to think this is not right

[charleneanna]

ok my friend is a 20 year old single parent with a baby she is or was quiet happy in her flat until the other day, we were at hers and we heard some noise so we looked out of her window and the shop underneath her that had been empty for some time was open and a couple of freezers were being taken in so i said well maybe its gonna be a frozen food shop that would be brilliant but then yesterday the sign went up above the shop omg atwells after life its a bloody funeral directors now dont get me wrong they are needed but surely not a shop below a flat in a residential area my friend is now that terrified at going to bed above dead bodies that she has begged me to let her and baby spend the night at my house but my house is already overflowing sorry but this is notnright

True story.

My uncle was a Salvation Army Officer all his life and with their duties came Weddings and Funerals.

He went to see alot of bodies lying in-house so that the families could all visit to pay their respect.

They groan. The bodies. It's the build up of gas in the stomach. Presumably the embalming stops this, but this was when the newly deceased person was 'laid out'.
He said it was quite scary the first few times

Not in Glasgow now duck , this was a few years back, in Govan. It was a small cul-de-sac I could see from my bedroom window, and it was notorious. Constant comings and going, and constant police prescence.

Or Go~van as they called it.
Like Batt~er~sea

Sorry I mean the maternity hospital Rottenrow, have some relatives that were born there and it closed down a while back.

I know Govaaan

70 I went to Bellahouston Academy and a few of my friends lived in Govan, and you're right, some of it was notorious.

I had the misfortune of fainting at the prospect of cutting up the bulls eyes in science class. Said bulls eyes had been brought to school by a girl whose dad owned a butcher's shop.

And yes I remember Afterlife, it was on not long after I lost my Mum and I became fascinated with it. Shame there wasn't another series.

My aged midwife friend went to the crem as part of her nurses training. Apparently the bodies sit up when they are being cremated!

Surely no funeral directors would call themselves Attwells Afterlife. ???

There is an Atwells funeral directors though....

The OP's friend is only 20 and at 20 this sort of thing would more than likely have scared me shitless! Now I would not be bothered in the slightest and would far sooner live next to a funeral home than an off license for instance.

20 and with a child of her own...no excuse for acting like a 5year old.

Perhazps we could write a chant for her? You know to say every night as she sprinkles herbs around her bed? I can sell special herbs they are really cheap £50 a pot.

Scared of it at 20?
Twenty is young but it is not a child.

Being so petrified of a shop that you want to leave your home is ridiculous.

All this is insulting to those who have lost loved ones. That terrifying dead body the 20 year old is whining about is someone's Dad, Mum or child FFS.

There was not a single full stop in that entire post.

Good idea Giraffe. I happen to know a Zombie repelling chant. OP's friend can have it in return for a £200 donation to CRUSE.

Why didn't I think of this sooner? She just needs to call Ghostbusters!

The OP must be scouring the video library for GhostBusters/Ghost/The Cantoville Ghost/Sixth Sense/ The Entire Back Catalogue of Most Haunted with Derek Acorah.

She hasn't been back to tell us all to Fuck Off to the Far Side of Fuck and When We Get There to Fuck Off Some More.
Excessive use of capital letters I know

Well, at least it makes up for the fact that the OP doesn't seem to use any capital letters.

That was my intention but I'm a Saracastic Twat.
Apparantly.
On the say-so of one who thinks bodies are kept in Iceland Freezers.

Now if it was a Smeg freezer, I could understand the confusion. But freezer shop freezers have glass lids don't they.?
Gulp. Glass lids on funeral freezers.

As long as they don't have handles on the inside for the undead to escape and terrorise the OP's friend, I reckon its all ok.

I'm thinking cryogenics!

Oh they could be kept in a clear tank of bubbling neon green liquid (with their eyes spookily open) and when the burst their way out, they'll leave a trail of Kermit the Frog slime on the OP's Friends' laminate flooring.

And she'll have to foolow the trail to see what it is
Don't look behind the shower curtain...

Oh. Too Late

and then she will run and run screaming out of the building, and bump into someone who asks if she is ok. She will tell them what happened and they will both go inside to check...

and the undead will have vanished, along with the slime.

Or so they think..........

Until....They try and leave, and the way is barred by hordes of deaders, all set on cracking their skulls like boiled eggs, and eating their brains for breakfast......

They rush to the phone to call for help but the electricity has been cut off...