texts from friends "I'm pregnant - Unplanned"..

[HappyJoyful]

I'm possibly an unreasonable bitter twisted woman... BUT, having undergone 5 cycles of IVF to finally have our daughter - am I right to be a bit peeved by a friends? - "I'm pregnant - UNPLANNED" 3rd pregnancy ?? just the words unplanned / not planned pregnancy to anyone that has been through a battle with IVF (which said friend know's about) is a bit upsetting right ?

Is this friend a good friend? Because if so, sorry, but I think your own infertility issues are neither here nor there. It's highly unlikely she was trying to upset you, but feels panicked and maybe wondering how she is going to cope and reached out to her friend.

We all have issues in our lives. Sometimes we have to put those aside when people need us to.

Sorry I think you are being totally unkind and not very caring actually. In times of shock she probably lost all reasoning, ou are just thinking only of yourself (not so much the caring person you say you tend to be)

Yes that comment was awful.

No you don't know what they can and can't afford. That depends on what you think you need.

Get over yourself and support your friend when she needs it.

For all you know they could have use protection and it failed, they could have had a drunken night and forgot about it. If she supported you while you were going through IVF before eventually being successful YABVVVVU

I sympathise with both sides but...

OP i understand it must have hurt and you think she should have been more sensitive to the IVF issue, but are you not being a wee bit dismissive of the confusion/shock/upset she is going through now? Expecting her to be calm, sensitive and ultra diplomatic as her mind is going loop the loop.

She didn't get pregnant to spite you or to rub your nose in it - she needs a good friend in a moment of crisis and you need to put your feelings to one side and be a good supportive friend to her.

I don't really get the problem. So it took you a while to conceive, OP, and it was assisted, and it was a hard and long road. But you did conceive and you have a daughter. Most other people don't have fertility problems, and conceive more easily. Life goes on, and other people have different experiences. I doubt that "unplanned" was a slight or intended to cause upset...and tbh, I genuinely don't see why it would?

YANBU. Why would anyone send such a text anyway, least of all to someone who had been through IVF? I think it would be reasonable to say something. Complete lack of sensitivty.

why text "unplanned" though by text, so cold too.

Informing nearest and dearest of this great life event by text. WTF.

I can totally see why the text would have upset you OP. For a person to send a text so blunt to a friend knowing it will be a cause of upset is pretty crappy IMO it rubs me the wrong way when it happens to me.

In my case it is mainly upset and envy having being TTC for 4.5 years and losing more than my fair share of pregnancies I have a friend whose last 5 pregs have been unplanned (3 successful, 1MMC, 1 on the way) I have found it increasingly difficult to be sympathetic and all awww poor you -an "accident" is something that when it happens you take steps to prevent it happening in the future if you don't want it to happen again IMO (she relies on sometimes condoms and pulling out the rest of the time and appears to be rather fertile how about a coil/the pill/the wealth of other birth control options available) I have known her for 25 years, she has no medical reasons to not use contraceptives so that's not the reason she doesn't use anything

I can see why your friend has texted you but the words used were not exactly the most sensitive. Is this her 3rd UNPLANNED preg or her 3rd preg that happens to be unplanned IYSWIM?

It would be interesting to see how many posters calling the OP nasty etc have experienced this situation themselves? Just a thought...

I really don't think that friend thought anything of the way it was worded. It does seem a very odd way of announcing news, but as OP has been happily successful and has a daughter, friend probably hasn't given it a second thought. It you were still TTC and she was aware of that, then it would have been very clumsy and insensitive, but people have short memories and your ivf worked. As someone who has never had to worry about infertility, I imagine that she didn't even think about it. IME people don't. I'm sorry you're upset, OP, and it's up to you if you want to confront her, but I bet she'd be mortified. I don't think anyone here is BU. I just think you have very different experiences that have changed the way you both see things.

Although yanbu to find this text hard to deal with, as someone who had to deal with an unplanned pregnancy, I am glad you are not my friend.

Sympathies OP - on the very day I was due to meet with a fertility consultant a friend rang me to say 'guess what, I'm having twins, thought I'd ring and sprinkle you with baby dust'

But people are dim. I didn't hold it against her. I was probably irritatingly happy about it when I got pregnant too.

Try not to take it personally. :) She's in a bubble - you will be too.

Crikey some harsh replies.
It isn't about you, OP; she is being insensitive but she's in a bubble and hopefully will see sense soon. If you think about it, you both have fertility problems.
Unplanned pregnancy can be fine, good news even, speaking from experience :).