texts from friends "I'm pregnant - Unplanned"..

[HappyJoyful]

I'm possibly an unreasonable bitter twisted woman... BUT, having undergone 5 cycles of IVF to finally have our daughter - am I right to be a bit peeved by a friends? - "I'm pregnant - UNPLANNED" 3rd pregnancy ?? just the words unplanned / not planned pregnancy to anyone that has been through a battle with IVF (which said friend know's about) is a bit upsetting right ?

You can't help how you feel, but it's not like your friend has deliberately done this to 'rub salt in your wounds' either. It must be tough for you, and yanbu to feel upset, but try not to "blame" her or take it personally, or it could eat away at your friendship :( Just enjoy your DD and try not to dwell on the "might have beens"

All things are relative. An unplanned pregnancy is a bit of a shocker. Your friend obviously needs some kind words.

Maybe your friend is upset at being unexpectedly pregnant? Also if she is shocked she probably isn't thinking straight.

I imagine she didn't mean to upset you... and unplanned pregnancies can be very stressful so maybe that is why she mentioned it, so you wouldn't go Ott with congratulations?

Or maybe she thought unplanned would seem better than telling you they had wanted another and bam it happened just like that... it is tough to know how to not upset someone on this sensitive subject.

Another thought is she might want to stress that it was unplanned so you realise she wasn't planning a pregnancy and keeping it from you . . Just a thought. (its ok to feel horrible as long as you don't allow it to eat you up) x

Was it a text that she sent to a shedload of people at once, do you think? So your circumstances might not have been at the front of her mind, IWSWIM? The "unplanned" sounds like she's heading people off at the pass - she's anticipating "WTF were you thinking? responses. Or that she's trying to tell people she's not necessarily overjoyed about the news. Don't overthink it - I'm sorry for everything you've been through, but pregnant friend has different concerns right now; don't be too harsh if she's been thoughtless.

FFS, talk about over-sharing. Some people find it impossible to have an unexpressed thought.

I don't think the two are always mutually exclusive are they?

I know two people who conceived after five years IVF treatment first time round, only to have unplanned natural pregnancies a year later.

They've both said their unplanned pregnancies were a shock. That's just honesty isn't it?

That's not to say I'm not entirely sympathetic of your fertility issues and I'm sure you've had a very difficult time. But an unplanned pregnancy can bring difficulties of its own.

Unplanned doesnt mean unwanted.

And I'm not one to force my beliefs down anyones throats but God gives where he sees fit.

trois wtf???

Oh that's charming that is.

Its not god what knocks you up....

that is just fucking wrong troisgarcons. I know you have difficulties in coming across as a human being, but that is low even for you.

Troisgarcons, I then have been fooling God quite easily by taking the pill for many years.

HappyJoyful, the message really is not about you. I agree it is a bit over sharing, but in these FB/twitter times I am not so surprised. Please don't take it personally.

But, OP, YABU. Your IVF has nothing to do with her pregnancy, unplanned or otherwise. She obviously thought you were a friend who could support her. Be a friend or don't, but don't slag her off on the internet for being freaked out,

oh Shit - sorry - I meant the lady with the unplanned pregnancy got one she didnt expect.

Oh feck, OP - I am sorry

Maryz - I agree with you on that one.

I've seen more than one "oops, had a little accident" post on facebook.

FFS, that is your child, and you've decided to go ahead with the pregnancy. You don't need to announce to 200 people that it wasn't planned.

YANBU I think it comes across like a headline, a bit dramatic.

its not a facebook status its texts

that's different

an unplanned pregnancy is a SHOCK and they might need to talk about it in private with the friend they texted and highlighted the UNPLANNED was to ward off premature "congratulations!!!" replies before they've dealt with the shock/decided what to do

god I'ld hate if friends didn't come to me when they were in turmoil just because of my issues, but each to their own

Who sends that in a text though? Seriously, the need to vomit out every single emotion means you can't save it for a F2F convo, or even a phone call?

Maryz so women should just suck it up and bury their emotions and get on with it? what we can't talk over our choices if distressed by an unplanned pregnancy? back to the dark ages much!