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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think that its strange no children allowed at my friends wedding...

104 replies

MCDL · 26/01/2012 15:27

AIBU to feel a little upset that only the children of immediate family are allowed at friends wedding.... Find it most unsettling that DP and I have been invited to something dd has not .....

OP posts:
MCDL · 26/01/2012 23:41

No she doesnt like pop ...I would Organise bb sitting service from the hotel . This thread has become very rude and nasty ... Will be signing off now and joining it again ....

OP posts:
Glittertwins · 26/01/2012 23:43

YABU. The venue may be small, it's their choice of celebration, not a children's party. I speak from a view point of having no children at our wedding, except for my cousins who were pageboys and that was 2 more than enough. Our church simply wasn't big enough for more than 70 people either.

Ineedacleaneriamalazyslattern · 26/01/2012 23:48

She would still be taking a place though even if not at the meal. All venues have a set number of people that are allowed in the room at any one time for fire regulations so for ever child there that is again one less adult friend able to go.
When I was organising my wedding where we were living at the time was really short on big enough venues that met all our needs and as much as I hated it I did have to say to my friends that I was going to have to cur back on the kids just so I could get all both families and friends in. Even then we were only inviting close close friends.

ComposHat · 26/01/2012 23:48

Cheery bye. Dabs eye with tissue as OP heads off into sunset.

You post in 'Am I being unreasonable?' And when people tell you you are being err..unreasonable you flounce off.

Big clue in the question mark

Anyway you are still BU.

Alligatorpie · 27/01/2012 05:56

I agree that people have the right to invite whomever they want to their wedding, but I do find child free weddings a bit strange. I always thought weddings are about joining together as a family and most married couples eventually have children - why not include them? I had children at my wedding and it was lovely.

I dd go to one child free wedding where my mom was in town, so could babysit. Otherwise I would have declined due to a lack of childcare. If you don't want to / can't go, you can always decline.

runningwilde · 27/01/2012 06:58

You are coming across as very entitled - you talk about people being rude here but your opinion is very rude and you seem to think it should be one rule for you because you want to turn the event into a family trip and because your dd would like to dress up...

Yabu and rude for not taking on board the very valid reasons why this couple haven't invited lots of children. And you don't sound like much of a friend at all.

But no doubt you will reply with some kind of leading comment... That again ignores eveything anyone says that you don't like... Because it's all about you and YOURS...

Hmm
runningwilde · 27/01/2012 07:04

And I can guarantee you will flounce off again in a huff... Because we are all so rude aren't we...

Your poor friend...

If you really were a bit more mature you would stop being so precious and you would grow up a bit...

And if you insist on using the points of ellipsis/elipse then at least use them properly... And use the right amount of dots... They follow on immediately after the last word...

That means dot, dot, dot, by the way...

...Hmm

ScroobiousPip · 27/01/2012 07:21

hmm, i don't think it's BU to have a child-free wedding, babes in arms excepted (although personally I prefer weddings with children and i think those who have child free weddings must be prepared for friends and family with children not to attend).

but, as i read the OP, she was proposing to take her DD to the hotel and arrange for a babysitting service, ie DD would not actually attend the wedding at all - but it would mean that the OP could have a long family weekend away. If that is the case then I think the bride is BU - it's not for the bride to dictate who sleeps in the hotel if they are not actually attending the wedding.

NinkyNonker · 27/01/2012 07:44

She's not saying that, she is saying how much she loves dressing up etc...it is only the meal she is proposing the child miss. So presumably she wants to take her to the ceremony, evening etc...as we all know how much she loves the dancing and meeting people Hmm

ScroobiousPip · 27/01/2012 08:01

ah, ok, thanks NN. in that case, the OP is bu. her best bet would be to decline the invite and go have a family weekend away somewhere else.

EauDeLaPoisson · 27/01/2012 08:04

I also find it 'strange' how some people dont seem to grasp their amazing, cute and sociable PFB just ISNT very exciting to everyone else in the world- they arent interested in her dressing up/dancing/funny conversation! Will you insist she comes to your works christmas meal as she is so darn cute and fab?

AbsofCroissant · 27/01/2012 08:27

From a bride's perspective (as you refer to your "DP" i'm assuming you're not married and haven't had this), a guestlist is a complete PAIN in the arse. We're sorting ours out at the moment, and you do start thinking "how much do I actually like this person? Maybe I should just start being really pissy with everyone to reduce the guest list", and then you snap back to reality, but it is very difficult. You're having to think of who to invite of your own friends, what level of attachment warrants an invite, then family members, and then you start getting into parents' friends etc. (particularly as for us DP's parents have very very generously offered to foot most of the bill, so then there's the question of whether or not my parents are able to invite as many people as DP's parents as they're not paying for as much etc etc.) ... you get the picture. Then you start working on timings, and then add on that friend and family's children, who sits where, what to do with the children and so on. It's very difficult.

For our wedding, at the time of the wedding only one couple (out of our friends) will have children (and they tend to use weddings as an excuse to go without them, as lovely as their DCs are) and then the rest are children of family members. I started fretting as we're planning on starting the reception at 7, 1 hour of aperitif, pre starter dancing (it's the French way apparently), which means you're not sitting down to starters til 8/8:30 and DP informs me that it's not unusual to be having desert at midnight. With lots of Dcs around, they're going to be tired, hungry and annoyed. Also, our venue charges for DCs above 2 y/o, at 50% the adult rate, up until they're 10, then they're counted as full adults and you're charged the full price. So all in all, we're limiting the number of DCs to only immediate family members.

RainboweBrite · 27/01/2012 10:58

OP, having read through the whole thread, I disagree that anyone has been particularly rude to you. Most of us have disagreed with you, but there haven't been any personal attacks or nastiness. I think you have actually got off lightly for AIBU, to be honest.

runningwilde · 27/01/2012 11:23

Scroobious, where did you read that the bride said she couldn't have her child at the hotel?! That is not what was said. The op is being funny about the fact her child isn't invited and she obviously feels her child is entitled to an invite

Floggingmolly · 27/01/2012 12:36

It's perfectly simple, you don't like it - you don't go. Hmm

OTheHugeManatee · 27/01/2012 12:47

I'm organising my wedding at the moment. It's going to cost a fortune to host everyone, and we're having to prune the list of friends quite sharply as things are. Every child we invite means one friend we have to not invite. Strange as it may seem, we'd rather celebrate with old friends than some children we've met maybe a few times if at all.

To me it seems that getting the hump because someone doesn't want to bump old friends off the guest list in order to include your offspring seems pretty ungrateful (they're going to huge effort and expense, after all) and unreasonable.

bigshinydinosaur · 27/01/2012 12:51

Their wedding, their choice.

'Most unsettling' - Really?!

Get over yourself!

Ephiny · 27/01/2012 12:55

Maybe you can have a party for your DD on her next birthday, then she can enjoy the dressing up, dancing etc with friends of her own age?

Hammy02 · 27/01/2012 13:02

I had a child free wedding. Not a single guest said anything. Maybe it is because none of my mates are that precious about a single day away from their kids.

Rhubarbgarden · 27/01/2012 13:56

YANU. For all the reasons already made multiple times. I've had to turn down a number of wedding invitations since I had my dd, as childcare is usually impossible. I can't go to an annual charity ball I used to attend either, or drunken classical concert picnics, or many of the other events I used to enjoy that are adult only. Such is life with children. I don't understand why anyone would get offended by these things.

Rhubarbgarden · 27/01/2012 13:56

That should have been YABU, obviously.

OTheHugeManatee · 27/01/2012 14:03

Reverse the situation, and imagine what it'd be like if you were organising a birthday party for your ten-year-old child and parents of all the invitees to the party got the massive arse because you hadn't invited them all as well.

You'd think they were crackers, wouldn't you?

RabidEchidna · 28/01/2012 19:09

SORRY I COULD NOT HELP MYSELF Grin

kerala · 28/01/2012 19:25

YABVU, precious and self centred. My Dsis had a child free wedding, they married a few years after most of their friends. If they had invited children that would have been 9 under 5s from their families alone, over 30 under 5s if their friends DCs had come. Dsis and her now husband are lovely people and great with, and adore, kids but their wedding would have been a flipping family fun day for toddlers if it hadn't been child free. As it was I got to drink champagne on the lawn and have proper conversations with adults without entertaining a 5 and 3 year old.

poppercondria · 28/01/2012 19:36

Where I'm from child-free weddings are unheard of, maybe that's the case for you too? But in the UK it's very common. Really very. Have you not noticed it's not a particularly child-friendly place in general???

It's their wedding, and their choice. It's a kind of depressing British cultural thing, especially if you're used to lovely big weddings full of dancing kids. But hey, that's their problem, not yours. Just hire a sitter for the night, or sit it out.

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