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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should DH go out.

74 replies

Snakeonaplane · 27/01/2012 18:18

So our babysitter has cancelled on us at the last minute we have tried everyone we would be happy to leave dc with but no joy. We are supposed to be going to a friends party only for 3 hours, it would have been my first night out since the baby was born. I have been up at 6am expressing for the last couple of days to make sure that I left a good supply of milk, I bought a new dress and went and had some treatments, nails, hair cut etc, generally and obviously excitedSad and the other desperate sad too Grin

Dh is at work but I over heard him tell a friend earlier that if we couldn't sort a babysitter he would still go for a couple of hours. AIBU to feel a bit tearful about this? I know there is no point in us both staying home but I feel like at the moment could do with some solidarity.

Background is dh is very good and kind but works very long hours 6am until 9pm at least 3 days a week, regular hours the rest of the week and then at least one day of the weekend so I have spend lots of time with 3 dc. I'm tired and hormonal with new baby so need some perspective.

OP posts:
IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 27/01/2012 19:03

Have you actually talked t o your dh about it yet?

Original poster
Snakeonaplane · 27/01/2012 19:06

No, I had sorted out a back up plan last time I spoke to him but that fell through too. But I do know my dh and am 99.9% sure that he will be going and I was there when he told his other colleague he'd be going no matter what.

OP posts:
ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 27/01/2012 19:09

Ah - double crap then if your mate is still going to the party and it's going to be very glam!!

Of course you want him to want to stay home and make a nice evening of it - it's only natural and only natural to feel a bit upset that he doesn't feel like that.

Original poster
Snakeonaplane · 27/01/2012 19:14

Oh the glamour 4yo just sharted on my bed. Never thrust a fart Grin

OP posts:
Bloodyhellthathurts · 27/01/2012 19:16

You've earned a nice night. Whether that's going out or a lovely night in with your dh. Either you go or he stays at home.

fridakahlo · 27/01/2012 19:18

You are being reasonable and should to talk to your husband even if you start it something along the lines of 'I don't expect you to do anything but I just want you to know how this has made me feel...'
Not talking about it would lead me to feel very resentful and he should have talked to you about it regardless of what happens.

Original poster
Snakeonaplane · 27/01/2012 19:37

Yes I know. Resentful is exactly what I'm becoming have just been mentally cataloguing all the times he has been out when I had to stay home. I just don't want to feel like a nag and that I always have to ask him to stay home. I would never leave him in the same circumstances.

OP posts:
molly3478 · 27/01/2012 19:40

Thats why I think he is being very unreasonable. DH is out tonight and I have 9 weeks to go until our 2nd baby he has been saying all through I know its not fair but you will get spoilt when the baby is born you can go out when you want and I will look after DDS and let you have lots of extra lie ins. Thats from me not even mentioning it. Its fair that way and makes me feel appreciated having to carry the baby for 9 months.

Original poster
Snakeonaplane · 27/01/2012 20:06

molly he isn't bad, I do get lie ins I have had flowers during the week and been collected by him and taken out to lunch for no particular reason. I do feel appreciated. He works hard. It's just that I'm sad at not being able to go and it feels like a bit of an injustice if be goes. I've also had a particularly shit week which is probably clouding things. I suppose for me what I would like is fir him to come home and say hey that's shit but we're in this together of us can't go neither of us should go. I really wouldn't want to go without him.

OP posts:
molly3478 · 27/01/2012 20:09

Sorry I meant lie ins fom a night out. If he went out when you were pregnant then he should let you do a lot of going out nights to catch up, but I can see why you are annoyed he should offer and want to do that of his own free will. If I was in your situation I would feel this was a massive injustice and I know my DH would feel awful in leaving me in that situation after I had had 9 months of not being out

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/01/2012 20:13

This thread has made me feel sad. Why don't you talk to him but in a nice way? Say that you are feeling a bit like you never get a night out and that the babysitter was booked for both of you, not just you, OP. Say that you would like to add up the baby free time and cash it in at some point. Maybe a weekend in your home town with your friends and family while he holds the fort. After you stop BFing. Then you will have a big, fun thing to look forward to and he will understand that this costs you something.

molly3478 · 27/01/2012 20:18

OP you have had 27 whole months of not being able to go out and drink and have a laugh if you have been pregnant 3 times. Now heknows this and knows you have no babysitter and has said he will definitely be out? Im sorry to me I think its completely selfish regardless of whatever else he does, especially as you have had treatments and your friend is coming.

Original poster
Snakeonaplane · 27/01/2012 20:19

Oh dear mrs TP you have started me off again! DH would have no problem minding the babies whilst I went out another night whatsoever it's just that I have been so looking forward to going out with him and now I'll be sat at home whilst he is out. It's been a long pregnancy and I'm a social creature!

Would you believe that dd has just blown a fuse and all the lights have gone out so I'm sat snivelling in the dark bloody hell how dramaticGrin. He should be home in a min so will update soon. Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Snakeonaplane · 27/01/2012 20:20

Molly all babies 2 weeks late so can you chalk an extra six weeks onto that for effect please Grin

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 27/01/2012 20:24

Oh, Snakeonaplane I didn't mean to set you off... and in the dark as well Grin I don't like when DH goes out with the boys (and they are boys) because we moved near his friends and family and away from mine so I miss out.

However, one good thing has come out of this. DD was almost three weeks late and it hadn't occurred to me that I could add that to the tally. Thanks!

Original poster
Snakeonaplane · 27/01/2012 20:26

3 weeks is extra, weeks overdue are like dog yearsGrin

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 27/01/2012 20:29

Thanks goodness my Mum swears she was 6 weeks and 4 weeks late with my brother and I so i expected a hanger on. Otherwise I would have been climbing the walls!

Original poster
Snakeonaplane · 27/01/2012 20:54

Quick update, dh came home and said he wasn't going if I couldn't come Shock he has even gone to get food for us. Planning on drinking the fizz that was given to me after the birth of dd that I still haven't felt up to drinking for fear of sleeping for a hundred years. So this was a non thread,sort of, still flaming disappointed that we aren't going out and on the plus side I can take these flaming spanx of and breathe againSmile.

Can I just say that MN really is lovely sometimes and reminds me that the majority of people are really nice and the arseholes are few and far between.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 27/01/2012 20:57

Hooray, DH is nice and all is right with the world. Well done, MrSnakeonaplane

Original poster
Snakeonaplane · 27/01/2012 21:06

Ha, I better wait until he gets back from getting our food before I count my chickens, he may well just have made a quick getaway.

I guess he knows my limit has been reached Grin. I better think of some exciting conversation now!

OP posts:
SuePurblybilt · 27/01/2012 21:09

I like your name. Best Film Ever.

minimisschief · 27/01/2012 22:04

well it is his friend so he should go out.Why don't you arange a night out with your friends for another night?

you also haven't mentioned if he has been out since the baby arrived.

TartyMcFarty · 27/01/2012 22:57

Read the thread.

TartyMcFarty · 27/01/2012 22:57

Enjoy, snake.

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