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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to take an extra 3 months maternity leave when we really can't afford it??

77 replies

milkysmum · 27/01/2012 11:58

ds is coming up to 4 months old. We also have a dd age nearly 3. Last time I went back to work after 6 months as we could not afford to manage on SMP only. I always felt afterwards this was too early and wished I'd have spent more time at home with my baby. This time I very early made the decision to take 9 months off and we would 'just somehow manage'. Reality is now creeping in as we are struggling on the already reduced wage. To afford the extra 3 months off we will need to take a 3 month mortgage payment and pretty much use a credit card for food bills etc. DH last night mentioned that maybe I will need to go back to work when ds is 6 months old not 9 months. So AIBU to put the family under financial pressure like this when i could go back to work earlier than originally planned? (If I could arrange nursery place sooner than I have already got it reserved for).

OP posts:

Ciske · 29/01/2012 10:49

YANBU. You have the rest of your life to make your fortune.

Or, if they plan this badly, the rest of their lifes to get out of the cycle of debt. They wouldn't be the first in the backruptcy queue who started out with a bit of debt hoping it would all work out ok, and then spiralled out of control. Common sense and planning are boring, but it keeps a lot of people out of misery.

MidnightinMoscow · 29/01/2012 11:02

Could you do some KIT days over the next three months? You get things like your mandatory training done etc, and you would get paid for each days work.

PopcornBiscuit · 29/01/2012 11:12

But then, I'm familiar with not being able to afford to return to work so soon even if I'd wished to, as my income wouldn't cover childcare costs. To me, anyone who earns more than the childcare costs is relatively well-off.

PopcornBiscuit · 29/01/2012 11:18

Disclaimer before I get flamed... obviously my last post was a generalisation and things aren't that simple for everyone. I do know what debt is like, but some of us don't have the choice to work anyway if we can't afford childcare. And we're still here.

mamasin · 29/01/2012 11:19

I've always gone back to work after about 6 months with each of my dc. I found it more difficult the last time because dd2 is definitely our last. However, it was great to be well established back at work, baby started weaning and money still coming in. Check your AL accrued, trust me leave is lovely but not if you don't have money for coffees, play centres and lunches even if only every now and then. Don't feel guilty either way, you and your dh will make the decision together based on all the family's needs.

callmemrs · 29/01/2012 11:23

I don't think people who can 'afford' childcare are necessarily even relatively well off. You may be left with a very small amount of money after paying childcare, but if you need that money to pay the rent and bills then needs must. Most people struggle with childcare bills. In fact I don't know anyone who has paid pre- school childcare bills without it hitting them hard.

RitaMorgan · 29/01/2012 11:35

Popcorn, few people are lucky enough to cover their rent and bills on one salary. Being able to have a SAHP is for the relatively well off.

PopcornBiscuit · 29/01/2012 11:42

Actually Rita our income is approx £20,000 which is not "relatively well off". We live in a modest terraced house, go out perhaps twice a year, never travel abroad, have a very old car, and yes it's a struggle and we have no disposable income.

If I went out to work I would not even have a "small amount of money" left after childcare costs, my income would not be anywhere near even covering the costs. Yes we "need" me to go out to work in terms of needing more money to live on - but we would be worse off if I did.

So it's a myth that I must be financially "well off" as a SAHM.

KatAndKit · 29/01/2012 11:48

Agree with popcorn - a good friend of mine has only recently started to be "in profit" by going to work part time, now that she has one in school and one who is old enough for free government nursery time. Before that, when she was paying for childminding for all the time she was at work, she barely broke even but was doing it so that she had the job, knowing that it would become more profitable later, and because she enjoyed it and wanted to get into that line of work. But until now she would not really have been worse off staying at home.

NinkyNonker · 29/01/2012 11:51

Look, how much can you afford to repay when you return? I mean, I am HUGELY debt averse having had a pretty lax reationship with money when I was single and earning a lot, so it freaks me out now. We have the mortgage, and one small credit card used to build DH a car. But we looked at our budget, looked at how much per month we could afford to spend, how long we could have interest free and that was the budget for the build. Not a penny more. And within that budgeting we left scope for interest rate increases on the mortgage, incidental spending etc. If you would be putting your family into a precarious financial position then I think it would be selfish, and I speak as a SAHM. A couple of months here and there will not have a lasting impact on your child, as long as you have good childcare (I second the childminder suggestion). You and DH do have to be in agreement on this as well. Is the very good suggestion by a poster earlier of perhaps just an extra month, or going part-time an option?

I am completely sympathetic though, although I may not sound it.

Florieinaweddingdress · 29/01/2012 11:56

I'd be careful about trying to go back too early. I put my DC in nursery because we needed more money (and because I wanted to go back). We've both been sick so much since that I'm nearly about to lose my job from it. DC hadn't built up a strong enough immune system to handle nursery.

It might not happen to you, but it's something I hadn't considered.

KatieScarlett2833 · 29/01/2012 11:58

i went back at 4 months with both. We needed the money

Can't say it has been in any way a disadvantage. Having a fortune of debt for the sake of another 3 months would have be much worse than the short-term angst of going back to work early. You still have to go back eventually.

RitaMorgan · 29/01/2012 12:01

Presumably you would get TCs if you worked though Popcorn?

Sounds like you are very lucky to have low housing costs. Our joint income is not much more than yours and there is no option for me not to work as we wouldn't be able to pay the rent.

Rollersara · 29/01/2012 12:04

What NinkyNonker said, have a good look at your finances and see exactly what it would cost. I've just gone on maternity leave and am deciding when to go back (work assume you take 12 months unless otherwise stated ). So I'm taking six months, plus the holiday I'll accrue (6 weeks or so) plus some savings I built up to cover when I'm on SMP, plus a week I hope to build up as KIT days. So nearly nine months without debt...

Do you know if you accrue annual leave? I don't know how common it is, but I think it's normal for civil servants...

BadPoet · 29/01/2012 12:07

Didn't go back after dd, we relocated while on mat leave so I had to give up my job (I did work a bit from home though).

I started a job when she was nearly 3 & I was 4m pregnant with ds and went back when he was 5 months.

I honestly feel it hasn't made a difference to my relationship with him.

I was part-time though, are you full time? (Sorry if you've said)

BeattieBow · 29/01/2012 12:11

can you stagger your return? so go back part time for say 3 months and then ft after that? I'm thinking of doing that - I get 18 weeks full pay plus accumulated leave on top and can't really afford to take any time after that.

PopcornBiscuit · 29/01/2012 12:43

We don't have low housing costs Rita, just have to borrow to afford it for the time being, hence my comment to the OP about swallowing it now but hopefully making one's "fortune" (or repayments) in the future.

callmemrs · 29/01/2012 13:32

If you are on a low income, you qualify for tax credits so you're not paying anywhere near full childcare costs. I know people who get up to 75% paid.

PopcornBiscuit · 29/01/2012 13:58

Actually even with Tax Credits it's a well-known problem that some parents are pretty much priced out of the workplace.

The Guardian - Childcare costs force poorest families into debt

Referring to a study by Save the Children and the Daycare Trust:

"For four out of 10 families the cost of childcare is on a par with mortgage or rent payments, the study showed.

Of those families in severe poverty, nearly half have cut back on food to afford childcare and 58% said they were, or would be, no better off working once childcare was paid for.

The research found that parents, regardless of income, cannot afford not to work but struggle to pay for childcare, and despite many parents cutting back their spending almost a quarter are in debt because of childcare costs."

BBC - Childcare costs 'pricing parents out of work'

The Family Finance Report by Aviva states "The average woman with two children (one year and seven years old) would be out of pocket by £98 per month if she worked part time, and better off by just £120 per month if she worked full time".

PopcornBiscuit · 29/01/2012 14:01

Anyhow, to get back to the OP... these are some of the pros and cons you'll be needing to consider.

3 months more leave may not make an enormous difference to you financially over your lifetime - or it might, if you get into a spiral of debt with no means of escape even three months later when you return to work. But only you can decide.

Good luck!

FessaEst · 29/01/2012 14:27

KIT days could be really useful to you, you can take 10 & be paid for them. Depending on how many hours you work you may be able to stretch the time out with KIT & A/L.

Do you have other ways of making money-could you rent a room out?

Florieinaweddingdress · 29/01/2012 14:36

popcorn is right. I work part time and childcare costs more than our rent. I guess I make maybe £100 - £200 a month. That's for working about eighty hours. I only do it because I don't want to lose my job.

callmemrs · 29/01/2012 14:54

The other thing you really need to consider op is that your rights are not as secure after additional ML. If its absolutely essential to you To retain your exact post, and not something 'equivalent' then that is another issue to factor in.

Methe · 29/01/2012 15:00

They are only babies once! You will only ever get to spend that time with them once.. Do it!

If we're saying 6mo old going in to child are is easier for the baby that 9mo then why not just start them off at a couple of days when they really don't know any better

As long as your not going to lose your house over it, stay home with your babies for as long as you can :)

ComposHat · 29/01/2012 15:01

Don't know about you, but I would not be able to enjoy the additional time out of the workplace.

I would spend that three months shitting myself about how we were going to eat, being cold and miserable because I couldn't afford heat and how we'd ever get out of the debt we were racking up. I'd be a stressed anxious parent.

If you feel you can manage that, you're made of sterner mental stuff than me, depends how quickly you think you can get out of the debt you'd be acquiring, have you thought about how you'd deal with any other emergencies that would come your way? Parnter losing job/House damage/interest rate rise/rent increase?

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