to take an extra 3 months maternity leave when we really can't afford it??

[milkysmum]

ds is coming up to 4 months old. We also have a dd age nearly 3. Last time I went back to work after 6 months as we could not afford to manage on SMP only. I always felt afterwards this was too early and wished I'd have spent more time at home with my baby. This time I very early made the decision to take 9 months off and we would 'just somehow manage'. Reality is now creeping in as we are struggling on the already reduced wage. To afford the extra 3 months off we will need to take a 3 month mortgage payment and pretty much use a credit card for food bills etc. DH last night mentioned that maybe I will need to go back to work when ds is 6 months old not 9 months. So AIBU to put the family under financial pressure like this when i could go back to work earlier than originally planned? (If I could arrange nursery place sooner than I have already got it reserved for).

If you can't afford it then don't do it.

People do have different levels of "can't afford" though - if you mean you'd have to cut back on things then you'll have to choose between taking the extra time but not having as much spending money vs going back. If you mean you'd not be able to pay bills or buy food then of course YWBU to not go back to work.

I wouldn't look at it from a separation anxiety point of view. It's normal for 9-12mo to experience this, whether their mum is back at work or not. They're all different. I have a couple of friends who went back at 6m and their babies are just as clingy as my 11mo (I got back next month).

If you can afford to repay the debt then I would take the time.

Don't put you family into debt to stay ay home when you can't afford it.

It would be very selfish.

In 30 year's time will you regret taking the time off, or not taking the time off? I think you need to decide which will have lasting impact.

JugsMcGee - I wasn't suggesting starting at 6 months would mean no separation anxiety as most/all babies experience it, just that it is very tough on a baby to start childcare at the height of separation anxiety. Settling in somewhere before SA kicks in makes the transition a lot easier.

Agree Rita. Separation anxiety is a Normal developmental stage. It's not something that only happens with babies who are with another form of childcare. It's just worth thinking about, because the best time to start leaving a child is perhaps not when this is at its height . It's an interesting point, because this is one downside of maternity leave nowadays. Many of my colleagues take a year off now, returning when their baby is around 11 months and I'm aware that their children take longer to settle than was the case with us 40+ women who had short MLs

I have had to make this decision recently. We have taken the decision to go into debt for me to have an extra eight weeks off. I was feeling panicked at the thought of going back as ds2 just isn't sleeping. And I went back earlier with ds1 and I've always regretted it since.

We have taken the long term view, but would add that I am paid, although not amazingly, well enough to be able to stand the debt.

I don't want to miss out on this time with both ds. I've loved my mat leave and if it was an option would be a sahm in a heart beat.

Is there a compromise - go back after 7 months or 8 months maybe? Or go back part time (or more part time if you are already part time) for a while? Have you taken all the holiday accrued while on mat leave already or could you take some of that? Does your h have any holiday owing that he could take - it would be easier to leave the baby with him rather than in a nursery.

Not sure really, If you went back earlier would it be easier to go back more part time at the beginning so you ease children into nursery and get used to being back gradually? My friend went back at 6 months due to being the main money earner and she managed to save holiday in advance so she took 2 days holiday a week for first 8 weeks back which meant she was being paid in full but easing back in gradually.

I wouldn't buy food on a credit card if I could avoid it. In your shoes I'd go back to work at 6 months.

Unless you could fine an interest free on purchases card and felt confident you'd be able to pay it back in full quickly when you get back to work.

YANBU. Take the time as you won't get it back. Money...it comes and goes.

AThingInYourIfe how is it selfish when she's thinking of her family??? the very dillema is family based! It's not only herself she wants the time off for! It is her baby too.

Do you imagine she's wanting to rest her arse a bit longer? Or be there for her child as long as she can?

How long will it take to get out of debt?

I would probably do it. You will never get this time back with your baby.

YABU based on the circumstances, My DD is 8 weeks old and I contacted my boss yesterday about going back to work. It breaks my heart to leave DD as ideally I would be there for her but the alternative is no money as DH has been made redundant and he is only getting contribution based JSA. Sometimes you have to do horrible things to provide for your family. I am also job hunting to find a full time job.

I also left my children early - about 3 months old. I felt very bad about it beforehand but in retrospect I think it was possibly easier for them than being left at 9 months would have been. At the height of separation anxiety the only person I could leave them with without screaming was the childminder.

I don't think it's worth it

Not so long ago we only got 6 months anyway, so mine went back at 5 months to nursery as I tools few weeks before thebirth

What if you stick it all on credit cards and then dh 's work drys up or you get made redundant? Then you'll be unable to pay them off

Have you thought about a loan instead? This might be paid off quicker and might be easier to committ to paying off as it will be a set amount - rather than a credit card where you would probably just end up paying the minimum balance and the credit card debt hanging around longer than a loan (and being more expensive).

Also why not try for somewhere in between as someone else said and maybe have 10 of 11 months off.

Unless you easily pay it off again within 3 months once you start working again then yabu. Debts (cc or otherwise) have a nasty habit of accumulating. I'm not even sure you'd necessarily get a payment holiday and you really need to request asap if you are even to consider it as an option - presumably you only have a few weeks before you need to give notice of return if you decide to.

Don't put your family into debt OP. Debt is on eof the most stressful things any family can suffer and will hang over you all.

Can you manage extra time off without debt? Are there other ways?

I just dont think you CAN take it, you cant afford it! sorry but how can you???? I get it, but gazilllions of us have to go back at 6 mo for same reason. its hard, but I think the comensurate financial stress will be harder

make the most of edvenings weekends and time will fly by xx

I also think you need to take the long view on this, rather than a short term emotive one.

When people say 'which will you regret in 30 years time- missing 3 extra months maternity leave or getting into debt?' I'm not sure its particularly relevant or helpful. People make the decisions which are right for their family at the particular time.
I returned to work when dc1 was 3 months old because we couldn't afford the extra 3 months (unpaid) leave. With dc2 , we could just about afford it, so I took it.
Do I look back and regret how things were with dc1? Do I feel she got a 'worse' deal? No. If its any consolation, now both of them are teenagers, they are both equally well adjusted and confident. The only short term difference as I mentioned earlier is that dc1 settled in childcare with no problem, because it's actually easier to leave a u

Leave a younger child. Also for me, with expressing milk it was physically more demanding to go back earlier. Those are the only differences. In the long term it really honestly won't matter. If you can afford longer and want it- do it. If you can't, don't beat yourself up.

You need to sit down with your DH and plan this out financially. Where will you save during your ML and how much debt will you build up? When you go back to work, how much can you afford to put aside to pay off debts and how long will that take? What sacrifices will need to be made for this?

Only then can you decide whether it's worth it. If 3 months ML means no holiday next year, you might be ok with that. If it means a few years with no savings and very basic living, you might feel that jeopardises the family too much for it to be worth it. You will only know when you've done the sums, and then it should be your joint decision (DH and you) if it's the right thing to do.

I intend to go back part-time and I've done something similar to see how it will impact the family. Building up unknown debts and keeping your fingers crossed it will all work out is a very bad strategy if you have a family.

YANBU. You have the rest of your life to make your fortune.