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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that its strange no children allowed at my friends wedding...

104 replies

MCDL · 26/01/2012 15:27

AIBU to feel a little upset that only the children of immediate family are allowed at friends wedding.... Find it most unsettling that DP and I have been invited to something dd has not .....

OP posts:
Original poster
MCDL · 26/01/2012 19:04

We do also like to take dd 5 with us when we are away .... Especially to weddings, she loves dressing up, meeting people, dancing to the afters etc ... Tbh would prefer to take her than not .. So probably will decline the offer ....

OP posts:
Original poster
MCDL · 26/01/2012 19:07

Nice for u tulipgrower to have grandparents to stay over.. We do not .... Childcare for one/two nights very difficult for us ....

OP posts:
NinkyNonker · 26/01/2012 19:10

Sorted!

tulipgrower · 26/01/2012 19:13

My parent live on the other side of the world, by pure coincidence this wedding is falling in the month they are visiting. Lucky me! Grin

So, perhaps that also makes it clearer why I'd like a child-free wedding. Last time we had a night out alone was while I was having contractions in the hospital. Before that was sometime early 2010.

AThingInYourLife · 26/01/2012 19:13

This is a wind up.

Nobody would be disturbed to be invited to something their child wasn't invited to :o

Nice try, OP.

BackforGood · 26/01/2012 19:14

YABU, and, quite frankly, this bit Find it most unsettling that DP and I have been invited to something dd has not ..... makes you sound rather ridiculous. Unsettling ? Hmm
Ove the years, you will be invited to all sorts of things your children aren't invited to, and, you can then chose if you accept or decline the invitation. Equally, your dc will be invited to things you aren't invited to. She is a small child, not some kind of a permanent attachment.

BackforGood · 26/01/2012 19:15

Excellent post by TulipGrower.
Yes, we have attended a wedding without our dc, to which they were invited, TulipGrower, for all the reasons you have put in your post. It was lovely.

OhCobblers · 26/01/2012 19:16

tulipgrower definitely don't take them if you have childcare lined up . Can imagine a 1.5year old in particular being hard work at a wedding. If it was my 4 year old they'd become bored fairly quickly too. Lovely of your friends to want them them but they won't notice if they're not there and they also won't be the ones looking after them all day Grin.

My DC have been invited to weddings and i have NEVER taken them - too much hard work when DH and I can be having a ball catching up with friends and have no responsibility for day/evening. Appreciate for others that child care is an issue.

OP I didn't have children at my wedding bar "family" kids : 1 issue being cost but the other in that we simply didn't want kids we barely knew there - actually we didn't want kids there at all.

Having children now doesn't change my viewpoint and if we were getting married now rather than a few years ago it would still be a child free event - as a result i would expect us to have many fewer guests - a shame but understandable.

Honestly it really is a case of everyone having a different idea of how they want the day to pan out and cost is a huge part of that too.

AThingInYourLife · 26/01/2012 19:16

tulip - YANBU

A wedding overnight with old friends while you have willing grandparents to babysit?

YWBVU to pass that up :)

ComposHat · 26/01/2012 19:17

Especially to weddings, she loves dressing up, meeting people, dancing to the afters etc

This is the problem in a nutshell.

What your daughter does or doesn't enjoy in this context is an irrelevance. This day is arranged (and presumably paid for) by the couple. It is not about entertaining your daughter.

Kayzr · 26/01/2012 19:20

YABU.

I would personally never have a child free wedding. I get married in April and all friends children are invited.

But I understand that it is up to the bride and groom to decide. I might not agree with it but fully respect it.

tulipgrower · 26/01/2012 19:29

Have been to a few weddings where the kids outnumbered the adults. The church services were a joke, no one beyond the 1st row could hear a thing, kids running all over the place, same with the dinners afterwards. And then after 7pm the kids started getting tired, complaining, crying, screaming, tantrums left and right. Very enjoyable evenings (not). It was all about the kids, not about the couple.

foreverondiet · 26/01/2012 19:31

Unless your DD is under 6 months old, or a close family member then YABU to expect an invite.

If she is neither (under 6 months or close family member) but you live far away they should help you find a local babysitter if you need to take her with.

RainboweBrite · 26/01/2012 19:45

One of my Facebook friends put up as her status update recently that she only wants her own children at her wedding this summer, because she doesn't want the hassle of children running around on her big day. Gotta admire her honesty!

TandB · 26/01/2012 19:55

AIBU to find it unsettling that someone finds it unsettling that their child isn't invited to a wedding?

cyb · 26/01/2012 19:57

I had NO children at my wedding

I didnt care if it upset my friends or not

Even my dd who was 4 at the time went home at 7pm

breatheslowly · 26/01/2012 20:02

We took DD to a wedding recently. She was flaked out by her usual bedtime and DH ended up taking her to bed and staying with her. I don't think he was too bothered, but he basically missed the whole evening. There is no way we would take her again until her bedtime gets later or she shows signs of being able to stay up when interested.

MischeviousMum · 26/01/2012 20:03

YABU I got married recently and the rule was only immediate families kids or those who'd had to travel a long distance and stay overnight. (but they had teeny tiny babies who didn't eat and couldnt really be left) when you have a strict number (ours was 90) we had 110 adults we wanted to invite. If we'd let our nearest and dearest bring their kids we'd have had about 30 kids, most of whom we'd never met!! But when we sent out invites and apologised for the no kids only my cousins went mad (7 kids between the 2 of them and they live down the road but we don't speak particularly!) everyone else was over the moon to have an 'excuse' to have a kid free night!

EmpressOfTheSevenOceans · 26/01/2012 20:04

We can't all, and some of us don't. That's all there is to it.

SlinkingOutsideInFrocks · 26/01/2012 20:07

YABU to find it unsettling. I don't understand what happens to some people when they have children... Or does their life only have meaning once children arrive?

It does seem as if you haven't got the message from all these replies - it doesn't matter how much your DD might like dressing up and dancing, I mean feck me, I love dressing up and dancing - where's my bloody invite?!

If your DD goes, it means she takes the place of an actual friend of the couple's. And if your DD gets to go, then so does everyone else's children, thereby taking many more places of actual friends.

You're OK with this level of dictating their guest list...?

Cassettetapeandpencil · 26/01/2012 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

psketti · 26/01/2012 20:16

YABU - unless you have a baby under 8 months I'd say.

Original poster
MCDL · 26/01/2012 22:58

If your DD goes, it means she takes the place of an actual friend of the couple's. And if your DD gets to go, then so does everyone else's children, thereby taking many more places of actual friends.

Was unaware this was the case... Thanks for the post slinking ... Message received ...

OP posts:
Original poster
MCDL · 26/01/2012 23:00

But not quiet certain if she is not at the meal that she would take a place ...

OP posts:
ComposHat · 26/01/2012 23:30

But not quiet certain if she is not at the meal that she would take a place

So what would yo do with her whilst you were eating your meal? Leave her on a bench outside with a bottle of pop and a bag of crisps. Venues also have a limit for the numbers who can be in the room (fire regs and whatnot) so she would still be taking a person's place.