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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should DH go out.

74 replies

Snakeonaplane · 27/01/2012 18:18

So our babysitter has cancelled on us at the last minute we have tried everyone we would be happy to leave dc with but no joy. We are supposed to be going to a friends party only for 3 hours, it would have been my first night out since the baby was born. I have been up at 6am expressing for the last couple of days to make sure that I left a good supply of milk, I bought a new dress and went and had some treatments, nails, hair cut etc, generally and obviously excitedSad and the other desperate sad too Grin

Dh is at work but I over heard him tell a friend earlier that if we couldn't sort a babysitter he would still go for a couple of hours. AIBU to feel a bit tearful about this? I know there is no point in us both staying home but I feel like at the moment could do with some solidarity.

Background is dh is very good and kind but works very long hours 6am until 9pm at least 3 days a week, regular hours the rest of the week and then at least one day of the weekend so I have spend lots of time with 3 dc. I'm tired and hormonal with new baby so need some perspective.

OP posts:
ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 27/01/2012 18:34

Have sent you a PM - it's safe to open :)

Original poster
Snakeonaplane · 27/01/2012 18:36

Ah the babysitter was a good friend who was doing me a favour but her dd has a vomming bug. Dd is only 6 weeks so wouldn't leave her with many people have phoned our nanny but typically she is away and ils can't do it.

OP posts:
Honeydragon · 27/01/2012 18:37

It does suck though when you've been looking forward to a night out and then only one of you can go.

Bank the money from the baby sitter and book another night just for the two of you?

Spend the money on a delicious take away and make him stay in?

PfftTheMagicDraco · 27/01/2012 18:37

It's his friends birthday, so really, he should go. If it were anything else, then I would say it would be decent of him to let you go.

But if it were the birthday of your friend, you would expect to go, no?

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 27/01/2012 18:38

It is crap that your DH has said this without even talking to you. I know that in some ways it's pointless you both missing out & it is his friends birthday, but even so... he should have spoken to you first.

Oakmaiden · 27/01/2012 18:39

Is it a party in someone's home or a public place? Just that my parents used to take me all sorts of places in my moses basket when @I was a baby (certainly to dinner parties at other people's houses, but also on occasion to "do"'s at the Officers Mess - where I think they used to leave me asleep in the ladies loo... Hmm - not advocating that, but if it is at someone's house it might be OK...)

TidyDancer · 27/01/2012 18:39

Well tbh, since it's his friend, I think it's understandable that if one of you was to go out, it would be him. I don't think he's unreasonable to feel like that (although given the circumstances, it would be polite to run it by you). But I do get why you're upset about this, and I'd like to think if this was DP and I, the default option would be for us to have a quiet night in on the sofa.

Gribble · 27/01/2012 18:40

i think as its his friend he should go. You should arrange a night out with your mates soon though.

DS2 is 4 months and Ive still not been out Sad

rhondajean · 27/01/2012 18:41

Oh what a shame, and noones fault, and everyone pulling their weight. The only two fair things are either stay in and get a takeaway, or flip a coin for who goes. If its his mate, hes probably thinking he doesn't want to let him down which is why he said he would pop along.

You seem to have it Sussed - just such a shame about the big.

kerala · 27/01/2012 18:42

If she's 6 weeks could you not just take the baby? I remember going to a party with some friends who brought their newborn we shared a cab - the baby was put in a bedroom as it was a house party they had a good time. That said it was a house party this wouldn't work if in a pub or club.

Original poster
Snakeonaplane · 27/01/2012 18:45

When I say mate I use the term loosely, they are colleagues sort. Hard to explain without outing myself. My good friend has travelled to be here too. It's in a bar otherwise I would take ddGrin

chipping have pm'd you back, Thanks.

OP posts:
PenguinArmy · 27/01/2012 18:46

oh you bitch! now I really want a mojito Grin

molly3478 · 27/01/2012 18:47

I think you should go out tommorow night there is no way I think its fair taht you didnt drink for 9 months and now cant go out as he is going out. Get out tommorow night he should be falling all over himself to do it for you

kerala · 27/01/2012 18:47

OK not sure 6 week olds and pubs and clubs are a great combination Grin. That said we went out for DHs 30th to a gastro pub and shoved DD (then 4 months) under the table in her car seat the waiter was shocked at the end of the evening as she slept throughout...

molly3478 · 27/01/2012 18:47

sorry tonight!

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 27/01/2012 18:48

Trouble is you've still got the other 2. How old are they? Could you drop them off with someone on the way and take the baby with you?
I'm annoyed for you, there must be a way!

Original poster
Snakeonaplane · 27/01/2012 18:48

I might put my dress on and do the washing up whilst drinking vodka, I could put post it's on the bottles so dh knows what to do.

OP posts:
Inertia · 27/01/2012 18:49

Oh if your good friend has travelled to go to the party then that trumps work colleague!

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 27/01/2012 18:49

Move nearer and your babysitting issues would be sorted :) x

Any chance your friend would come and spend the evening with you instead??

rhondajean · 27/01/2012 18:49

Actually now that the smoking ban is there, couldn't you take the baby for the early part of the do? Even in a pub? I used to with dd2 although admittedly it was at lunchtimes.

You could only stay on hour though! Home then and you'd need to find another way to amuse yourselves...

rhondajean · 27/01/2012 18:50

Oh there's two more! Sorry silly me.

Original poster
Snakeonaplane · 27/01/2012 18:50

Sometimes being a responsible adult really sucks.

OP posts:
Original poster
Snakeonaplane · 27/01/2012 18:53

Chipping, I'll try and sell it to dh. No chance of friend coming over she is with her dp who is also a friend Of the guy. She's excited too. Was goi g to be a very glamorous affair [hummmpph]

OP posts:
peeriebear · 27/01/2012 18:56

Why don't you just, honestly, tell DH how much this means to you to go out and feel like a grown up for one night? How much you've been looking forward to it and how disappointed you're feeling?

Original poster
Snakeonaplane · 27/01/2012 19:03

I suppose because I don't really want him to miss out because of me. What I want is for him to come home say oh crap, never mind it will be lovely to spend and evening with you let's get a take away crack open some wine and we'll go out another night. What will happen is that I'll do all the dc stuff on my own again. I will spend another night on my own, he will come in at 2 and wake me up, I shall be up at 4 and 6 with the baby, he will go to work tomorrow and the perpetual week will begin again. I wouldn't go without him but of course he will go without me or make me feel bad about him not going.

OP posts:
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