Should DH go out.

[Snakeonaplane]

So our babysitter has cancelled on us at the last minute we have tried everyone we would be happy to leave dc with but no joy. We are supposed to be going to a friends party only for 3 hours, it would have been my first night out since the baby was born. I have been up at 6am expressing for the last couple of days to make sure that I left a good supply of milk, I bought a new dress and went and had some treatments, nails, hair cut etc, generally and obviously excited and the other desperate sad too

Dh is at work but I over heard him tell a friend earlier that if we couldn't sort a babysitter he would still go for a couple of hours. AIBU to feel a bit tearful about this? I know there is no point in us both staying home but I feel like at the moment could do with some solidarity.

Background is dh is very good and kind but works very long hours 6am until 9pm at least 3 days a week, regular hours the rest of the week and then at least one day of the weekend so I have spend lots of time with 3 dc. I'm tired and hormonal with new baby so need some perspective.

He should let you go!

Why can't you go on your own instead of DH?

Both go in relay.

Umm he should stay at home and you should go. Most definitely.

It's his friends b day but a lot of mutual friends will be there, going in relay isn't really a possibility because of the cost of us both getting there and back.

No, he shouldn't go out imho. Either he stays and babysits, enabling you to go because it's your first time out since the baby and you deserve it, or if you don't want to go alone he should stay in with you and you should have a nice night in together with movie, wine, food etc.

Is the party close enough for you to go for a couple of hours then swap with DH? If not then I don't see why he thinks he should go not you, is the person having the party mainly his friend?

Tell him how you feel, you'll work something out.

Ooh I like the idea of going in relay!

You must both be exhausted. I'm with princess, go in a relay. And being there on your own for a bit might give you a chance, if you need it, to remember that you are not only a wife and mother.

You should definitely go out, you have SO earned it!

The thing is, we live near his family not mine and they can't step in and do it for very understandable reasons but it makes me feel sad, I know if we lived near my dm or friends they would help out. Most of my friend are now his friends partners since I moved here with him but it means that when this happens I stay home

Agree with Bear that you should go - it's your first night out and you've done all the preparation (the milk & your treatments!). There shouldn't be an assumption that you're the one to stay behind if a babysitter cancels!

If it is his friend he ought to show his face, but if he knows you are disappointed, can he not look after the kids over the weekend and you can meet friends?

Dh is at his mates 50th tonight, we are both meant to go but I have dodged it. I plan to put the dc's to bed and then cook a nice curry, and veg out in front of Mnet. So I'm happy to keep you company

Why don't you arrange a sitter for tomorrow and you both go out somewhere nice for a meal? Sounds like you both have good reasons to let your hair down.

But he was wrong to assume that he'd be the one going, not you. Though since it is his friend's party I can sort of see why he'd make that assumption. But he really should have consulted you first to say that's what he'd like to do and would you mind?

Oh your making me all tearful, I stayed home the last couple of times because I was pregnant whilst he went out. The thing is if I point it out he will probably not go but that's not what I want either. I'm being very girly about all this.

Have you asked him if you can go? Or is he still at work?

Such a shame when you have got a new dress and everything!

No you are not being girly!

You've been looking forward to this!

Thanks Honey to be honest, I'm on mat leave and do get to meet friends for coffee etc during the day. I'm just disappointed that I'll spending yet another night on my own putting babies to bed, it's more bearable when I know it's because he's at work.

A shame you can't both go but as it is his friend it's more than reasonable for him to assume that he will be the one going.

I'm sure off the situation was reversed you would go.

Has the babysitter not replaced herself? Dreadful babysitter etiquette. Does she have a sister or friend she can recommend? A neighbour?

Do you want to go?

You could always re-book babysitter and go out next weekend - put the milk in the freezer and you're all ready.

I do think that if it is his friend then he should go tbh.

He's still at work. I don't want to ruin his night either tis just a shit situation and exhaustion has probably got the better of me. Was bloody looking forward to a mojito too

If you had to stay in when your were pregnant then after birth you can go out as much as you want and he looks after the kids whilst you get drunk/lie in. Thats what my DH says and I think thats fair.