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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be offended at these comments about breast feeding??

69 replies

McQueasy · 29/01/2012 00:19

I have breastfed two children and plan to feed a third. First was hard work and both did feel like they were permanently attached for first six weeks but it felt quite normal and relatively natural.
Two people at work have commented about their sisters recently saying how it's rediculous that their newborns have been attached to their boobs constantly and they think it's unnatural, trying to get them to give the baby a bottle instead.
Is it just me or are throw away comments like this a bit offensive and possibly quite damaging?
I just don't get why someone would think pong periods of feeding is unnatural?! Isn't that what babies are supposed to do?

OP posts:
notfluffyatall · 29/01/2012 11:57

Ffs, the women in question didn't even say it to the OP!

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 29/01/2012 12:46

OP I think you will feel better if you ignore them and let this go.

They didn't say this to you about your choice, rightly or wrongly they were talking to each other about someone else and you were just listening in.

If it helps, I think they are wrong, but you are wasting energy feeling angry and fighting someone else's battle for them. Or not even that if you didn't say anything to them at the time.

Hopefully they won't say any of this to their sisters. If they do then hopefully the sisters will put them right. If they say it again in your presence then take the opportunity to put them right yourself.

But now that this particular moment has happened and is past, don't let it eat away at you any more.

ragged · 29/01/2012 13:07

Ignorant, maybe self-centred, but not offensive.

Original poster
McQueasy · 29/01/2012 13:15

Sorry if I've been misleading, but this wasn't a conversation to each other.
I am 36 weeks preg and the both had separate conversations with me about how ridiculous their sisters were being for refusing to bottle feed

OP posts:
WheresMeJumper · 29/01/2012 13:28

That's not what you said in the OP. Why couldn't you have said that?

Mumof1plustwins · 29/01/2012 13:39

This has come up time and time again, I'm constantly hearing women asking why their newborns are bfing for so long etc.
I was at the health clinic and a women with her first child said her DD feeds for so long that in the end she just takes her off the breast and puts her in the cot (crying or not!) I turned to her (because I have more experience and thought she might like to hear what I think as her friend didn't know what to say) and I told her that it's normal and the baby will feed for as long as she needs to before she is full - she will sleep/come away etc. she looked at me blankly, turned back to her friend and continued to ask why her DD feeds for so long Hmm

notfluffyatall · 29/01/2012 13:59

Meh, I don't really appreciate someone eavesdropping on my conversations and feeling they have a right to put their tuppence worth in. A bit rude if you ask me. She had every right to not involve you in her conversation.

Original poster
McQueasy · 29/01/2012 14:07

My op said two people have commented (I should have said to me)
I didn't say that I overheard a conversation between two people

OP posts:
Original poster
McQueasy · 29/01/2012 14:09

I also said I plan to feed a third (am imminently about to!)

OP posts:
Mumof1plustwins · 29/01/2012 14:09

Maybe she didn't like my response which was,' my DTs feed 3hrs non stop so it's normal' but I had actually been talking to the friend prior to her turning up. Maybe she didn't like me answering her question, either way I'm not getting involved anymore whether I know the answer or not, I was only trying to be helpful! Grin

notfluffyatall · 29/01/2012 14:26

I think that's for the best. Even if meant with the very best intentions an incident like that can be seen as you being a smart arse, she didn't know you from Adam remember Wink

LurcioLovesFrankie · 29/01/2012 15:54

Mumof1plustwins - I'm sure you were trying to help, but it's possible that the woman you were talking to was struggling with genuine undersupply problems, and had had lots of people already say similar well-intentioned but not terribly helpful things. (By 8 weeks, my son was in free fall below the bottom of the growth charts - it wasn't for want of trying on my part, nor for want of allowing him - to the midwives' in hospital surprise, to allow him to feed for as long as he wanted - I'm just in the 1 to 2% of women who just can't. Sadly, my tits are neither use nor ornament). I know that often women go into breastfeeding with mistaken assumptions about what's involved. I certainly hadn't reckoned for the 24 hour nature of the undertaking beforehand (though I learned pretty quickly). But sometimes there are problems there which just don't match another woman's personal experience, which is why saying "well this is what worked for me" isn't always helpful to the other person. By all means offer the suggestion, but don't assume that because she doesn't take it she's stupid, or looking for an excuse to give up, or just being rude (she may be at the end of her tether).

somewherewest · 29/01/2012 16:07

I think the pro-breastfeeding discourse isn't sufficiently open about how incredibly tough breastfeeding can be. The breastfeeding class on our NCT antenatal class included lots of pictures of happy smiling women breastfeeding effortlessly while sailing, working, picnicing etc etc. I don't recall any pictures of sleep deprived new mothers desparately trying to achieve the perfect bloody latch at two in the morning. Ditto NHS material on breastfeeding. I don't remember hearing much on the joys of exhaustion, oversupply or mastitis. Its hardly surprising that women are surprised by their experience.

NeedlesCuties · 29/01/2012 16:15

somewhere I agree with you, but think that's the same in regards to many aspects of having children.

I know that sometimes when I was struggling, sitting on the sofa crying feeling like a cow being milked I ranted to some friends or my mum. Usually their replies were a) it will get easier (which of course, it did) or b) if you think it's that hard then pack it in and go buy some formula for DS.

It isn't all a bed of roses, not by any stretch of the imagination!

Whatmeworry · 29/01/2012 17:53

I think the pro-breastfeeding discourse isn't sufficiently open about how incredibly tough breastfeeding can be.

Bingo.

mojitomania · 29/01/2012 18:15

Well you're a bit silly to be "offended" by the comments.

You do what you want, surely.

TroublesomeEx · 30/01/2012 08:07

I think the pro-breastfeeding discourse isn't sufficiently open about how incredibly tough breastfeeding can be.

Yes.

fatlazymummy yes of course they can decide for themselves. But hopefully they will make a decision based on what is right for them and their babies and not because of a prejudice they were exposed to at 5 years old that has stuck that told them something natural and right is "disgusting".

TroublesomeEx · 30/01/2012 08:12

Handmini I don't care how strangers feed their children. I would prefer my DD and DIL to BF but given that it's a long way off on both counts I'm not going to worry about it too much now!! Whatever they decide ultimately, yes it will be their choice. But it will be an informed choice and not one they make because they think BF is wrong.

IME of the 7 children in our family, mine were the only 2 that were BF. I know that one of the other mums found it difficult and wasn't given any support. I don't judge her for FF. I think she should have had more support because she wanted to BF. The other didn't consider BF. She wasn't 'disgusted' by it, it just hadn't occurred to her. That's a bit of a shame.

kelly2000 · 30/01/2012 09:47

YANBU. if the baby is hungry it is hungry. why is it worse to be on the breast constantly, than on the bottle constantly? Ignore them.

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