AIBU to be offended at these comments about breast feeding??

[McQueasy]

I have breastfed two children and plan to feed a third. First was hard work and both did feel like they were permanently attached for first six weeks but it felt quite normal and relatively natural.
Two people at work have commented about their sisters recently saying how it's rediculous that their newborns have been attached to their boobs constantly and they think it's unnatural, trying to get them to give the baby a bottle instead.
Is it just me or are throw away comments like this a bit offensive and possibly quite damaging?
I just don't get why someone would think pong periods of feeding is unnatural?! Isn't that what babies are supposed to do?

People can be funny about bf. Mine is still bf at 12 months and I went back to work when she was 9 months old.

A lot of my colleagues think I am mad to still be breastfeeding. They make comments like well you will stop when she gets teeth. Actually she has eight teeth and it is not a problem.

It is annoying but I just ignore them.

YANBU, but in fairness, I did find long periods of feeding unbearable and felt I got the opposite unhelpful attitude from most people of 'Well, its natural and its best for baby' OK, but what about ME? I just had a crash section and feel like death and now I have to spend every waking hour feeding and feeding and bloody feeding like a great big cow.

But YANBU. Generally, comments from others on how you feed your baby are NOT welcome.

So, folk girl, you're not "militant" and you "don't give a shit about how other people choose to feed", but you're already saying that your DS's partner WILL breast feed (and I think I'm right in assuming this is some hypothetical partner of the future) and your DD WILL breast feed because (until recently) she knew no other way. Where's tHeir choice in this matter?

To me, those statements sound pretty militant and as if you do care very much.

HandMini - I think she was talking as a 13/5 year-old talks - they're so certain about how things go - rather than as someone dictating how her future DIL will feed her children.

I don't really care if someone thinks BF is weird, that's their problem not mine.

But I'd have to correct any idiot that called it "unnatural"!!

Hmm, chunky, perhaps your view is more charitable than mine, but I don't reckon many 13 year old boys have a view in whether their future partner is going to breast feed unless they have grown up ins very strongly "pro" ( dare I say militant) household. Nothing wrong with that if it's your choice, but I do call FolkGirl on her assertion that she's not militant and doesn't care.

YANBU at all. I get offended when people are 'rude' about bfeeding altho I definitely was more sensitive to it when I was bf my dd & now that I'm not anymore I feel I have a bit more objectivity about the whole subject. I find it a bit sad that people have opinions on how others feed their babes & it still seems the wrong way round-surely ff should be viewed as more 'odd'?! (not that I think it is-I mixed fed my dd from 6 months). My sil & mil constantly commented on how I was always feeding dd, which made me feel uncomfortable especially as sil had previously told me it was disgusting to see bfeeding in restaurants when 'people are eating'-what does she think the baby is doing?! Her dd told me she'd told her school friends that I fed dd 'from my booby' and none of her friends believed her as they said babies drink from bottles!!
I guess it depends on which circles you mix in but I have loads of examples of people making derogatory comments about bfeeding & I felt quite sensitive about it, possibly because ultimately I felt uncomfortable about feeding my dd in front of people, maybe because I had been exposed to this attitude?!

I guess the thing is, you know you shouldn't care and should do whatever works. Knowing you shouldn't care, and actually not caring, can be two different things. I was very certain of what I thought would be right for us and confident in sharing my reasons before dd arrived. Then, reality kicked in.
I was in some pain, struggling to get BF sorted, hormonal, tired, loved the baby so much it was scary but constantly questioned whether I was doing the right thing for her etc etc. My confidence and ability to tell people to mind their own business went haywire for a while. Fortunately, it all came together (as of course everyone but me knew it would) and by three months we were sorted with a routine of sorts and a very contented mummy and infant. Negative comments in that early stage could have had me really questioning everything I was doing.
It's just as well, because my MIL came to stay for a month (she lives about as far away overseas as you can get so short visits aren't an option). I think the world of her, she is a wonderful lady (in fact, I had suggested in my pre-baby 'it'll all work like a dream' mode that she came when the baby was a couple of weeks old. It was she who suggested waiting a few months to see her new grandchild, so that we could all settle down as a family first without having to worry about a guest. In hindsight, what a wonderful thought!). But, she kept dropping hints about bottle feeding - that way she could help out more. It got a bit wearing and had I been at an earlier stage of dd's life and thus more muddled and tired I may have given in to it, not trusting my own judgement.

So other people's comments shouldn't matter but they do if you're feeling fragile anyway -and that's whether it's about BF being weird when you are trying hard to sort it out, or FF being unnatural when you've tried and failed, or made a decision you can't but possibly feel a bit guilty about it. Motherhood comes with a swamp of 'What the hell am I doing' emotions anyway. You really don't need others adding to it!

fuck em, ignore em

we all know some people think BF is icky, their problem, and they make up crap excuses like this

Look they are obviously ill educated twats and should be ignored. I cannot believe people care what the fuck other people thing about how they feed their babies. Get a thicker skin for goodness sakes.

You could just choose to pay no attention to the musings of the ignorant? Ignore ignore ignore!

That kids are semi permanently attached to their mothers' boobs if they b/f is often true, why should saying it be offensive?

So, these two women don't have the right to say they hated breast feeding? I'd say that's entirely up to them. Some people don't take to it, they can then choose to give them bottles and should be free to do so without THEM being made to feel guilty by the 'breast is best' brigade. Can people not make up their own minds what they choose to do with their own breasts?

My midwife got it right, at last, during my 3rd pregnancy. With the first two I felt I was bullied into breastfeeding (I didn't do it anyway), made to feel guilty that I was doing my baby an injustice by not breastfeeding. With my 3rd, I was asked, told the benefits of it, told her no, she left it at that. Good, so she should, so they all should.

folkgirl you do realise that it will be up to your daughter and your [potential] daughter in law to decide what they do with their own bodies, don't you? Control freak or what.
OP you are being unreasonable to take someone else's opinions so personally.

I wouldn't be offended. They just don't know a lot about breastfeeding, probably have more experience of bottle feeding and therefore assume that feeding very frequently is abnormal and means there's something wrong. Its not their fault that they live in a society where awareness is low. If they're talking to you just explain thats its actually quite common. And don't be judgey...the sisters could be really struggling and desparate for sleep. I'm one of those people who desparately needs their eight hours and was almost unhinged by the end of the first six weeks (and my DS had the odd bottle of formula to get me through to be quite honest). There should be space for people to say just how insanely hard bfing can be without being accused of 'letting the side down'. You could also mention that they'll soon be able to express, which they might not even be aware of. If the sisters live locally you could say something along the lines of "I found X breastfeeding support group / clinic" helpful.

PS I should add that I'm quite bitter at people who go "Oh its totally natural for them to feed every two minutes for the first six weeks blah blah" in a way which obviously implies that I'm a failure as a mother for finding it extremely hard to cope with that.

DS's partner is going to BF with his support (when he gets one - he's 13 currently)

I agree with what others have said regarding the above.

Is going to?

Does she get a say in it at all?

My god, no wonder women feel so much pressure and judgement, somewhere out there, there is a female child whos future MIL has already decided how she will feed her newborn-with her husband/partners support lucky girl eh.

Yes I presume the 13 year old DS will allow the mother of his children some say in what she does with her body?

YABU to be offended - the comments weren't aimed AT you, were they?
But YANBU to be a bit put out at their ignorance - however, so long as their ignorant views don't impact on their sisters' bf'ing, then they don't matter.

BF'ing is such an emotive topic that I'm not surprised you were a bit upset, but really, don't be offended over it.

Silentboob -

I think it's rude and offensive to say you find someone breast feeding their baby 'ridiculous' and 'unnatural'.

"I think it's rude and offensive to say you find someone breast feeding their baby 'ridiculous' and 'unnatural'."

Just as well they never said that then.

No, they actually said that they thought constant feeding was ridiculous and unnatural, which is exactly how it would seem to people unfamiliar with breastfeeding. If your family and friends formula feed then thats what seems normal to you. And we don't know how often the babies are feeding (there may be a genuine problem). They just aren't particularly well-informed on the subject, and I'm not sure why we should expect them to be. And their comments aren't directed at the OPer. She could probably have fed her newborns Gregg's sausage rolls for all her work colleagues care.

Before children I had no idea that babies fed so often, slept so little, pooed so much & did very little else. I remember telling my cousin we had a 'no children' rule at our wedding and yes of course that included her baby - thankfully she had the sense to explain that no, leaving a 5 week old baby overnight really wasn't an option & I was being total arse & she was coming with baby or not at all she did come BTW). I reckon if she'd mentioned breastfeeding I probably would have suggested she hide in the toilet .
Ignore and acknowledge that actually most people don't have a clue until they go through it themselves.

I have to say the more I think about it the more I think it is offensive.
It would have been pretty offensive of me to suggest that if they had bottlefed their babies that they were doing something 'unnatural' - I don't think that, but that's exactly what they suggested about demand breast feeding.
There was a distinct undertone of 'she's only doing this because baby is pfb'
Both women have children, one breastfed for a week then gave up as she needed some me time and felt she had given her baby the best possible start.
Fair enough, but I can imagine her reaction if I had suggested that any part of her decision making was unnatural