food a wierd one? I was so used to waiting for him to ask for food that the idea of offering him meals at certain times in the day took a few months to sink in..

PosieParker · 29/01/2012 08:46

Why does anyone give a shit what other people say about breastfeeding?

LetsKateWin · 29/01/2012 08:55

I wouldn't be offended by those comments. My friend didn't BF because she "finds it weird". I wasn't at all offended by her opinion.

TroublesomeEx · 29/01/2012 08:58

Because a discourse of BF being unnatural or strange impacts negatively on BF rates. Which are low.

Because it is natural. Our bodies do it without any help from us, naturally.

And yes, some women desperately want to, try very hard and are unable to do so. Some just don't because it's 'wrong' (my SIL and my dad's wife).

TroublesomeEx · 29/01/2012 08:59

Disclaimer: I don't actually give a shit what method other people choose.

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