to take an extra 3 months maternity leave when we really can't afford it??

[milkysmum]

ds is coming up to 4 months old. We also have a dd age nearly 3. Last time I went back to work after 6 months as we could not afford to manage on SMP only. I always felt afterwards this was too early and wished I'd have spent more time at home with my baby. This time I very early made the decision to take 9 months off and we would 'just somehow manage'. Reality is now creeping in as we are struggling on the already reduced wage. To afford the extra 3 months off we will need to take a 3 month mortgage payment and pretty much use a credit card for food bills etc. DH last night mentioned that maybe I will need to go back to work when ds is 6 months old not 9 months. So AIBU to put the family under financial pressure like this when i could go back to work earlier than originally planned? (If I could arrange nursery place sooner than I have already got it reserved for).

Tough one. Hoe hard would it be to get out of the debt you get into? No cutbacks you can make? Cause if you can't afford it you can't afford it, sadly.

Are you due any tax back? Check with HMRC.

It's a tough one but how much difference would an extra 3 months make to you and the baby anyway?

I'm sure you'll still dread going back and still miss him either way.

If you know you'll regret it forever then take the extra precious time off with ds.

Can you take a payment break from your mortgage?

Personally, I think YABU to take the extra time off but only you know your family and its circumstances.

I went back to work after 8 weeks with mine. Time is nice but money is essential!

I'll be harsh here and say YABU if you take an extra 3 months and as a result you have to live off your credit cards. Those credit card bills will take a lot longer than 3 months to repay I would imagine and you may as well get it over with and return to work sooner rather than later.

It's always shite returning to after m/l but if you stretch it to 9 months are you going to want to then stretch it to 12 months??

I would just go back after 6 months, as soon as you are in the swing of things it wont be so bad :)

I would say YABU if it mean racking up credit card debts that will take years to pay off. If it was just a 3 month mortgage holiday that would be different.

I suspect that even if you have 9 months off you will feel it is not long enough.

FWIW I had 6 months off with my first and 9 months off with my second. It was much harder (from my point of view) to leave the 2nd one. Plus whereas my oldest settled straight into nursery with the 2nd one separation anxiety had kicked in and she was very unhappy with the whole going to nursery thing.

yanbu

take the time off. financial struggles come and go-this time with your baby will not.

Would take a 3 month mortgage holiday and could cut down to basic buying only. I'm a community nurse so work from home not an option. Actually DH is self employed so maybe due some tax back- will look into that... Would not be complete credit card spending just too top up at end of month i imagine.

I had a year off with DS and only 4 months with DD. I can't say there has been any noticeable difference in my relationship with them - the only thing I found a bit difficult was feeling that I wasn't quite as "in touch" with DD's early development - eg when to start weaning, nap routine etc but if you have a good relationship with the CM / nursery that can be resolved. The other factor in my decision was that DS was quite upset but the change from full time at home to 2 days at the CM and had disrupted sleep etc for a long time because he was 13 months when we started. DD has not had to face this change since she's been used to it from such a young age..If you DO go down the credit card route, do a 0% balance transfer once you go back to work.

I agree with theidsalright - there are ways of clearing debt, see if you can get a break on your mortgage or any extra benefit help wtc? sell stuff on ebay? borrow money from family rather than credit cards. Sod the money and spend time with your baby - the time goes so quick. try and live as frugally as possible - can you grow some potatoes or tomatoes? bake your own bread - look to see where you can cut back on food and cut down on gas bills etc - you can do it!

If it's a small credit card debt (I thought you meant using the card to buy all of your stuff for three months!) then it might well be manageable. But remember to factor in your budget for the next couple of years how you are going to repay the credit card debt.

I am totally with redsky on this.
I had 3 months off with dc1 and 6 months with dc2. I found the 3 month old settled in childcare without any problem, whereas the 6 month old took a couple of week. Colleagues who have even longer than that, seem to have even more problems. Ironically, although the lengthy maternity leaves available now are nice for mum, they're perhaps not so good for the baby in terms of separation anxiety. So it may all backfire on you anyway if you take longer off and your child doesn't settle well.

The bottom line is, if you can't afford it, it's madness to give yourself major money worries over this. You need to do what is best for the whole family- and if that means returning to work after 6 months then you're being sensible and unselfish doing that. Credit card bills are a nightmare- don't go there

YANBU The extra time will be worth it unless you get into serious debt. is there any way you could cut your hours/work from home etc to spend more time with DC if you do have to go back earlier? I hated going back after DD1 but had to and back then it was 16 weeks mat leave. She hated full time nursery so when I was having DD2 I quit to be a SAHM. Luckily DH got a better job eventually and his job hours made me working impossible. If you want more time at home it may be worth looking at other options in the long term even if you have to go back sooner short term.

i would take the time off.

If u can manage with taking the time off do it, baby's arnt baby's for long :)

I am in the same situation as you except 2nd baby not here yet! DH and I have decided that I won't get the time back with the baby but we can pay the money back over time (if that makes sense..!) In an ideal world we would gave saved to cover the extra months mat leave but things haven't worked out as we hoped. We are covering it with a small loan and very strict budget. For me those extra 3 months are going to make a big difference phsycologically (sp?) as I felt I went back too early 1st time round. Good luck!

I would take the time off, unless it's going to mean you loose your house or something irreparable like that. Leaving a 9 month old will be hard, but is much better than leaving a 6 month old IMO.

I wouldn't be happy about putting a baby in a nursery, I'd rather use a childminder (if I couldn't afford a nanny), but I presume part of the reason for the nursery is that you already have DD there? So, I would stay home as long as possible with DS, give him as much one to one care as you can. You can pay back the visa debt over time (as others have said, switch to the 0%). There is something to be said for settling them in younger though as at 9 months the separation anxiety can be worse and not much fun for anyone - so pro's & con's either way. I'll keep my fingers crossed you get a lottery win between now & then!

i was the only one working and took the time off - just the 9 months SMP - it actually didn't make sense to go back cos i wouldn't earn much more!

check your Tax credits claim if you are eligible for CTX/ WTX - there is a £100pw income disregard for SMP (so whilst you are on mat leave, you can deduct £100 for every week in that year spent on mat leave for the total entered in the 'income' box on your tax credit claim form)

On the assumption you can arrange good childcare, then your DS will be well looked after and perfectly happy.

Which comes first: your need to be present for a few weeks now? Or the need to balance the family budget, which gives the foundation for fewer worries an a more enjoyable family life through all the many years of it you have ahead?

You DH, presumably, knows your views on timing of return and until recently was supportive. That he is raising the financial need is strongly suggestive that the financial picture may be rather worse than you have portrayed it here.

Starting nursery at 6 months will be easier on your DS in terms of separation anxiety/settling in than starting at 9 months, so it might be good to go back a bit earlier.

Do you have any holiday accrued? Could you use it to go back 3 or 4 days a week for the first few months?

Also maybe a childminder would be gentler on a 6 month old than a nursery?